Tell your best CLEAN joke

[Ease]

Clean jokes only please. Here's one baseball related:

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to
their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His
friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about
their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when
you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."

The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for
you." And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is
sleeping when he hears his friend's voice.

The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."

"What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that you're pitching on Wednesday."

[FUBAR]

this is about as clean as i can get with my jokes....

Why don't women fart??

because they can't keep their mouth shut long enough to build up any pressure!!

[dstraate]

So this young couple meets in Vegas, falls madly in love, gets married at a drive through and is honeymooning at the Luxor pool the next day.

As they sunbathe, the man gets up walks to the diving board, and throws a double backflip, perfectly cutting into the water. As he walks back the lady says "wow, that's incredible!" He smugly replies "I was a champion diver in college, I imagine we'll be learning a lot about each other in the coming months"

Not to be outdone, the wife dives into the Olympic pool and swims two laps, underwater, without taking a breath. "Incredible! you must have been a champion swimmer" says the husband.

"Nope, I was a call girl in Memphis, but I had to work both sides of the river".

[ChiefBenderForever]

Q- What did one ball say to the other ?




A- Why should we hang ? Peter did all the shooting !

[judsonhamlin]

Neuton walks into a bar. Says, "Hey, barkeep, can I have a beer?"
Bartender gives him his beer. Neutron asks, "How much?
Bartender says, "For you, no charge"


Proton walksin to a bar. Says, "Hey, I was in here last night and i left my wallet - have you seen it?"
Bartender asks, "You sure?"
Proton says, "I'm positive"


Electron walks into a bar, sits down and starts crying.
bartender walks up to him and asks, "Why so negative?"


Ta-da
Here 'til Thursday - try the veal.

[D. Broughman]

A lady hears a knock on the front door and when she opens it there is a little girl with a kitten hanging on her arm. The little girl says "Do you want a putty tat". The lady says how cute that was and calls her daughter from the kitchen. The daughter looks at the little girl and she says "Do you want a putty tat". The daughter says how cute that was and calls the dad from his den. The dad see the little girl and the little girl says " Do you want this Dam Tat!

[Jim VB]

Originally Posted by judsonhamlin

Neuton walks into a bar. Says, "Hey, barkeep, can I have a beer?"
Bartender gives him his beer. Neutron asks, "How much?
Bartender says, "For you, no charge"


Proton walksin to a bar. Says, "Hey, I was in here last night and i left my wallet - have you seen it?"
Bartender asks, "You sure?"
Proton says, "I'm positive"


Electron walks into a bar, sits down and starts crying.
bartender walks up to him and asks, "Why so negative?"


Ta-da
Here 'til Thursday - try the veal.

Follow up (requires more thinking.)


Rene Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender says "Want a beer?'

Descartes says "I think not!"


POOF! He's gone.

[barrysloate]

I think therefore I am.

I think not...therefore I'm not.

Got the joke.