The Bruces

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Posted By: George

I think that the Bruces are aware that this is the United States of America, and we do not have royalty here. Therefore, when the Bruces refer to themselves as “we,” eschewing the use of the vertical pronoun, it must be for another reason.

There is a type of schizophrenia known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), in which an individual has more than one personality. A famous example of MPD was Norman Bates in the movie “Psycho,” who was also Mrs. Bates. As far as the Bruces are concerned, who knows how many personalities they may have?

Clearly, there is the dynamic and aggressive Bruce, who has amassed a fortune and used it to accumulate baseball cards. Then there is the old (olde ?) English Bruce, who sees himself as an associate of Sherlock Holmes, and who uses words like “whilst” when he really means “while.” And then there is the sensitive and tender Bruce, who craves to be loved and admired by the community of baseball card collectors. Possibly the Bruces, when they were a 10-year old boy, did not have the best collection of baseball cards in the playground, and resolved to correct this situation in the future, but who knows?

By now, the Bruces have achieved all of their goals, with the exception of being universally recognized and admired by all other baseball card collectors. To help achieve this goal, they have subtly proposed to create a list of the 100 greatest collectors, cleverly omitting their own name from the list, while waiting expectantly for someone else to insist that they, the Bruces, must, of course, be added to the list………and certainly very close to the top. Inexplicably, this has not yet occurred. My suggestion to the Bruces is they offer an expensive (but expendable) card to the first person who nominates them for the list.

Then the Bruces will have done it all.