[Exhibitman]

I learned a long time ago there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should.
--Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle

Tuco: God is on our side because he hates the Yanks.
Man With No Name: God is not on our side because he hates idiots also.
--The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Ali G: Sex can lead to some terrible things: herpes, scrot rot or even worse, something called a relationship.

Blazing Saddles Quotes

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

You get back here, you pious, candy-ass sidewinder. I was born here, an I was raised here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswagglin, cracker croaker is gonna ruin my biscuit cutter!

I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots.

Throw out your hands.
Stick out your tush.
Hands on your hips, give 'em a push.
You'll be surprised you're doing the French mistake.
Voila.

All right, we'll give some land to the n****rs and the c++++s, but we DON'T WANT THE IRISH.

Taggart: I got it. I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: You do?
Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em.
Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...
Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?
Taggart: Naw. We rape the s+++ out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.
Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous.

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto.
Hedley Lamarr: "Ditto"? "Ditto," you provincial putz?

Mongo only pawn in game of life.

We will now read from the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and duck!

Young Frankenstein

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof.
Igor: He's going to be very popular.

A riot is an ungly thing... undt, I tink, that it is chust about time ve had vun--Inspector Kemp

Monty Python

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off and his penis...

Minstrel: [singing] Brave Sir Robin ran away...
Sir Robin: *No!*
Minstrel: [singing] bravely ran away away...
Sir Robin: *I didn't!*
Minstrel: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Sir Robin: *I never did!*
Minstrel: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.
Sir Robin: *Oh, you liars!*
Minstrel: [singing] Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Robin.

You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

Strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

If I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.

Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

We are now the Knights who say..."Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm.

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

King of Swamp Castle: Did you kill all those guards?
Sir Lancelot: Um... oh, yes! Sorry.
King of Swamp Castle: They cost fifty pounds each!
Sir Lancelot: Well, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady.
King of Swamp Castle: Well, I can understand that.

Humphrey: All right, settle down. Settle down... Now, before I begin the lesson, will those of you who are playing in the match this afternoon move your clothes down onto the lower peg immediately after lunch, before you write your letter home, if you're not getting your hair cut, unless you've got a younger brother who is going out this weekend as the guest of another boy, in which case, collect his note before lunch, put it in your letter after you've had your hair cut, and make sure he moves your clothes down onto the lower peg for you. Now...
Wymer: Sir?
Humphrey: Yes, Wymer?
Wymer: My younger brother's going out with Dibble this weekend, sir, but I'm not having my hair cut today, sir.
Pupils: [chuckling]
Wymer: So, do I move my clothes down, or...
Humphrey: I do wish you'd listen, Wymer. It's perfectly simple. If you're not getting your hair cut, you don't have to move your brother's clothes down to the lower peg. You simply collect his note before lunch, after you've done your scripture prep, when you've written your letter home, before rest, move your own clothes onto the lower peg, greet the visitors, and report to Mr. Viney that you've had your chit signed.

Grim Reaper: Shut up, you American. You Americans, all you do is talk, and talk, and say "let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say." Well, you're dead now, so shut up.


Risky Business Quotes

I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the f**k." "What the f**k" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the f**k, make your move."

It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

In times of economic uncertainty, never ever f**k with another man’s livelihood.

It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.

Bad News Bears

Tanner Boyle: All we got on this team are a buncha Jews, spics, n****rs, pansies, and a booger-eatin’ moron!

You didn't come into this life just to sit around on a dugout bench, did ya? Now get your ass out there and do the best you can-- Coach Morris Buttermaker

Tanner Boyle: Hey Yankees... you can take your apology and your trophy and shove 'em straight up your ass!

Tanner Boyle: Those Yankees are real turds.

Fight Club Quotes

Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy s**t we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

Tyler Durden: All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I f**k like you wanna f**k, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.

Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f**king khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
Narrator: No, no, I... don't...
Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator: It isn't?
Tyler Durden: We don't need him!

Tyler Durden: Do you know what a duvee is?
Narrator: It's a comforter...
Tyler Durden: It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvee is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then?
Narrator: ...Consumers?
Tyler Durden: Right. We’re consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator: Martha Stewart.
Tyler Durden: F**k Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man. So f**k off with your sofa units and Strinne green stripe patterns.

Tyler Durden: The liberator who destroyed my property has realigned my perceptions.

Tyler Durden: Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction...

Narrator: I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person?

Narrator: Tyler, I'm grateful to you; for everything that you've done for me. But this is too much. I don't want this.
Tyler Durden: What do you want? Wanna go back to the s**t job, f**kin' condo world, watching sitcoms? F**k you, I won't do it.

Marla Singer: I've been going to Debtors Anonymous. You want to see some really f**ked-up people...

Tyler Durden: Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly cannot think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler.

Tyler Durden: My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go. So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say "Dad, now what?" He says, "Get a job." Now I'm 25, make my yearly call again. I say Dad, "Now what?" He says, "I don't know, get married." We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.


"To speak of just or unjust in itself is quite senseless; in itself, of course, no injury, assault, exploitation, destruction can be 'unjust,' since life operates essentially, that is in its basic functions, through injury, assault, exploitation, destruction and simply cannot be thought of at all without this character." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

Most moral philosophers consciously or unconsciously assume the essential correctness of our cultural sexual code ... they debate how the human animal can be induced or forced to obey this code, blandly ignoring the high probability that the heartaches and tragedies they see all around them originate in the code itself rather than the failure to abide by the code.
--Jubal Harshaw, Stranger In A Strange Land

Grok!--Stranger In a Strange Land

The more you drive, the less intelligent you are--Repo Man


Mr. Braddock: Would you mind telling me then what those four years of college were for? What was the point of all that hard work?
Benjamin: You got me.