[JollyElm]

"You say it’s two weeks too late, but since life and health and other things have gotten in the way, I say it’s just 50 weeks early (for next year’s National)."


At long last, I present to you Collectorisms Part XVII - Section 2



1021. Halcyonslaught
The incredibly nostalgic feelings that come rushing in and bring you back to your youth the moment you walk into a card show.

1022. Table Tilt
The standard, stationary pose of standing still at a dealer’s table with your head angled slightly downward to stare at the cards on display there.

See also: Bent Neck Speed - the extremely slow, deliberate pace taken by these guys as they examine the dealer’s wares.

1023. Hormonetization (refer to #963)
A dealer’s purposeful placement of an attractive girl to work his table, so the horny rabble with more dollars than sense will hopefully be more inclined to hand over their dough to her than to the chubby, bearded sellers found at every other table.

1024. Roverviewer
Anyone posting an on-line video exploration of a large card show floor.

See also: Remarko Polo - a person guiding viewers through his extensive video navigation of the show by offering real-time commentary and insights along the way.

See also: Sir Walter Golly - someone filled with wonderment whose focus is discovering awe-worthy treasures on display to zoom in on and highlight to the people at home.

See also: Vasco da Gambience - anybody presenting a general overview of the look, feel and atmosphere of the event, being sure to include all aspects of the show whether they appeal to him personally or not.

See also: Erik the Bread - a deep-pocketed collector whose purpose in filming is to highlight the big-money purchases he’s planning on making.

See also: Brief Ericson - a videographer who only offers short, cursory explorations of table treasures before quickly moving on to the next ones, never giving the viewer enough time to let all of the magnificence sink in.

See also: Captain Crook - someone making a point of noting how outlandish a particular dealer’s prices are.

See also: Ferdinand Magellunch - a guy who inexplicably keeps the camera rolling as he takes time to eat, forcing his viewers to listen to him yap away as he stuffs his face.

See also: Samuel de Chumplain - that loud, over-the-top card show ‘guide’ who’s all style (well, to himself at least) and no substance, and you’re left quickly clicking out of his video to get away from it.

1025. The Pelican Grief
The annoyance of having to continually dodge countless portable cases being wheeled around the crowded floor by other showgoers.

1026. Nextrovert
A showgoer happily moving from table to table, joyously chatting everyone up.

See also: Yentabler (Yid.) - that guy who shows up at your booth and just won’t stop chattering away at you, even though you clearly have plenty of other potential customers who need attending to.

1027. The Stench of a Thousand Buffalo (loosely translated Ojibwe)
The hot, putrid and stifling air quality inside of a poorly ventilated show venue.

See also: "Air Conditioning, Air Conditioning, Air Conditioning" - an adage expressing the three most important factors in determining where to hold a large card collectors convention.

See also: Breaksweatus Operandi (BO) (Lat.) - the unchanging, odiferous mode of slobs who never think of taking their fellow showgoers into account as they once again leave their deodorant sticks back home and unused.

See also: Smellpox - the rancid haze that envelops and infects you as you stand tightly crammed in around the dealer tables.

See also: Tactfoulness - the purposeful use of your malodorous ‘fragrance’ to make people scatter and free up space around you, so you have more room at the tables to comfortably operate in.

See also: Flop Sweat Equity - although you regret your stink is affecting people, you know the gamey odors emanating from your body were earned honestly through your hard work in the card show trenches.

1028. Flooraging
The act of bouncing around a show to see what interesting things you might come across.

1029. Past Sales Frustrata
The exasperation of a seller trying to justify his asking price to you by quoting an abnormally high outlier of a recent sale amount for the same card, and your reaction is, “Yeah, but whoever paid that much is a frickin’ moron!!”

1030. Seen-It Route
Plotting tomorrow’s show navigation itinerary to avoid the areas you already fully explored today.

1031. Swine Dining
Due to the lack of properly laid out concessions areas at a card show, having no choice but to sit on the floor and eat like an animal.

See also: Chaireography - the act of waiting, watching and planning out moves to jump in and grab someone’s seat the moment they finish eating and get up to leave.

1032. Distractivated
Having the usual cards and sets you’re always looking for in mind when you suddenly come across something cool or exciting at a booth that sends you careening off into a completely different direction, and your brain shouts, “I wanna start collecting those cards, too!"

See also: UCO (“Unidentified Cardboard Object”) - when you have no clue what something is, but you take a chance and buy it anyway, just in case it turns out to be something great.

1033. Walking Head
A guy whose video ‘of a show’ is nothing more than his face staring into the camera the whole time as he prattles on and on during his wanderings around the venue.

See also: Cambassador - a self-styled hobby luminary who spends his time on-camera interviewing and hobnobbing with dealers, attendees and any card world personalities and ‘celebrities’ he crosses paths with.

See also: Uberindulgence - someone so full of himself that he actually feels compelled to include footage of him travelling to the venue in his video.

1034. Collextras
The throngs of card collecting showgoers who guest star in the backgrounds of any videos and photographs being shot.

1035. Drools of Engagement (slang)
The unspoken understanding that if you are filming a video at a show, the moment an even marginally attractive girl comes into frame, you stop what you’re doing and leave the camera on her, because everyone watching your video will be shouting, “Screw the card tables!! Follow the girl!!!!!!”

1036. Roam-Spun Wisdom
The useful, beneficial knowledge that you are able to relay to other showgoers that comes from your extensive exploration of a show venue.

1037. Bear Trapture
The feeling of euphoria that comes when a glorious item on display stops you dead in your tracks as you’re walking past a dealer’s table.

1038. “Someday My Short Prints Will Come”
The starry-eyed, wishful longing that somewhere down the line you will finally obtain the last tough high numbers you still need, and your dream of completing that vintage Topps set will come true at last.

1039. Bi-Popular
Big stars whose cards and collectibles are highly sought after regardless of whether you are ‘solely’ a modern collector or a vintage collector.

See also: Omnivoracious - a collector of ‘everything,’ who’s always on the hunt to gobble up any vintage or modern era pieces that appeal to him.

See also: Sadaharu Ohtani - a celebratory name combination tying together Japan’s all time greatest ‘vintage’ slugger with its current modern-day phenom.

1040. Cohobbytation
When two separate dealers share space at a show table or booth.

1041. Horth (“Hotel Room Talking Head”)
A guy (always in close-up for some reason) reporting and summarizing his impressions of a card show at the end of the day from the comfort of his lodgings.

See also: Nosecaster - anyone who has his camera stupidly situated low and pointing upward at his face, so the viewer is forced to have a front-row seat to the inner workings of his nostrils.

See also: News Wanker - when one of these people offering their reports from the card show is too bumbling or uninteresting or self-involved or tiresome (take your pick) for your liking.

See also: Holiday Spinn - when you can’t understand what he’s talking about or where he’s coming from, because you were at the show and your experience was entirely different than his.

1042. Gramboozled (or Widowhoodwinked)
When a little old lady selling her dear, late husband’s collection gets absolutely ripped off without even knowing it.

1043. Jaywalk-In Purchase
When someone approaches a dealer to ask him if he’s interested in buying something he brought to the show, and a random onlooker inserts himself into the situation and offers to buy it for more than what the dealer is offering.

1044. Coopersdownpayment
The strategy of buying up cards of a player you feel stands a better than average shot of getting into the Hall of Fame through the voting of one of the various ‘veterans’ subcommittees.

1045. Holdering Out
Deciding whether waiting until you can find the card you’re hunting for in your preferred TPG’s slab or buying the one right in front of you in a different TPG’s slab is the right move.

1046. Refractornese
The strange, unintelligible-to-vintage-collectors vocabulary and phraseology belonging to collectors of modern day cards.

1047. Go-Go Booths
The exciting dealer set-ups you love heading to, because they have the post-war vintage cards you’re searching for in abundance.

See also: Floorsaken - a great seller you run across whose location has been hidden from the masses due to the poor layout of the venue and through no fault of his own.

See also: Tabooth - a dealer whose table you avoid like the plague and would never even consider visiting, due to personal experience, reputation or other factors.

1048. Dollar Lost Averaging
Realizing you greatly overpaid for a card, the process of looking through the other stuff you bought to find things you got great deals on, so you can ‘increase’ what you paid for them in your personal ledger and effectively ‘lower’ the actual price paid for the original card.

1049. A Labor of Glove
The joy of searching out and finding game-used pieces of equipment..

1050. YouBoobs
The annoying ‘content creators’ found everywhere with their cameras out shooting videos to be uploaded to their on-line channels.

See also: ZooTubers - the herdlike presence of these guys roaming the show floor.

1051. Highlowlights
The best of your self-admitted underwhelming or pedestrian pick-ups from a show where you didn’t actually bring home much of anything you would deem ‘good.’

1052. OIMBY (acronym)
A pointlessly obvious phrase denoting that when it comes to planning where a large collectors convention should be held, the only acceptable answer for both buyers and sellers alike would be a location in close proximity to them, or ‘ONLY in my back yard.’



And the music is finally over, so I will turn out the lights until next time.