Congratulations to Red Sox Empire

[Archive]

Posted By: Ryan Christoff

As someone who has not been shy about his hatred of the Boston Red Sox, I am surprised to find how unsuicidal I am after having them win the World Series in my backyard. Only one thing could have possibly lessened this blow, and the rumor of it was announced during the game tonight by Ken Rosenthal.

Could it be possible that a day where the Boston Red Sox won the World Series might also be one of the greatest days in New York Yankees history? Yes!!! If it is true that Alex Rodriguez has opted out of his contract. Especially if Cashman and the rest of the Yankee brass keep their word about refusing to even negotiate with him if he opts out. This means that beginning in 2008, the Yankees actually have a shot at winning another championship. I would prefer to see 2008 be a foundation-building season to set up another Yankee dynasty built from within, but that doesn’t mean they can’t still win it.

I can only hope the Red Sox let Mike Lowell go (so they Yankees can sign him) and sign A-Rod to a long-term deal. That is the only thing that can break up the Red Sox dynasty that is upon us. Otherwise, it is here to stay. Before this season started they were the best team in baseball and they remain that to this day.

Another reason this Red Sox victory isn’t as painful as I thought it would be is the fact that the make-up of the 2007 team is not as easy to hate as some Red Sox teams of yesteryear. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate the Red Sox, but I realize that they are becoming easier to hate for the general population, in spite of my feelings about some parts of the organization like:

Mike Lowell – classy player and person, plays the game right.
Jacoby Ellsbury – top notch human, gritty yet flashy player, interesting background, humble in a very un-Red Sox like way (he could never have been an annoying Red Sox fan if he didn’t play for them)
David Ortiz – still the clutchest (yes, clutchest) player I’ve seen in my lifetime. Hard to dislike
Theo Epstein – best GM in the game, in my opinion. And yes, I’m familiar with the Athletics.

There are still many hate-provoking things about this team, there are just less of them:

There is still Curt Schilling, but there is now Josh Beckett who has no fake bloody sock and takes much National attention Shilling lives for away from him. I dislike many of the things Beckett has done and continues to do (beat the Yankees, win games for the Red Sox, etc.) but it’s hard to have anything but respect for him as a player. On the other hand, I hate no player in all of sports as much as I hate Curt Schilling, and he’ll be gone soon, if not already.

There is the cocky rat, Dustin Pedroia, who I find very dislikeable. But it’s hard not to be impressed by how much he gets out of how little he has physically.

There is the Yankee-like signing of an overpaid, underproducing starting pitcher in Daisuke Matsuzaka, but there is also Hideki Okajima. How can you dislike a guy who throws strikes while looking at the ground in front of 3rd base?

There is still Manny Ramirez, but he is still as funny as ever to watch play every aspect of the game. Except for his hitting, which I find no humor in at all.

They are still the Red Sox, but there are no cowboys or idiots (except for Papelbon) and they don’t pretend they are some blue-collar team of the people.

But what I love the most and what the general public will come to hate is that THE BOSTON RED SOX ARE THE NEW EVIL EMPIRE!!! They are no longer underdogs. Red Sox fans are now entirely without an identity. Winners? The Red Sox are now winners, it’s true. But what about the average Red Sox fan? Can a Red Sox fan exist without feeling it’s him against the world? We’ll see.

The 2007 Boston Red Sox World Series victory is the most expensive championship in the history of baseball at $143 million. Number two on that list? The 2004 Boston Red Sox. So now that the Red Sox have BOUGHT the two most expensive championships in the history of baseball, they have solidified their status as THE NEW EVIL EMPIRE. Therefore, all of the following statements are now true. All of them were originally made by Red Sox fans describing Yankee fans:

Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for Bill Gates to win the lotto.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for the house in black jack.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for Brad Pitt to get the girl.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for Goliath over David.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for Wal-Mart.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for Enron.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for the rich, spoiled boss's son against the blue-collar orphan who worked his way through school.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for the tornado against the family in the trailer park.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for the British Empire to capture George Washington and execute him for treason.
Rooting for the Red Sox is like rooting for the rich, preppy kid who invariably treated his girlfriend badly in those 80's movies.

There are many, many others (General Motors, U.S. Steel, the lions vs. the Christians, Germany vs. Poland, etc.) which are all now appropriate, all originating from Red Sox fans, themselves.

So congratulations to Red Sox Empire, formerly known as Red Sox Nation. And congratulations to baseball fans everywhere who never have to listen to a Red Sox fan whine about another team trying to “buy” a championship again. I guess in a way, the Red Sox victory is really a victory for everyone.

Even poor, oppressed and cursed Yankee fans, like me.

-Ryan