"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine wordplay, puns, drollery, and attempted witticisms...
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...go down, in a most (hopefully) delightful way!!!!"
Presented for chimney sweepers and collectors alike
(or both at the same time, as their is no rule against chimney sweeps being collectors),
Collectorisms Part XVIII - Section 1.
Collectorisms may cause psychotic breakdowns in those prone to such reactions. Please consult the included Collectorisms brochure for further information.
1053. Downton Hobbey
The opulent state of existence the more affluent members of net54 enjoy as they gravitate together and continually pat each other on the back over their latest obscene purchases, while paying little attention to the lowly interests of the budgetary peasants who also call the site home.
See also: Coy Polloi - the monied collectors who fly under the radar, because their modest, more down-to-earth posting activities don’t leave the impression they have huge budgets to work with.
See also: Westminster Slabbey - any thread serving as a glorious display venue for their museum-worthy pieces.
1054. Scallywagner
Any of the legion of Honus Wagner cards and pieces that due to the use of virtually the same image, bear a striking resemblance to his legendary T206 card.
See also: Wags-Adjacent Premium (
WAP) - his greatness as a player aside, the higher than ‘normal’ prices each one of these pieces commands, because of the permanent association with his T206 card, the crown jewel of collecting,
“Man, I really took a ‘wapping’ on that M116 Honus card!”
1055. The Multiple Bid Absurdity Principle
The rationale that any bid made during the course of an auction is a wasted bid, because it harms you by needlessly and artificially raising the price of the item. Logically speaking, the ONLY bid one should ever make is an all-in, last moment snipe bid.
1056. Swapaganda
The half-truths, lies and hyperbole at play when someone is trying to convince you that the trade offer HE’S proposing will clearly make you, NOT him, the ‘winner’ of the deal.
See also: One-Way Streep - when a trader involved in this type of self-serving activity is putting on an Academy Award-worthy performance.
1057. Fulcrumble
In hindsight, the precise post that takes a thread that was cruising along normally and begins steering it downhill into a shit show.
1058. “The Future’s So Dim, I Gotta Wear Grades”
As you sadly decide it’s time to begin planning for the hereafter, step one is to make sure each and every one of your cardboard assets is housed in a respectable TPG’s slab for a straightforward and easy liquidation by your eventual heirs.
See also: Zero Sum Claim - the fear that after you’re gone, your wife will lose out big-time by selling your cards for the fictionally low prices you ‘swore’ to her you paid for them.
1059. Divorchestration
Having a strategical arrangement in place which will conceal the existence and/or value of your collection for maximum effect, so your no-good, dirty, road whore of a soon-to-be-ex-wife won’t be able to take you to the cardboard cleaners.
1060. Adverlution
The realization that many of the sponsors you so fondly tied directly to the N.Y. Mets as a young fan (Schaefer Beer, e.g.) had already filled the exact same role as the mainstays of the Brooklyn Dodgers years before.
1061. Umbilical Cards
The collectibles that still remain at your childhood home, and not only did your mother NOT throw them out, she has kept them safe and properly stored for you.
1062. Slabpremacy
The hierarchical structure of the Third Party Grader world where the sales prices realized of the same cards with the same number grades will vary widely depending on which TPG’s holders the cards sit in.
See also: “Tux the Rich!” - a seller’s hope that seeing more and more big money cards sitting inside of SGC holders will further elevate the TPG’s status and begin bringing the sales prices realized numbers closer to what the same grades sell for in rival PSA holders.
See also: Law of Diminishing Diminishments (AKA
Bottom Barrel Parity) - in layman’s terms, the lower you go down the number grade scale, the less disparity will be found between the sold prices of cards in PSA holders versus those housed in other slabs.
See also: Plastic Turtleharing - deciding what works best for you personally as a seller, going with SGC to get your cards back quickly, but they will likely sell for lower prices, or sending them off to PSA, which will take an interminable amount of time, but should yield greater resale results.
1063. OPCOC
The proper descriptive acronym for Canadian O-Pee-Chee cards, since every one of them is bound to be found severely off-centered.
1064. Eavesdropportunist
Someone who sees what specific cards or items are being discussed or sought after in threads, and surprise, surprise, he suddenly posts a new FS listing in the B/S/T selling one of the very items being talked about, as if it’s just some sort of a random coincidence...NOT.
1065. “Put it in the tool belt”
An expression noting that the hammer has come down and the auction is over.
1066. Top-Dropper
When a large group of cards from a specific set is offered for sale or trade and, of course, the range of numbers included in the lot stops dead before reaching the high series.
1067. Gregmorrisified (eponym)
When you no longer bid in a particular seller’s auctions, because his fine, trusted stature in the hobby has made bidders flock to his offerings and considerably raise the prices of each card well beyond what they ‘should’ be.
1068. Frankensteinbeck
Anyone regaling you with entertaining sagas and recountings of their experiences collecting the T206 ‘monster.’
See also: Snagatha Christie - someone telling a fascinating and entertaining tale, complete with twists and turns and surprises, about how he came to own a particular card.
1069. Goosejuicer
Any of the storied card dealers from long ago who came across great bulk discoveries of previously rare, impossible-to-find cards, and slowly milked their golden finds for all they were worth.
1070. Seman-ticks
Members who try to shift the direction of a thread by arguing over the specific meaning of a word or words used by the OP, when his intent was as clear as day to anyone not trying to suck the life out of a thread for their own enjoyment.
See also: Pedantichrist - an overly exhausting know-it-all who attempts to use these trivial word games to his advantage.
1071. RevenooBSTer
Someone fresh to net54 whose entire low post count tally is comprised of nothing but ‘for sale’ listings in the free B/S/T section.
1072. Orville Breadenbacher
Anyone who is set to make a killing after his TPG submission popped with great number grades.
1073. Ignorvitation
When someone expresses his annoyance at something you wrote, so you invite him to simply add you to their ‘ignore list.’
See also: Witless Protection - the technicalities in play which allow members who are so full of opinions about everything, to still not be required to have their names appear in their posts.
1074. Ship-Shopping (slang)
After winning an auction, scouring through the seller’s other items to take advantage of his “additional cards ship for free” policy.
See also: Defrayvity - the act of buying another card or cards in order to distribute the single shipping cost equally across multiple items and effectively lower the end cost of the original card you bought.
1075. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Questions
When the photograph used on a card leaves you cluelessly wondering, “What in high heck was going on the moment this picture was snapped??”
1076. Same Shoot, Different Day
Any cards of a player appearing in either the same set or a set from a different year where the photos used aren’t the same, but were obviously taken during the very same photoshoot
1077. Shrilliteracy
When an eBay auction screams “READ!!!” in the title, but when you look at the description, there is nothing additional there to warrant the inclusion of such a demand.
1078. Curbin’ Planner
Someone who, because he’s moving away or some other factor, has decided it’s time to gather together his boxes of junk cards and leave them on the street for the garbage man to haul away.
See also: Street Swoopers - the people who furtively creep in to dig through the refuse left out on the curb in hopes of finding desirable collectibles hidden inside the rubbish heap.
1079. Dabble Vision
Having a main collecting focus, but also occasionally picking up items from other specific sets or issues that you have come to take a fancy to.
1080. Pastposement
Any team card which featured a photograph taken years before and didn’t reflect the club’s 'current' roster.
1081. Tykeoon
The self-assured, modern card collecting juvenile found at shows who has great market savvy, cash to burn and an advanced set of negotiation skills.
See also: Teenageriatric - a young collector possessing a wealth of vintage card knowledge far beyond his years.
1082. Proptimizing
When scammers are sure to feature all sorts of obviously authentic low-value cards mixed in with their big-money forgeries to bolster the impression to their ‘audience’ that everything in the lot as a whole is legitimate.
1083. Backflapper
Someone whose natural inclination is to house slabs in protective card sleeves by having the resealable adhesive strip ‘hidden’ on the back side of the card holder.
See also: Frontflapper - someone who is more at home having the sealant flap situated on the front side of the card holder for easier access.
1084. Craigslast
When a list is compiled, from best to worst, of platforms you can trust to successfully conduct collectibles commerce on, it is rather obvious which site will always occupy the space at the very bottom.
And section 1 comes to an inglorious end.