SEX Sells...ummm...I mean...It's Almost Bikini Season...
mycardsareupheregraphic.jpg
...so it's time to get your collecting muscles in shape!!!!
Presented for gawkers and buyers alike
(for the former, I'll give you a minute to stare before I proceed...but you can always scroll back up to take yet another look...I mean, who the heck wouldn't, right?), here is
Collectorisms Part XX - Section 1.
Whether it’s the philosophy, (attempted) humor, insights, criticism, realism, or the utter stupidity itself, if you don’t see your own face staring back at you in the ‘Collectorisms’ mirror, then you simply aren’t collecting hard enough.
1159. Tedzantic (eponym)
The free and unselfish sharing of one’s own vast wisdom, expertise and mastery of specific card sets, as well as other hobby insights, to help expand the knowledge base of the collecting community as a whole.
1160. Redumbdancy
When the topic of a new thread is something that’s been covered a bazillion times before and you just can’t believe that yet another person is trying to lead everyone down that same worn out, heavily potholed road.
1161. Wrinkle Shot
The picture of a card purposely taken on an angle in the light to highlight to the viewer the creases, ripples or other surface issues that wouldn’t be readily apparent were it photographed lying flat.
1163. “You get a NO on 100% of the offers you DON’T make.” (proverb)
An advisory reminding collectors to never be afraid of taking shots at creating opportunities for yourself, so use every chance you get to make offers on cards you want, because the worst a seller can do is say no.*
*Not entirely true, because he may put a curse on your family, but let’s not dwell on the negative.
1164. The Soak City Incongruity
The contradictory nature of collectors having no qualms about soaking and/or minorly ‘improving’ the condition of cards themselves, but becoming ethically outraged if they discover a card they bought had been bettered in the same fashion by someone else.
See also: Compressidue (also
Sootangle) - the rectangular area of discolored build-up appearing on a paper towel after a card has been soaked and weighed down on it to dry.
1165. Postalponement
When the tracking of a card in the USPS system shows it to be traveling via a bewildering and irrationally circuitous route to its final destination.
1166. “One Slab to Rule them All” (cautionary maxim)
The depressing portent that PSA seems to be intent on forging an ‘evil’ monopoly in the card grading world.
1167. Grailvitational Pull
The unyielding force in your collecting soul which causes you to forever keep fruitlessly looking to finally land the card or cards you covet far above and beyond anything else.
1168. Hunting the Glass (slang)
A general term for walking around a card show and examining the cards in sellers’ displays.
See also: “Clearing the Cases!” - a celebratory exclamation for making a great purchase at a show.
See also: Urinullification - the universal problem of being at a show and needing to take a whiz, but the thought of trying to secure everything you’re holding while fiddling with your zipper at the crowded urinals, tells you to bite your lip and just hold it in.
1162. U-Turn on Investment (UOI)
A ‘colorful’ term for taking a serious loss on the sale of a card.
1169. Retrospectator Sport
The mournful watching of a card you once owned, but sold too soon, being auctioned off as its price continues to climb higher and higher into the stratosphere.
1170. Kaynoter
A proprietor dealing in such valuable cards that he simply needs to use a ‘K’ after the number on each of his price stickers to denote “thousands” of dollars.
1171. Chucky Chewzmoor (sobriquet)
That one kid among all of your fervid pack-opening buddies who took an extreme delight in shoving as many planks of pink gum into his trap as it could hold.
1172. Pompeiisity (or
Covered in Snoot)
When a slew of threads have all become active due to new posts appearing, but you see it’s the same sanctimonious know-it-all who loves the sound of his own keyboard who’s responsible once again for blanketing the site in a tiresome layer of his typed-out slag.
See also: Hardcore Yawn - the utter boredom that comes from seeing more posts from this type of individual, and you just shake your head and scroll right past them without giving it a second thought.
1174. Infernoise
The silly use of fire icons in an auction or sales listing title to denote how intensely smoking hot and awesome the card is.
See also: Flame-Flam Man (or
Blaze Bloke) - anyone employing this particular tactic in their listings.
1175. Prognostigrader
Someone examining and asessing their cards to determine what grades he believes they will get in his TPG submission.
1176. Newbonic Plague
The pestilence of a bunch of newly joined members all coming out of the gates trying to scam people.
See also: Crocodile Dundeeviant - any of these new wave of scammers who oddly claim to hail from the ‘Land Down Under.’
See also: First-Cozener (also
Bluffer-in-Law) - that fictitious, invented ‘relative’ of his that a swindler claims just happens to own the very card you’ve been searching for.
1177. Oxfraud English
The utterly nonsensical and seemingly random wording and phraseology in the messages sent out by scammers, indicating only a hazy, at best, familiarity with English grammar or western culture itself.
See also: Drivel Engineer - the person responsible for creating these types of ridiculous, perhaps AI-aided, scamming messages.
1178. Ignorance is Blistery (idiom)
A warning of the perils of getting burned by diving too quickly into a new area of collecting without first possessing enough of a rudimentary understanding of the unfamiliar terrain.
1179. Mikey Mantle
The term for a card of any player being an obvious forgery.
“Yup, that one there is definitely a Mikey.”
1180. “Bring Out Your Dread”
Any thread which is started for the express purpose of eliciting complaints from other members about someone or something.
See also: Camplaigning - being on a crusade to convince the masses that you are right about whatever it is you’re bitching about.
1181. Off-Track Abetting
When someone claims to ‘not have a horse in the race’ when posting in a contentious, argumentative thread, but his obviously one-sided support of one of the ‘combatants’ tells quite a different story.
See also: Paddock Peeps (or
Secretarianots) - those whose assertions of not having a horse in a particular race are legitimately forthright and honest.
1182. The Doctrine of Exceediency (
"Being Exceedient")
The unwritten rule that if you make an unsolicited attempt to get someone to trade you a card of theirs you want, it is incumbent upon you to make sure anything you offer in return clearly surpasses the ‘value’ of their card, thus ensuring he’ll do well on his end were a deal to be reached.
See also: “You gotta swap him off his feet!” - a homespun adage relating this foundational necessity.
See also: Surpassionate - a trade proposal which easily eclipses the ‘much higher value’ threshold and plainly expresses a deep desire to land a targeted card.
See also: YAMBasting (acronym-ish) - when the frustration over the low-ball trade offers coming from someone (who reached out to you first) reaches a boiling point, and you exclaim, “You approached ME, buddy...not the other way around!!”
1183. Cashcrowning
It doesn’t matter how loathsome of a creature the buyer in front of you may be, a seller must leave emotion out of the equation, so if he has the money, then cash is king and he’s the ‘right’ buyer.
1184. Offtabling
Approaching someone who's been attempting to sell his old cards to various dealers at a show, and asking if you can check out and possibly make an offer on his stuff.
1185. No Crest for the Wicked
It doesn’t matter how ridiculously high prices get in general, the noted extortionate sellers on eBay or at shows will keep making their prices even more and more ‘ridiculouslyer’ higher without a top ever to be reached.
See also: “Apogeezus!!” - an exclamation which expresses, “For the love of God, how freakin’ high can their prices go!!!!!!!”
1186. High Thriced
The reality of going to a show and knowing that every single card for sale there will be overpriced by a minimum of three times what it ‘should’ be.
See also: “Dean-Age Wasteland” - a term for this sad reality as a play on a certain eBay seller’s name.
See also: “A Card in the Hand is Worth Two on the ‘Bay” - the justification for willfully overpaying for a card at a show, so you can take it home and own it right now.
1187. Flipcornering (truism)
The best way to judge the condition of a card’s front corners is to flip it over and examine its back corners.
1188. Sold Wives’ Tale
Any telling of a suspiciously fantastical story invoving the sale of a card - whether he was the buyer or seller - that just doesn’t seem to add up to anyone paying attention.
See also: Toast Story - any spooky retelling of the time you got burnt on the sale of a card that chills listeners to the bone.
1189. Hi-View No-Queue (Brit.)
When you see a major card (Cobb, Jackie, Mantle, etc.) listed for sale in the B/S/T Forum that has all sorts of views tallied up, but a zero in the ‘Replies’ column, you know without clicking on it that no one’s lining up to grab it because the seller’s price must be too unreasonable.
See also: Pricing Yourself in the Foot - when you post something for sale and it gets immediately snapped up, you gloomily realize the asking price was much too low and you left a lot of money on the table.
1190. Cronyological
The addition of less-than-ideal candidates to Cooperstown by Hall of Fame veterans committees, which seems to be based solely on the voting members’ relationships and kinships with the nominated players.
1191. Boothmark
The specific features, signage, etc., a seller utilizes to set his booth apart from the multitude of others crowding the card show floor, and let showgoers know exactly whose set-up it is.
1192. Value-Padded
The simple fact that for innumerable reasons and personal attachments (a favorite player, great centering, a cool print oddity, etc.), certain cards of yours are worth more to you than what any honest assessment of their monetary value ‘should’ be.
See also: Overdevaluation - the human frailty of always readily assigning greatly inflated values to your own cards, while considerably undervaluing everyone else's cards.
1193. Rarefied Blare
The seemingly obligatory and knee-jerk practice of exclaiming “Rare!!!” to describe any card that clearly is nothing of the sort.
See also: Rawmeater (slang) - a seller who habitually overuses the word “rare” in his listings.
1194. The Fright Stuff
How the techniques of altering, doctoring or creating cards to fool potential buyers have scarily improved by leaps and bounds in recent times.
1195. Gem-D
A card doctor specializing in teaching people how to ‘professionally’ alter cards to make them more ‘minty.’
1196. White Color Criminal
A pathetic seller who attempts to deceive people through the undisclosed bleaching of a card.
See also: Bleach Conned - someone who’s duped by such a scammer.
1197. Control Patcher
An expert in ‘improving’ old cards by deceptively recoloring them.
See also: Repainting the Corners - the work he does.
1198. Kamera Chameleon (refer to
#50)
Someone quite adept at deceptively altering photos and scans of cards to make them appear to be better than they are.
1199. Speed Ablating
Deceptively aging a fake card to make it appear to have natural wear, although such decay doesn’t occur over the course of a century, it occurs during an afternoon spent in a card doctor’s hands.
1200. Tamper Tantrum
A seller angrily taking exception to people calling him out on the laughably obvious fake piece of crap he’s pushing.
1201. Lotglutted
When an auction has a great overabundance of pieces listed, so some consigners are left fearful of their items being drowned out in the metaphorical flood.
See also: “Beating a Dead House” - the manner in which the same belabored and consistent complaints about an auction house continually re-emerge in the wake of yet another one of their auctions ending.
1202. Trickled to Death
The lamentable fact that although when you were young it was accepted that all of the players on old cards were long dead and gone, you now realize the cold hand of death has already claimed a huge percentage of the players you grew up watching, and the list continues to grow every day.
Whoa, what an incredibly depressing way to end this section. Maybe we should all just take a moment and call our primary care physician...just saying.