Attention collectors:
If you asked a 100 collectors what the most important thing about a card is, 101 of them would shout,
“The grade number!!!!! Doy!!!!”
The conclusion is obvious, no
collector (er...investor) cares about the card.
No way, man!! They only care what
number it got.
Which leads to a second question.
What kind of deranged collecting lunatic actually cares what a card looks like anymore??!!
Since cardboard doesn’t make the man, the number makes the man, it’s time to start phasing out the card from the slab altogether, and just highlight the eminence of the
beloved grade number.
Since every collector’s goal is to have their
buddies, or the hot chick in the bar, see their incredible
number from clear across the room, we’ve mirrored what
strip joints in crowded cities do,
and made our
number immediately grab everyone’s attention by
glowing hugely in a shockingly bright neon green.
Green, of course, is the color of money!
Introducing the all new...
NumeroCentric Slab Technology™
“It’s a numbers game, and the numbers don't lie.”
NewPSAlabelNumeroCentric.jpg
With the
immense number floating in a beautiful sea of azure inside a slab nearly
three times the size of a traditional holder, our goal is to have our
digit be the first manmade thing on
Earth to be
truly visible from space.*
It’s one small step for a grader, one giant leap for gradingkind.**
Although to focus solely on the only thing that matters, the
number, the
useless card will eventually be
phased out altogether, for the time being it will still be found inside of the holder.
Housed in the disregarded upper ‘attic’ portion of the slab and partially obscured by our new semi-translucent label, if you ever need to remember which card your
incredibly valuable, beautiful number is referring to, you’ll be able to figure it out.
But who cares, right? Gone are the days when a buyer says he’s looking for a nice looking, well-centered, or crease/wrinkle-free card. Nope, they just want a
6, 7, 8, 9 or 10.***
The
number, my man, the
number alone!
The
neon glow of your immense digit means
bragging has never been easier, and everyone will be more and more envious. Just imagine how many
free drinks you will score as everybody wants to be your
newest best bud.
And the
aforementioned hot chick in the bar with the adorable lisp? She will no longer care that your
massive belly is turning the buttons on your shirt into shrapnel.
Show her your 9, and she is yours!!****
And for sellers, this slab makes your job a piece of cake!! Who needs to work on
fake, BS spiel to try to get
showgoers to buy your crap,***** when your
numbers will be clearly visible from the
other side of a card show floor and do the work for you??
Set up some chairs, dear friends, your booth is about to get wickedly crowded!!
Coming in time for spring training...
*We're still working on the math.
**Wonder if Neil Armstrong was a collector.
***Or 'Auth,' 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5.
****Of course, an easier way of landing that filthy slut is by doing a bunch of shots of Cuervo with her, but I digress.
*****Nothing personal.