There are several issues in this thread, but I'll first get to the one the OP asked which was how to protect yourself when selling large $ items on ebay. The max value that I've sold via ebay is $4000, but I often sell $1-2K items. Here is my advice:
(1) Do not sell international. Exclude all foreign countries, including Canada. You can do this via buyer requirements. Sure, you can lose some money, but less to worry about.
(2) At the minimum, ship via Priority Mail with Signature Confirmation and insurance. The Signature Confirmation is needed to protect you with ebay, so don't skimp on this even if you get insurance and via insurance, there is a signature. Ebay may not honor that. I've seen sellers use overnight express also even though it is more expensive, but one less day to worry about. The insurance is needed to protect you in case the Post Office loses or damages your package. Registered mail is also a very popular way to ship these types of packages although it tends to take much longer, but there is less of a chance the package will be lost. So you worry for a longer period of time but your package should be safer.
(3) Avoid low feedback buyers. After the buyer has paid for the item, check his feedback. If the feedback # is fairly high, and it looks like he's purchased a number of expensive cards recently, then I think you really don't have much to worry about (other than the Post Office losing your package, of course). If my listings, I stated that buyers with a feedback lower the 50 must message me for approval before bidding. You can't prevent low feedback bidders from bidding and winning your auctions, but perhaps at least this can dissuade some from bidding. If a low feedback bidder has won your auction and paid for it, and you have serious reservations about it, you can still think about trying to cancel the transaction and not ship the item to him. Of course, if he doesn't agree to the cancel transaction on ebay, you may still lose your final value fees. The other thing to look for are bidders who haven't had feedback in years. Then it is always possible that someone has hijacked their account, so you need to be careful in this situation also.
I don't really worry about chargebacks or returns because as long as you get your item back, who cares? You are just out the shipping. I've had a couple of chargebacks in the past, but as I said, it's no big deal other than you just need to put the item for sale again. If you need to spend the funds immediately for something else, just be aware that this might happen. The empty box is a concern, but it's never happened to me. This is usually something from low feedback or international bidders (or those who haven't purchased in a while).
A few years ago, on the Collectors forum, I asked for advice on selling really large $ items on ebay, and the response I received was as follows:
"... I have sold several 10K+ items on E-bay and many many 1K-5K items. First rule in doing this is to Not, and mean Ever, accept payment through Paypal. I Only accept high Dollar payments outside of Paypal. There are several ways to do this with your Buyer. Usually on Hi Dollar items there has been contact with me before they ever drop the Hammer and I make it clear what my rules are ahead of time. I have never had a 2K plus Sale without some form of Pre Contact, usually to negotiate on price. When we do come to a deal I usually get a Cashiers check or some type of Certified funds and then still wait a few days and have my Banker contact the Financial clearing house for the transaction and do this even with Repeat Customers. I Never ship anything until I am assured of the item clearing. I have no issue with my Buyers being amiable to this, if it is a Legit Buyer of a Hi Dollar item they should have no problem with this and in fact other than a little anticipation on some of their parts, have never had no problem.
I have no particular Beef with Auction Houses but the fact that I can list something in my Store let it sit for however long and it Will sell and other than FVF's ALL of the money ends up in my Pocket!! Why pay sombody to do what you can do!!
Also, any and all high Dollar items are Shipped USPS Registered with an Additional Second Signature Delivery Confirmation. Have never had a problem this way. And what are they going to do, with no Paypal, No way to have those RICO Crooks (Paypal) be a party to you getting ripped off !!!!
And if you don't have a store, have you thought of just Consigning with somebody here, I take consignments as do many, and charge way way less than any Auction House?"
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