Originally Posted by JollyElm
“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and buy some cards once in a while, you could miss it."
I present to you Collectorisms Part XI - Section 1 of 3 (Damn straight it's a trilogy again, as I have had months of down-time with nothing better to do...so stay tuned for part 2!!)
***ALERT!!!!!!*** This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #647 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.
Think doing this crap is easy? Just imagine the time spent spell-checking everything, when virtually every single ‘Collectorism’ is, by design, misspelled!! So, do a guy a favor and frickin' laugh, dammit!!!
Neither the writer nor the owner of the site will be liable for any brain damage arising from reading this nonsense. For comfortable and safe use, please read the Safety & Comfort Guide. Never commit arson. Not even once. If you find yourself so annoyed that you decide to jump into the freezing ocean to end your life, please swim towards the spacious door floating on the surface...but enjoy the coziness alone. DO NOT let anyone named Jack save himself. He's nothing but trouble.
Let's get ready to grumble!!!!!!!!!!!*
*Over the ridiculous amount of silly wordplay. It's quite 'pun'-ishing (get it?)!!
635. Slapnickerhappy (also Slapnick Comedy) (eponym)
The group demeanor of net54 members anytime an obvious scam jockey shows up and laughably thinks he can swindle the collectors here without everyone exposing him.
See also: A Show of Farce - a thread started to allow everyone to point out what a clown the scammer is.
See also: Acupuncturbulence - members systematically poking holes in this idiot’s claims.
See also: F*ck-It Brigade - the members all lining up to join the fray and pour crap on the scammer.
See also: Splat Personality - when this offender tries to pretend he is not the very person everyone in the thread is referring to, and his attempt fails miserably.
636. Youfirstniac (also Feedbucker)
A seller who, although you paid promptly for the card you won, will not leave you feedback until after you’ve received the item and left him positive feedback first.
637. Opinionomics
The determination of a card’s value based not on inherent market factors such as the give and take of supply and demand, or the specific attributes of the individual card, but solely and blindly on the number assigned to it by a Third Party Grader.
638. D.B. Recouper
Anyone attempting in vain to resell a card for a profit that he paid much too much for to begin with, just not comprehending that his money’s simply lost in the wind and it ain’t coming back.
639. Rawling’s Stoned (also Leathereal)
The incredibly rejuvenating and nostalgic high felt by breathing in the unparalleled delicious aroma of a brand new leather mitt.
640. High Scroller
Any collector who has the sheer audacity to set his eBay searches on the “Price + Shipping: highest first” option.
641. Cream of the Crap
The most important Hall of Famer or rookie cards, etc., from an inconsequential, inexpensive set.
642. The Golden Drool
In polite collecting society, when a member offers you enthusiastic props for a card you posted in the new pick-ups thread, it is encumbent upon you to return the favor and show equally great exuberance when he posts a new pick-up of his own.
643. Whetting Zoo
The first tables filled with incredible stuff that you immediately encounter as you walk into a card show, and they get your juices flowing.
See also: Swoop Kitchen - the state of being among the first collectors through the doors at a card show, greatly increasing your chances of grabbing an early cardboard feast before anyone else has a chance to even look at the menu.
644. Hardy Harchivist
Anyone bringing up (for a laugh) the infamous time a board member threatened a member called ‘Archive’ with legal action over a post, even though the guy issuing this threat was actually the very person who many years earlier wrote the now ‘archived’ post that is causing his current consternation.
645. Slambivalence
The happiness you feel when finally getting your cards back from a TPG, while also being quite depressed by how badly you got hammered on the grades.
See also: SSI (Slab Scene Investigation) - using all of the tools at your disposal to closely examine your newly graded card in an effort to decipher how it could’ve received the low grade it did.
646. Far Mint (FM) (slang)
A card in such horrifically bad shape that even its own mother couldn’t love it. The exact opposite of ‘near mint.’
647. Playoffrising
The sudden, marked increase in exorbitantly priced cards appearing on eBay of players who are currently excelling in the post-season.
See also: Playoffloading - the ultra-quick drop in asking prices when the player’s team has been eliminated.
648. Fanishment
When you are once again so annoyed by how your team’s season ended, that you angrily exclaim you will never root for them again.
649. Grinner Child
The heart-melting joy and happiness you still feel every time you catch a glimpse of a card that was a favorite of yours while growing up.
650. Coupon de Grâce
Any small and merciful reduction in price an inflexible seller finally agrees to which grants you the satisfaction of pretending you actually ‘won’ the negotiation.
651. Secret Highdentity
After many decades, it has still not been resolved with any certainty which high numbered cards in certain Topps sets were truly single/short prints.
652. Dinosourcing
Any old school seller still using Beckett and/or other printed reference guides to price his cards, when buyers have instant access to pertinent, in-depth and up-to-date data at their fingertips via their phones.
653. Snaggregate
The exact, pre-determined amount you are willing to bid to grab a card in an auction by already including all of the eventual fees - such as BP, taxes, shipping, etc. - for that maximum bid amount in your calculations.
654. Sock Schlop
The bizarre, random appearance of a foot or feet in an auction photo.
See also: Hoof Wit - a seller who allows this to happen.
655. Begoodled
When someone describes a card as being in “good shape” and you are unsure if they mean it as a general statement denoting “the card looks really nice” or “good” as in the specific low grade situated between “poor” and “very good.”
See also: Inexacterval - when someone refers to “1960’s cards” and you’re not sure if they mean the decade of the 1960s or the singular year of 1960.
656. Botchslapped
Making an unfortunate oversight when pricing a card, such as failing to realize it has a rare back or is a variation, and it causes you to ultimately let it go at a much lower price than you coulda/shoulda have gotten for it.
657. Fogeyism
Any newly created, semi-clever saying that attempts to mirror the fantastic old-time whimsical musings of Yogi Berra.
658. Gradio Silence
The act of listing a card for sale with just the TPG’s number grade, and not a single word to actually describe its shape or the pros and cons of the particular card itself.
659. Wikipediot
Anyone who correctly answers an impossibly tough question in a trivia thread, and you know damn well he just looked it up on-line.
See also: Quikipediately - the rate at which any post containing interesting information sends you off to find on-line resources to read up more on this cool player or topic.
See also: Alex Trebeckon - who is someone that is always starting enticing trivia threads?
660. Goosegeese
Having multiples of Leon Goslin cards.
661. Perfect Lame
When not a single person shows interest in the card or cards you posted for sale or trade in a thread.
662. Subtotalitarian
A collector using whatever means necessary to avoid paying taxes on a card purchase.
See also: Alcaponecating - a collector who refuses to risk legal jeopardy, so he makes sure each of his transactions is completed with every penny of proper taxes being collected or paid out.
See also: Tariffraff (slang) - the collectors looked down upon by others for insisting that taxes must be paid on card purchases.
See also: Feefalling - when a seller reluctantly agrees to allow you to use the taxless PayPal Friends & Family instead of Goods & Services.
663. Heir Supply
Those random boxes of cards and other items kept in the attic, basement or garage that you know you will never go through, so they will become someone else’s problem eventually.
664. Venewfangled
How ballfields went from having wonderfully enduring names that lit up a fan’s heart with nostalgia, to being renamed merely to reflect who’s ponying up the huge sponsorship fees that year.
See also: ‘My Corporate Bank Account is the Largest’ Arena (also Swankee Stadium) - any ballpark that was renamed to reflect a new corporate sponsor.
See also: Shea-What?! Stadium - when someone uses the ‘updated’ name of a ballpark and you have absolutely no idea what field it ‘used to be,’ what city it’s located in or even what team plays there.
665. Carpetbragger
The annoyance of someone snarkily boasting about a new player who just signed with his favorite team via a huge free agency deal, when you’ve been rooting for that guy for years on your team.
666. Fraudian Slip
When a scammer’s words or approach accidentally make his motives for deceit and trickery perfectly obvious for all to see.
See also: Swindling Kindling (also Scambit) - the initial message sent out to a potential target by a scammer to see if he’ll be able to burn you.
See also: Bufakke - when you become a target of scammers, possibly through on-line mistakes of your own, and the attempts to sell you bogus cards start hitting you in the face from all directions.
See also: Deep Fraud Turkey - any victim of a scam who missed all of the obvious signs and indications of deception.
See also: Tattoo-Timer - any scammer who has been outed to the collecting community and marked as a con artist.
See also: Scambusher - someone who derives great fun from screwing with an obvious scammer.
See also: Nigerian Princely Sum - the amount of money lost when a scammer gets the better of you.
667. “Is that a wax pack in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
What every collector hopes the hot girl at the dealer’s table (Where did she even come from??) will ask him with an earnest glint in her eye.
668. ‘Attic’ Condition
Long forgotten cards and memorabilia remaining in decently high condition due to being stored and preserved in a more dry, secure environment.
See also: ‘Basement’ Condition - long forgotten cards and memorabilia in lower, throwaway condition, as a result of being stored in damp, unkempt, moldy environs.
669. Spendurance
When your original bid doesn’t get bettered by someone else during the course of an auction’s run, and you end up taking the win.
670. Autograffliction
A disease causing people to exuberantly chase down and collect signed pieces.
See also: Hifalutink - a rare and pricey autograph
671. Pee-Emonition
The assumption that the person who wrote “PM sent” in the for sale thread you’re viewing has bought the card.
See also: Mute Mate - a member who curiously posts “PM sent” in your thread, but you never actually receive a message from him.
672. The Lord of the Swings
Any thread centered around the eternal, contentious question of, “Who was the best hitter in the history of the game?”
673. Florazontal
The engaging, wildly colorful layouts of 1955 and 1956 Topps cards.
674. I, Robought
Any card won through the utilization of a snipe app.
675. Flair Assumption
The supposition that some Hall of Famers whose career numbers do not seem stellar enough when compared to others to merit inclusion in Cooperstown, had their larger than life personalities to thank for their induction.
676. Environminty
Cards that may be technically off-center, but since they do not have four delineated borders and/or were designed with backgrounds that go fully to the edges - like 1962, 1963 and 1968 Topps sets - it’s not readily apparent or in any way concerning.
677. Nulti-Player
A vintage league leaders card that doesn’t have a single HOF’er pictured on it.
678. Dorsal Find
An amazing card you spot sticking out of the jumbled mishmash of stuff crammed inside an overflowing ‘discount’ box at a card show.
679. Buy Appeal
The internal debate of seeing a card at a great price for the particular grade, but knowing it is clearly ‘over-graded’ and would never receive the same number were it submitted today, and deciding if it’s a good move to buy it.
See also: Straitjacket Grade - a card that is criminally, insanely over or under-graded. “It looks nothing better than a straight 4, but it got a straitjacket 7!!”
See also: Low Grrrade - a card of yours so clearly undergraded that it makes you growl.
680. Glut Feeling
The worry that now is probably not the right time to try to sell a card and get your target price, because there is already an overabundance of the same card on eBay.
681. Faux Derek
A card curiously graded a 9.5, as there is nothing detectable to the human eye to separate it from a 10
See also: Boderek Jeter - any Derek Jeter card that is graded a perfect 10.
682. Record Crooks
The players either holding all-time records or being near the top of career lists, who got there by cheating.
683. “And thus it is written, the man able to remove creases from cards shall rule the world!”
A piece of wisdom found inscribed on an ancient cuneiform tablet.
684. Testimoney
The theoretical belief that at some point in the future a free agent will actually answer the question, “What made you decide to sign with the (name of team here)?” by stating, “For the gobs and gobs of money. A-duh!!!!!”
685. Neandertalk
When an old-time vintage card collector chats with a young, modern card collector about what things were like back in the good old collecting days and the kid doesn’t have a clue what the old guy is talking about.
End of section 1, so get a jump on inserting razor blades into candy bars. Halloween is almost here...
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