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DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!
I present to you a special
(and way too late in the day) Fourth of July bonus,
Collectorisms Part XVI.
"For want of a grilled hot dog bathed in relish and spicy mustard, I would let my cardboard kingdom fall!!"
No fingers were lost as M-80s exploded all around during the creation of this ill-advised addendum.
Clearly not enough time (I mean not even close, as a sneeze lasted longer) was devoted to writing down thoughts, as I was overly busy chugging beers.
979. Red, White and Blew It
The bad business move of accidentally having your eBay auction end on the Fourth of July, meaning only a tiny fraction of people across the country are even checking the site.
See also: Windependence Day - making a huge score off of eBay, because you were the ‘only’ person paying attention to the auction.
980. Rhubarbecue
Fueled by a bit too much ‘overserving’ in the backyard, the annual rebirth of the snarky, heated arguments you, your family members, friends and neighbors get into about which teams and players are the best.
See also: Riffle Ball - how said arguments continue and grow more intense when the element of an ego-driven ‘fun’ game is added to the mix.
981. Uncle Sham
A well known, supposedly ‘great guy’ who uses his good name and reputation in the hobby to scam people.
982. Liarworks
The overabundant use of airy and colorful positive spin words a seller gives a card to raise its standing to fraudulently great heights.
983. Yankee Doodle Candy
Whether it be Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Reggie, Jeter or Judge, the glorious cards of The Bronx Bombers you cherish so greatly.
See also: The Boston Scree Party - the wicked enjoyment Sox fans have downing beers and piling on more and more bitter hatred towards the New Yawk Yankees.
See also: We Hold These Ruths to Be Self-Evident - love or hate the Yanks, everyone knows that each and every Babe Ruth card holds a precious, valuable and storied place in all collectors’ hearts.
984. Mold Glory
The great cards in your collection that you adore so much even though they aren’t even within a country mile of being in nice shape.
See also: The Pursuit of Crappiness - the inalienable right of finding joy in seeking out lower grade cards to add to your collection.
985. Sworn on the Cobb
The goal of doing whatever is possible to finally land any career contemporary Ty Cobb card.
986. Declaration of Grindependence
The proclamation made amid all of the heartache that comes from pursuing cards, that you swear you will make more of a legitimate effort to just enjoy the hell out of the hobby.
See also: “I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Pipe Dream” - the assertion that no matter how hard it gets, you are still going to do whatever it takes to reach your collecting goals...no matter how far OUT of reach they continue to be.
987. Firewatermelon
That huge and not well thought out ‘juicy’ purchase your inebriated self makes off of eBay in the late, waning hours of the holiday, leaving your wallet with a big hangover come the 5th.
See also: Pyrochecknics - when your significant other goes ballistic after discovering how much of a hit the checking account took from this stupid pick-up.
Merry Fourth of July to everyone!!