OT - I know there are many attorneys on the board. I have some questions.

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Posted By: Mark M

Barry, I'd say asking a posting if one of his hands has been blown off by the unabomer qualifies as "too insulting."

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Posted By: Bruce Babcock

Does anyone here collect vintage baseball cards?

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Posted By: Jeff Lichtman

Mark, you need to lighten up a bit and learn to take a joke. Instead of obsessing about me and worrying about whether I went to a top 10 or top 8 law school (as opposed to top 75) , shouldn't you instead be focusing on making partner in your law firm before you reach the age of 50?

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Posted By: davidcycleback

My favorite New Yorker lawyer cartoon showed a bunch of businessmen with lawyers standing around a board room table, and one of the businessmen says, "Is anyone missing a lawyer? I have two."

A mathematics professor once told me the difference between chemists, engineers and mathematicians, but I'll save that joke for another day-- in part because it's not terribly funny. It only makes mathematicians laugh. Even the chemists and engineers don't think it's funny.

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Posted By: Corey R. Shanus

While we're on the topic of lawyer jokes, here are two of my favorites.

1. What do you do if you're locked in a room with a lion, a tiger and a
lawyer, and you have a gun with two bullets in it?

You shoot the lawyer twice.


2. What's the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead
skunk laying in the middle of the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

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Posted By: Jeff Lichtman

Corey, I hadn't heard that first joke -- that one is a keeper. Sadly, I probably hate lawyers more than the average person.

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Posted By: barrysloate

There's a scene on The Simpson's where the family has invited to dinner Lionel Hutz, the sleazy and incompetent attorney that was voiced by Phil Hartmann. Bart is impressed with him, and the two have the following exchange:

Bart: Boy Mr. Hutz, when I grow up I want to be a lawyer just like you.

Hutz: Bart, I'm glad to hear that, because if there is anything America needs, it's more lawyers!

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Posted By: Jay

Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.

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Posted By: leon

very good...

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Posted By: Mark M

Jeff, rather than spending your time researching my career, why not spend your energy on n54 on being civil towards your fellow posters? If you were to stop attempting to deter others from posting by tearing them down, you might encourage more members and lurkers to post on here and you might even learn something from them. It's not that difficult to show others a basic level of respect, I know you can do it if you work on it.

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Posted By: Jeff Lichtman

Mark M, researching your 'career'? Um.

And if you'll recall, you're the one who attacked me first. Repeatedly. I would say to you that one should not throw rocks if one lives in a glass house but that would suggest that you have a metaphorical house. Clearly that is not the case. Hey, maybe this will be the year. Fingers crossed!


edited a last name out....

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Posted By: peter chao

Come on guys, knock it off. Mark and his wife attended the First SF Net54 dinner on June 30, 2007 and were very gracious guests. Although we didn't discuss it, this could be the start of a Net54 tradition. Mark is a real gentleman.

And I'm sure that if Jeff got off his broomstick he's also a real gentleman.

Come on guys, behave.

Peter

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Posted By: Cat

Did anybody help Zach out? Maybe he needs a good bail bondsman at this point.

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Posted By: Mark M

Jeff, just because I do not own a house (nice Lexis research) does not mean my point isn't valid that you would be doing the forum (and yourself) a favor if you would show members a basic level of respect in lieu of animosity. Thanks in advance.

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Posted By: Jeff Lichtman

I said metaphorical house. I have no clue whether you own a house nor do I care. I was referring to your professional and educational criticism which, now that I have been alerted by some of your many fans out here, is especially laughable.

And I hardly am one to attack someone on this forum. Making fun of Peter's repeated grammatical mistakes is hardly vicious; seems to me that you've forgotten what you've written out here about me.

My advice is less posting on Network 54 during the day and more billable hours. Otherwise you won't make partner until after your Social Security kicks in. Thanks in advance.

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Posted By: peter chao

Have you forgotten, we are friends who share a common hobby. People are starting to think that attorneys are jerks. It may be true, but surely we don't want everybody to know.

Actually, I've been reading the latest Time magazine on secret societies.

Net54 could be the first secret society that posts on the internet. How about that, guys?

Peter

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Posted By: Cat

Peter:

But out! Thanks in advance.

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Posted By: Joe D.

awesome post!

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Posted By: P Spaeth

Jay that is a good one.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers? A good start.
What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand.
and my favorite
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.

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Posted By: peter chao

They've been insulted so many times that they decided to collect and inventory the Jokes.

Peter

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Posted By: barrysloate

Everybody likes to insult lawyers until one day you need one and he wins a case for you. Then he suddenly becomes a saint. Funny how that works.

Thanks- tough crowd!

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Posted By: Joe D.

all is well once again.