[JollyElm]

“By the pricking of my thumbs (undoubtedly from trying to remove a card from an overly snug toploader),
Some more gibberish this way comes..."


I present to you Collectorisms Part XIV - Section 1


***ALERT!!!!!!***
This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #863 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.


Happily, this is now a pet-friendly thread. So, a reminder: Never swing a bat at a hornet's nest. Never. Just walk away. Perhaps, go get yourself a Big Mac or whatever for lunch instead? It doesn't matter if you're wielding your wonderful late aunt's antique smoker in a playful, semi-drunk manner on a sunny afternoon long ago...winged, stinging insects with wicked alarm pheromones are the devil's doing!!! Not going to make that mistake again.
DO NOT read "The New Directory of Collectorisms" if you are allergic to "The New Directory of Collectorisms."


If Collecting was easy, everyone would do it!!*




847. Bidass
A renegade who has the temerity to place a bid for more than the minimally required increment in the ‘Live Auctions’ section.

848. Senile Implant
A card which has been on your need list forever that you unexpectedly stumble across hidden away somewhere in your stuff, and you can’t for the life of you remember ever owning it or placing it there.

849. Nobel Post Prize
Any comment, pick-up, uploaded pic, etc., which makes people exclaim, “You win the thread!”

See also: Havalanche - someone blowing everybody’s minds with their incredible stockpile of applicable cards in any ‘Show Us Your...’ thread.

850. Having a Sheet Tooth
A collector who enjoys expanding his collection of uncut printing pieces.

851. “If the card doesn’t fit, you mustn’t submit”
The time-honored reminder to always take the simple step of measuring out a card and comparing its size to other cards from the same set before sending it off to be graded.

852. Intoxicrated (also Drunk Slab)
A card housed inside of a holder with AA (Authentic Altered) on the label.

853. Betterwürsten (Ger.)
The obligatory addition of the phrase “some better, some worse” after giving a specific assessment of the overall condition of a group of cards.

854. Hannibal Collecter
Anyone who is perfectly fine with adding ‘skinned’ cards to his collection.

855. Soldfinger
A seller who is always able to turn your consignments into great victories for your bank account.

See also: Posse Galore - no matter how many times disreputable consignment persons or entities are exposed, they will always have a group of apologists waiting in line to sing their praises.

856. Misorienteer
Anyone uploading a picture which shows up rotated sideways, with its top and bottom being positioned wrongly to the left and right.

See also: Slantomime - the act of tilting one’s head to the side in order to ‘correctly’ view the picture in the thread.

See also: Tilting Tommy - anyone engaged in this type of (necessary) activity.

See also: Slanthropologist - a member who helps guide you through the process of correcting this uploaded picture problem.

857. Misundermistaken
When a card you auctioned off sells for seriously more than you could have ever imagined.

See also: Misovermistaken - when a card you auctioned off sells for a significantly lower amount than you fully expected it to.

858. “You Shoulda Put a Number On It”
The dismayed reaction to someone hyping an ungraded card they’re trying to sell, which makes you wonder, “If it’s so great, why didn’t you have it graded...like every single other card you sell??”

859. Frieze-Framer
Any card featuring the hallowed, world renowned Yankee Stadium ‘facade’ majestically lining the rooftop of the ballpark in the background.

860. Disapperson
The screenname of someone you’ve completely forgotten about - although he used to be an ever-present, regular poster on the site - that you run across while reading through an old, outdated thread.

861. “I flew too close to the sun on wings of cardboard”
A humble self-assessment after taking a great risk on a purchase, sale or other hobby decision that ultimately turned out to be a terribly poor move.

862. Wesunseldian (refer to #595) (eponym)
A player who seemingly spends an inordinate amount of time playing the role of co-star on other people’s cards.

863. Mountainearness
The claustrophobic feeling of being surrounded by backpack-wearing, outfitted-to-tackle-Kilimanjaro show-goers as they crowd out and bump into everyone around the tables.

See also: Cardsherpa - anyone at a show who is strapped into a large backpack.

864. Musical Rares
When a discovery is made of a crop of ‘lost’ cards - like E98s from the “Black Swamp Find” or the appearance of dozens of cases of 1972 Topps football high numbers - and you’re left standing as the ones you’ve always owned and treasured instantly become a lot less scarce.

See also: A Fate Worse Than Dearth - the rueful realization that in one fell swoop this newly found group of cards has severely lowered the value of yours.

865. Ghestwriter (also Secretarialist)
The clubhouse person who was responsible for ‘autographing’ items in place of a star player who couldn’t be bothered to do so.

866. Snakebelly Pricing
When a seller refuses to put price tags on the fronts of his slabs and holders for all to see, and instead must remove each card from his display case and consult the sticker on its underside to tell you what he’s asking for it.

See also: Great Wit Shark - a predatory seller who thinks his wonderful jocularity, charm and hobby banter is enough to make you ignore his extortionate prices.

867. Crop Smirkles
The entertainment and joy derived from looking at wildly miscut cards.

868. Eyevestigation
A request for members to examine a picture of a card or other piece you have questions about, in the hope that effective insights, opinions and answers can be offered to you.

See also: “Mr. Roarke says hello.” - a gentle way to tell you the item you are seeking information on is nothing more than a fantasy piece.

869. Past-Salesmanship
The skill of effectively moving cards by ensuring your asking prices are very much in line with what similar ones have sold for recently.

See also: Lessen-Lesson - any information that allows a seller to see more clearly and wisely lower his price on a card.

870. Swilljaimet (eponym)
The garbage a scandalous member wants everyone to swallow as he dodges legitimate questions about his integrity and starts playing the victim in a thread he started in a silly attempt at damage control.

See also: 12-Sidestep Program - the process of someone pretending to come here seeking ‘hobby redemption’ (whatever that is), while avoiding answering any direct questions put to him or actually owning up to any of the misdeeds he was shown to have perpetrated.

871. Steinblech
Any long-winded, novel-length post in a thread that you have no desire to read.

See also: Stubtitles - when somebody sums up another member’s lengthy TLDR (“too long, didn’t read”) post in a short and simple, concise retelling of the main points.

See also: Count TLDRacula - someone whose overly long, drawn-out, and/or lecturing post saps the very lifeblood from your soul.

872. Blurbanking
The purposeful use of slightly hazy or unclear pictures of a card in order to obscure its shortcomings - like the true condition of its corners - and profit off of a buyer’s assumption that it’s in better shape than it is.

873. Historical Lackuracy
How common sense, logic and anecdotal evidence leaves no doubt that the year of issue date of a card set is different from what it has always been accepted to be.

See also: Year and Loathing - the disgust in knowing that although you can prove the date of issue on a TPG’s labels for a particular card set is wrong, there’s no chance they’ll ever agree to correct it.

874. Capernicus
An expert in the field of supporting or opposing the identification and/or dating of a game used hat.

875. Overwanter
Someone posting cards for trade which are generally collected by ‘everyone,’ but whose need list is comprised of extremely tough gets or things that are much more valuable than what he’s offering in return.

876. Back and Frothing
When talks about a proposed sale or trade of a card go from being polite and courteous negotiations to swiftly heading downhill and straight into the crapper.

877. Binder Banter
Any discussion centered around the joys and pains of trying to complete full sets.

878. Nopuncts (NP’s)
Members whose posts are run-on sentences without a single capital letter, period, comma or other punctuation mark used to separate thoughts or topic changes and let the reader know where one sentence ends and a new one begins.

879. Sideklicks
Any live links embedded in a member’s signature/footer.

880. Cardboard Inversiality
The law of nature stating that the higher the card numbers in a set go, the fewer of them you will have in your boxes.



End of section 1...so, head outside and feel how the growing warmth means the start of the baseball season is nearly upon us at last!!!