I love Fed Ex

[paul]

Me: Hello, Fed Ex? I just walked outside and found a Fed Ex tag on my door. It says on it that your delivery guy left it five minutes ago, when I was home. I'm not sure why he didn't knock. Anyhow, can I pick it up today at your offices?

Fed Ex: Let me check to see if the driver can come back right now. (10 minute delay). Sorry, he says he has left your area and can't come back.

Me: Well, can I pick it up at your offices?

Fed Ex: Sure, no problem.

Me: Where is it?

Fed Ex: About 20 miles away.

Me: Gee, that's strange. I live in a city of a quarter million people. I'd think you would have a closer office than that. But, ok, I'll come get it. What time do you close?

Fed Ex: 5:00.

Me: And what time do you expect the package to be back at your offices?

Fed Ex: Around 8:00.

Me: Well that won't work very well, will it?

Fed Ex: No, I'm sorry, it won't. But we can deliver it for you on Tuesday between 9 and 5.

Me: That won't work either. I work for a living and can't stay home all day waiting for a package.

Fed Ex: I understand.

Me: Well, can I pick it up at your office on Monday?

Fed Ex: No, that office is closed on Monday. That's why they won't be delivering it until Tuesday.

Me: Well, can I pick it up at your office on Tuesday?

Fed Ex: Sure, come by any time before 5:00.

Me: Remember that thing I said about working for a living? It's real tough for me to leave work early enough to fight through traffic to go 20 miles out of my way to your office before 5:00.

Fed Ex: You can pick it up next Saturday.

Me: So, the shipper went through the trouble of sending this by Fed Ex because he had some sense of urgency. And you're telling me I have to wait an extra week?

Fed Ex: Yes, sir, I'm sorry.

Me: Can you re-route it to my office?

Fed Ex: No, I'm sorry, the shipper has placed a restriction on the package.

Me: So the only way for me to get my package is to wait a week and drive 20 miles to get it?

Fed Ex: That's correct.

Me: Will Fed Ex keep trying to deliver it to my empty home in the meantime, and then send it back to the shipper?

Fed Ex: Well, to prevent that, we need to make an entry in the system?

Me: Can you please do that?

Fed Ex: I'm sorry, you'll have to call back after the package is returned to the office at 8 pm tonight.

Me: Great.

Fed Ex: Have a nice day!