"Sons of Net54!
Of eBay!
My brothers in cardboard!
I see in your eyes the same fear of losing an auction that would take the heart of me.
aragornwithcards.jpg
A day may come when the courage of Collectors fails, when we forsake other members’ threads and break all bonds of fellowship by no longer paying attention to each other’s posts...but it is NOT this day.
An hour of complainers and card doctors and apologists when the Age of Collectors comes crashing down...but it is NOT this day!
This day...WE COLLECT!!!!!”
Translation: I present to you
Collectorisms Part XV - Section 1
***ALERT!!!!!!***
My precious...this is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to
#934 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.
No orcs were harmed during the creation of this post.
The all-seeing eye of Sauron is never used as a means to take a front row seat while your wives, girlfriends or daughters are in the shower. On occasion, however, he may sneak a peak at your naked, soapy body to give himself a well-deserved chuckle.
All Ents are 100% recyclable.
917. Upsized-Downsizing
Heinously taking an old card which happened to naturally measure out wider and/or taller than it was meant to be, and trimming it down to the ‘correct’ size...giving it newly and illegitimately perfected edges and corners.
918. Nickelwagsing
Responding to anyone snidely saying he knows exactly what you paid for a card you have for sale or trade by remarking, “Yeah...and someone paid five cents for a pack of cigarettes and got a T-206 Honus Wagner, so what’s your point??”
919. Bimwitting
Using the acronym “BMWT” in a ‘For sale’ listing to indicate delivery via “bubble-mailer with tracking.”
920. Recurriations
The lesser cousins of ‘true’ error and variation cards whose collectability is based on the appearance of routine print anomalies and oddities, such as fish eyes, print dots, color streaks, border gaps, splotches, offsets, etc., on them.
See also: Printanomilator - a spirited collector of such material.
See also: Grasping at Flaws - the reality that if you search for these types of printing aberrations, there will always be an inexhaustible supply of ‘new’ discoveries to be found.
921. Accumulabeler (slang)
A collector who routinely cracks cards out of their slabs, but doesn’t send the flips back to the TPGs to have the cert numbers removed from the pop reports.
See also: Depopt - when the cert number and/or other parts of the label of a graded card has been purposely blacked out or obscured in some fashion in a posted picture.
922. “You’re like four sharp corners on a round card”
The use of baseball card imagery to tell someone that he’s full of sh*t.
923. Snoozemovery (Snoozemover)
Under the precept of “if you snooze, you lose,” a seller deciding that he has given a potential buyer more than enough time to act, but since no deal is forthcoming, it is time to move on and let someone else have a crack at his item instead.
See also: Prebumptial Agreement - making a ‘low-ball’ offer to someone in the B/S/T, and he agrees to let you have the card IF after a final bumping of the thread, no one takes it at his original asking price.
924. “Syd”
Anyone referring to himself as a ‘Collector, Investor, Dealer.’
925. OKCD (Ordinary Kid Collecting ‘Disorder’)
The approach of collecting cards that mirrors how you did it as a boy, where centering, sharp corners, print clarity, etc., doesn’t come into play, and all that matters is getting your hands on the cards you want regardless of their shape.
926. Shoddy Double
When two of the same cards are sitting in holders with the exact same grade, but one looks a helluva lot worse than the other.
See also: Separated at Worth - the disparity between the looks and appeal, and therefore the monetary value, of two such ‘identical’ cards.
927. Mr. Magood Enough
The figurative Topps employee whose eyesight was responsible for ensuring the print sheets and cutting equipment were perfectly aligned and calibrated to create nothing but 50/50 centered cards.
928. Lead Winged Angel (or
Saint Amisstopher)
A seller wrongly enjoying a glorious eBay rating, because the excessive amount of negatives he regularly receives are drowned out by the multitudes of obligatory positives he gets because of the sheer volume of cards he sells.
929. Flurrier
A card having too much print ‘snow’ affecting the image.
930. Addy Andy
Anyone still putting his personal e-mail address in their buying and selling posts, leaving the flood gates wide open for scammers.
See also: Google Glomster - a scammer who contacts you about buying one of his cards, but any image search will immediately return a photo of the exact same card he’s claiming to own.
931. Check Sold Prices Data Twice, Purchase Once (idiom)
A warning to be sure to double-check the fairness of an asking price (based on past sales) before making a mistake and spending a foolishly unreasonable amount on a card.
932. The Big Ho-Hah
The kerfuffle over different people having different pronunciations of Honus Wagner’s first name moniker.
933. Refractroulette
The obsessive, addictive mindset of getting a ‘fix’ by constantly throwing away money breaking open modern packs and boxes in the hope of finally hitting it big with a monstrous score.
934. Sneezeball (or
Gesundheight of Stupidity)
(derogative)
With ridiculous new rules making major league games fly by in the blink of an eye, the simple act of reaching for a tissue will cause you to miss three full innings.
935. Chupacardra
A mystical card caught between two realities, because although it can be found listed in ‘official’ on-line set checklists, no one has ever produced firm evidence that it truly exists.
936. Vamoosence (also
Exit Page Left)
When you’ve had more than enough with a thread (or the people in it) and decide it’s time to leave it behind for good, but you do so without first making a grand announcement that this will be your final post in the thread.
See also: Withdrawbridge - the single post that finally tells you this thread has gone to the dogs and it’s time to make your exit.
937. M.V.C.
The main focus (the ‘most valuable card’) of any group of cards put up for sale.
“That one’s clearly the MVC!”
938. Rounding Upleap
Claiming how great your, for example, PSA 7 card is by stating, “I’ve seen PSA 8’s that are not nearly as nice as this one.”
939. “With friends and family like this, who needs enemies??!!”
A plaintive exhortation after being screwed over by using PayPal Friends & Family instead of opting for the safety of the Goods & Services option.
940. Lostening
The act of selling a card at fair market price, but in doing so you get back less than what you yourself paid for the card.
941. Parting is Such Swift Sorrow (maxim)
Although accompanied by an outpouring of grief and warm remembrances, the depressing way each ‘Sad News...’ thread about a player or collector passing away is fated to quickly disappear from the front page as the wheels of time continue to surge ahead.
942. Rage Parade
Taking a jealous trip through any ‘Post your (name of auction house here) wins’ thread only to see all of the celebration and jubilation surrounding people’s great pick-ups...pieces that you yourself were really hoping to win, but were outbid on.
943. Pompomposity
The new tactic sweeping the eBay community where sellers ostentatiously photograph their cards sitting proudly on clear plastic display stand easels to enthusiastically present them in a reverential light.
944. NSFWS (Not Safe for Wife to See)
Shorthand for any buy that makes you fear for your life thinking how your spouse is going to react when she gets wind of how much money you ‘threw away’ on a card.
945. Bugger-Bargainer (or
Buggener)
(informal)
A potential buyer whose goal isn’t to get a seller to come down a bit to a more ‘fair’ price for a card, but whose clear objective is nothing short of getting an absolute steal for himself.
946. Self-Interwresting
When a poster is seeking help with a situation he’s involved in and someone chimes in to say, “I had something similar happen to me...” and goes on to steer away the focus of the thread to make it about his problem instead.
947. Downumeralization
The technique of agreeing to trade a higher-graded, valuable card to someone for a lower-graded version of the same card, so in the end you will still own one, but you benefit by receiving other noteworthy cards along with it to bridge the value gap.
948. “One Step Up, Two Steps Back...Seven Steps Sideways”
An assessment of the difficulty in trying to keep in tune and current in the constantly shifting vintage card marketplace.
949. “Deleted with Prejudice” (refer to
#168)
The legal term informing people that when a member edited out his post in a thread to make it say “delete,” his original words did not contain anything controversial, argumentative, or derogatory, and were removed for a harmless reason.
950. Scrubbish Binning
The act of pretending you’re doing something noble by donating boxes of cards to a local thrift shop or charity...but let’s face it, it was either this or just throw out the worthless heap of junky cards.
See also: Emptied Gesture - when you have the gall to first remove every single thing that could conceivably be called a ‘good’ card from the amassment before making the faux donation.
End of section 1...so, now you have 5 minutes to kill before moving on to the next thread. I recommend using it to watch a baseball game, but after it's finished you'll still have 3 more minutes to waste!!!