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PCJay -- I have been there before, three times. I can only say that while you will probably always think of what might have been (I know I do), the pain does lessen over time, and life will go on for both of you.
I think each of you will discover there are many, many people who have gone through what you're experiencing. They will be people you know well, and people you've never met -- a friend's sister, a cousin, etc. I'm certain all of them would be happy to talk with either of you about it, if you need to. It will help.
And please do not let her (or yourself) focus on "what if's", or start blaming yourselves. This was out of your control -- a million things had to go perfectly right, and only one thing had to go wrong. This happened because it did, not because of something you did or didn't do.