what's your favorite sleazy dealer excuse?

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Posted By: warshawlaw 

I just got a card in an auction described as "excellent to near mint." The card has multiple creases (not visible from the auction scan) and an ink stamp on the back (no back scan presented). The seller has already agreed to refund my money and all shipping so I am not going to pillory him here, other than to present his asinine excuse, because it is just like ones I get all the time from other dealers who I catch selling dreck listed as high grade:

"Although, I have been a memorabilia dealer
for over twenty-five years I am not and have not been a card dealer, and obviously am not capable of grading cards to the standard of card collectors."
--I get a variation of this lame-ass excuse probably 50% of the time I return a grossly overgraded card. It is so deceitful. If you are not a dealer and don't know how to grade cards, don't offer them for auction. Plus, I've seen this guy's listings for like five years and he always has cards for sale on his web site and in his auctions.

Other excuses I love (all are paraphrases):

"I don't know much about this issue"
--then crack a book, idiot, or find someone who does, before you misrepresent items to the public.

"I did not look at the card carefully"
--This is the second most-used excuse. All I can say is that with this sort of attention to detail, I sure hope this dealer's kid never needs a prescription medicine administered.

"I picked it up as part of a big lot and did not open the holder before I listed it"
--Actually got this one when I returned an "N162" that was a photocopy of an N162 glued to cardboard; funny how this never happens with Cobb or Ruth cards. . .

And my favorite of all, which paraphrases what a certain auctioneer who shall remain nameless pissily told me:

"I guess we have different grading standards."
--Right, I have standards.

What are some of the good ones you've gotten?