Bad Recommendations

[Cooper1927]

So my friend and I like thinking up lines for recommendations for people that are...less than stellar.

I’ll start with:

“While my life would certainly have been better not having known them, they have helped me grow as a person in the area of patience and perseverance.”


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[JollyElm]

"Sure, he'll stab you in the back, but at least you'll get a free utensil out of the deal."

[Snapolit1]

"If you could buy Joe for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth, you would be a rich man indeed."

[Cooper1927]

During the most difficult times of crises, they are definitely a person you can count on to be more than underwhelming.


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[carlsonjok]

His team would follow him anywhere....

...but only out of morbid curiousity.

[todeen]

She set him on the path of the straight and narrow..... but he justified his way to hell.

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[Steve D]

These are some comments taken from British military officer efficiency reports over the years:

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

- A room temperature IQ.

- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

- A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

- A prime candidate for natural deselection.

- Bright as Alaska in December.

- One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.

- Donated his body to science before he was done using it.

- Fell out of the family tree.

- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

- Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

- He is so dense, light bends around him.

- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

- One neuron short of a synapse.

- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

- Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.


Steve

[NiceDocter]

"He represents the cream of the crap"

"It has been a pressure to have worked with her"

[Econteachert205]

No collection is incomplete without it.

[frankbmd]

A pimple on the asshole of progress.

[Cooper1927]

Her work ethic is beyond the expectations of a previously living person.


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[akleinb611]

With apologies to Oscar Wilde:

"Some people light up a room by entering it, others by taking their leave."

[Mark17]

While playing amateur ball, we had a pitcher for whom it was said:

His arm belongs in the Hall of Fame, and his brain belongs in a jar.

[ajquigs]

“... I remind you that Bozo was a widely beloved clown ...”

[Cooper1927]

“You have risen beyond my lowest expectations”


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[frankbmd]

You are irreplaceable, but you will not be missed.

[Cooper1927]

Originally Posted by frankbmd

You are irreplaceable, but you will not be missed.

Need like buttons on this app…


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[icurnmedic]

“ The naked man fears no pickpocket “

[Cooper1927]

I can’t recommend this person enough for an entry level position.


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[butchie_t]

If it wasn’t for him the entire team would be much smarter and further along with their tasking.

[Beercan collector]

I’ve seen worse

[steve B]

I've always liked an ad slogan from the early 1900s found in sears catalogs and a few other places.

"None could be better"

Which can be taken as "this one is absolutely the best"
OR
"You'd be better off with nothing instead of this"

[Exhibitman]

My mother once said to me:

"It is amazing what you have accomplished with all of your limitations."