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Old 01-14-2021, 07:14 AM
JollyElm's Avatar
JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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Default The New Directory of Collectorisms Part III...

On base, no one can hear you scream...so I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part III (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** I can't say this strongly enough. This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!

No animals were harmed in the making of this tome.


I encourage anyone stopping by to first scroll down and read #200, to understand what's going on here.



And the horses are on the track...


122. Omissionary (also Ballcard Faced Lie)
A person who purposefully lists a card as a PSA 9, even though it is actually a PSA 9 OC.

123. Fly-Over Greats (also The Overbook Hotel, Cases Loaded)
A show table full of beautiful Hall of Famer cards, but there’s not a single price tag anywhere to be seen, so you know everything is super-exorbitant and you decide to just pass it on by.

See also: Villainventory - a vendor’s table at a card show with just ridiculously high prices.

124. Ban of the Year Roast (also Adrianaline Rush)
A thread where people gleefully celebrate a certain member being kicked off of the site.

See also: Defrostracized - when a member is allowed to return after a temporary banning.

125. Roopthink
People who want their sets to only be housed in the finest binders available.

126. Fait Tobaccompli (also Tobaccomplish)
Finishing a particular run of T206 backs.

127. Backslacker
Someone who doesn’t include a scan of the reverse of a card in an auction.

See also: Backnowledgement - a request to see a scan of the back of the card.

See also: Fifty-Nifty - a card with beautiful front centering, but having an MC qualifier because the other half (the back) is slightly miscut.

128. Syntaxperation
Being driven absolutely bonkers with frustration whenever you see a blatantly obvious misspelled word in a thread title...and it never gets corrected by the OP, even though it’s been there for days!!

See also: Peacemik - a collector who is somehow able to summon the restraint needed NOT to blow a gasket every time someone incorrectly spells Mantle as “Mantel.”

See also: Grammar Yahtzee (also Five-Fool Player) - seeing a single post that contains no fewer than five misspellings and/or misuses of the words you’re/your, they’re/there/their, too/to/two or than/then.

129. Papo Dei Papi (Ital.)
The highest graded example of a card.

130. Digilantes
The ‘investigators’ who expose nefarious trim jobs that led to higher regrades.

See also: Good Pop/Bad Pop - the before and after pictures used to prove their case.

See also: Popdusted - when a slab’s overly ‘frosted edges’ indicates it has been compromised and the card inside has probably been switched.

See also: Phoenicks - a lower grade card that was shown to be trimmed and resubmitted to rise again as a high grade card.

131. Tenzing Noway
A person who knows he’ll never reach the top of the mountain and complete the 1952 Topps set due to the oxygen-depriving cost of the high numbers.

132. Caught Booking
When you ask a dealer, “How much for this card?,” and he immediately buries his face in the latest Beckett guide to establish his unreasonable price.

See also: Guide & Seek - trying to convince a seller that his price on a card you want is just preposterously higher than the supposed book value.

133. Unfull Count (also Middle Deceiver)
When you buy a complete set and find there are cards missing as you flip through the numbers in the cardboard box.

134. Pine Drive (also Objet D’ash, Hickory Channel)
Stopping by an antiques shop in the hopes of stumbling across a valuable or noteworthy old-time wooden bat.

See also: Lumber Jumble - trying to work through the puzzle of figuring out if the bat you own was game used.

135. Going Yardsale
Hitting a home run by finding a treasured card for a cheap price at a local garage sale.

See also: Four Bragger - a guy who makes a find like that, but enjoys rubbing everyone’s face in it.

136. Bushleaguered
Once again being completely annoyed by how poorly your favorite team is doing.

137. Porchshort
A package marked as delivered, when it never reached your door. Now you have to try to figure out if it was lost in the mail or delivered to the wrong address, etc.

See also: Stamp of Disapproval - having to argue with the USPS to get the mess sorted out.

138. Gasket Catch
The act of lightly tapping the sides of a holder to gently coax a card back into the slab’s gasket from which it escaped.

139. Excavacation
When someone asks for recommendations on what card shops he should dig around in while visiting a particular city or town.

140. Valley of the Swings
Jumping in and paying more than you would like to for a great card, because you are fearful that prices are going to start escalating soon.

141. Gin Dummy
Being liquored up and making some very dubious after-midnight purchase decisions on ebay.

142. Ebenezer Scrood
The realization that your card has spent so long flattened down in a screw-down holder that it will never get a grade other than “Authentic.”

143. Paintheartedness
After someone proudly shows off the artwork of their favorite ballplayer they’ve picked up, you just don’t have the heart to tell him how God-awful it looks, with distorted features and other patently obvious problems.

See also: Scrunchvision - when the subject’s eyes are indisputably, dreadfully much too close together.

144. Discounterpart (also Willie McCoverage, Ubiquitous Erving)
A player who is featured on one or more other cards (of far lesser value) in the same set containing his rookie card.

145. Slabstitute Teacher (slang)
A member who walks newbies through the process of getting cards graded.

146. Pigskinflation
Being priced out of HOF’er football cards that until recently you could’ve picked up for a mere song.

147. The Golden Hurls
Another episode of “Who was the better pitcher?” or a thread discussing which hurlers belong in the Hall of Fame.

148. Cigareverie (also Pipebeam)
Losing yourself in happy wonderment as you think about how somebody over a century ago pulled the very card you are holding out of a pack of cigarettes or tobacco.

See also: Timetrippedup - wishing you could go back in time to grab tobacco cards right out of the packs or see Hall of Famers playing in actual games...but knowing your lazy ass would be exposed as a time traveler by wearing the wrong hat or making a ‘Seinfeld’ reference.

149. Snarkeling
Happening onto a thread that’s on the verge of getting heated, and you start throwing snide comments into the mix to help it boil over.

See also: Butter-Baiter - a person who gleefully stokes the fire by posting an obnoxious ‘popcorn meme’ in the thread.

150. Dismaysed
Finally meeting your all-time favorite ballplayer in person, and it turns out he’s a real jackass.

151. Nyettlesome (also Slabnabbit)
Not understanding why PSA refused to grade a card that seemed to measure out perfectly fine, and returned it to you as “MINSIZREQ.”

152. Laughing Grass (also Yuckwheat)
An auction photo that BOOM!! has a stray pubic hair making a surprise appearance.

See also: Interfurence - when a pic shows all sorts of pet hair in and around the collectible.

153. Goose Pegg
Finding a nice 1973 Topps Rich Gossage rookie card in a cheap ‘bargain bin.’

See also: Winfergreen - a Dave Winfield card with gumstains on it.

See also: Baltimore Swap - the attempt to trade for valuable Frank Robinson cards.

See also: Afrodisiac - seeing a 1976 Oscar Gamble ‘Traded’ card makes you fall in love with the hobby all over again.

See also: Hilearious - chuckling whenever you run across a Don Mossi card.

See also: Officialnado - a lover of the 1955 Bowman umpire cards.

See also: Arbihater or Grumpire - a collector who does not share that same affection.

154. Poptometrist
Someone who overuses the term “eye appeal” while talking about graded cards.

155. Shuncestry.com (also Conmancestry.com) (theoretical)
A site that examines the ‘DNA’ of a card to see if, before you agree to buy it, it has ever spent time with PWCC or other notorious card doctors.

156. Nostradumbass (also Over/Blunder)
The person whose guess is the most erroneous in any of the ‘predict the ending price of this auction’ contest threads.

157. Running the Gumet
Determining your own personal degree of acceptability when it comes to the various types of stains found on cards, from small amounts of wax/gum residue all the way up to spilled coffee.

See also: Withstanding Eight Count - cracking out a PSA 8 ST card, soaking it or wiping away the schmutz, resubmitting it and getting a straight 8.

See also: Stairway to Seven - the same process as above, but involving a PSA 7 ST card.

See also: Gumbelievable - not being able to figure out why Topps considered itself a chewing gum company and NOT a baseball card company.

158. Discomfortuitous
Stumbling across an incredibly rare, expensive and coveted card (e.g. Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson or Mickey Mantle) that you can pick up very cheaply and you feel as lucky as all hell...but although the card looks authentic, you just know something is wrong with the situation.

159. Canuck-Do Attitude
The love and appreciation of OPC and other ‘Canadian Version’ cards.

See also: Getting Hosered - quickly hitting the ‘Buy It Now’ button when you see a card at a great price that you need for your set...only to ultimately realize it’s an O-Pee-Chee card and not a Topps card.

See also: Substituque - an OPC card used as a temporary placeholder in your set binder until you can grab the Topps version.

160. Scorehoarding
Amassing boxes and boxes of 1980’s-90’s junk era cards to cut up and use in your artwork.

161. Foresmite (also Pushwhack)
Bidding in an auction you have no intention of winning for no other reason than to drive the price up early and make sure the eventual winner pays much more for the card.

162. Cappeasement
The way companies were able to skirt around MLB and NFL contractual issues and produce card, stamp and picture sets by simply removing all traces of the logos from the hats, helmets and uniforms.

163. Disparitizing
Coming across a rarer ‘Green Tint’ in a pile of regular 1962 cards, a Milton Bradley in a stack of 1968’s, or a ‘White Letter’ in an album full of 1969’s.

164. Hearse Verse (also Euloguise)
The odd inclusion, since every one of us is going to die at some point, of “Deceased (and the date)” on a graded autograph label.

See also: Loophole Survivor - a graded autograph of a long-dead HOF’er that has no ‘deceased verbiage’ on the slab, because he was still alive when it was submitted.

See also: Cardtouche - the finally deciphered name of the illegible, chicken scrawl autograph you have on a collectible.

165. Nevervescence
Jubilantly talking about the reasons why you refuse to ever add a certain player’s cards to your collection, because you abhor him so.

166. Hofkilter
When every single common card in your full set binder is absolutely gorgeous..but every Hall of Famer, noted rookie, or high numbered card has wrinkles, corner damage and 90/10 centering both ways.

167. Bland-Me-Downs (also Artificial Bittersweetener or Asparlame)
The free extra throw-ins, like shiny new cards or unopened packs from the 90’s, etc., a seller adds to your package to give the impression that he’s really taking care of you, but it’s just a pile of crap.

See also: Second-Handcuffs - since you assume the only reason he’s giving this stuff out is because someone else dumped it on him, you put it aside to pass off to somebody else down the road.

See also: Schlockpile - the overfilled box you throw this useless junk into.

See also: Extra Winnings - the rare event when you actually get something additional that you’re very happy to receive.

168. Kvetched-in-Stone (also Quotastrophe)
Being way out of line or wrongly complaining about something, but since someone has already ‘quoted’ you in the thread, you can’t easily squeeze out of the mess (and avoid the flood of criticism) via a quick editing job of your original post.

See also: Impugner Eclipse - when a post in a thread just says “deleted” and you’ll never be able to see what kind of nonsense the member was spewing out at someone before ultimately removing the entire thing.

169. Blearious
Auction photos that are so badly out-of-focus that you can’t determine what shape the card is in.

See also: Smalpractice - posting such small pictures (and the zoom feature isn’t activated) that potential bidders can’t make heads or tails out of them.

See also: Scamouflaged - when an ebay seller has a large lot for sale and the main pic shows the cards in piles, and all of the other pictures are just close-ups of those very same piles, not giving the viewer any further information that would be useful.

See also: Cancel Adams (also Annie Leiboshitz or Richard Whathaveudon) - a person who posts such pictures.

170. Nouveau Leech
Someone who, after a famous player dies, immediately floods ebay with a million new, overpriced listings of his cards, trying to quickly turn a huge profit off of his unsuspecting fans’ grief.

See also: Pump-Bump-Chump - a person who falls for this scheme.

171. Pallid Bar
The display and discussion of ‘missing ink’ progressive proof cards.

172. Beckstinguished
Not being able to get a variation graded as a specific error card, because none of the preeminent price guides have officially ‘recognized’ the obvious variation.

173. Detachmentors
Collectors of cards that originally came with tabs or coupons, etc., attached to them.

See also: Tabradour Retriever - a collector who only obtains these cards with all portions being fully intact.

See also: Piecezeal (also Coupgone) - characterized by being open to obtaining such cards with or without those fragments still in place.

174. Lostalgia
Leaving something on your ebay watch list that says “This item is out of stock,” so you will never forget you made a terrible mistake in letting it go.

175. Smash Junkie (also Davy Crackit)
A collector who insists on freeing all of his cards from their TPG holders.

See also: Crackpocket - a collector who must break each of his cards out of their slabs to return them to their natural habitat, ensconced in binder pages.

See also: Crackitect - someone who offers step by step instructions on how to free a card from its plastic prison.

See also: Humblemished - the deflated feeling associated with actually damaging a card during the slab-removal process.

176. Toppleganger
A card which features the same photograph of a player that Topps had already used in a previous year.

See also: Croppleganger (slang) - when that same photograph has been resized and/or cropped differently than the other time(s) it was used.

177. Boomerwrangler
A person so angered by the grade his card received, that he immediately cracks it out and resubmits it right back to the place it just came from in hopes of receiving the higher grade it deserves.

See also: Boonerang (informal) - having a card regraded and it actually comes back at a higher number.

178. Bobgoblin
The bone of contention regarding whether Topps used the name ‘Bob’ on Roberto Clemente cards due to prejudice or because it’s the common shortening of a name such as Robert.

179. Clinchpin
When the last card needed to finally complete your set is one of the most expensive to obtain.

See also: Satisfind - grabbing a card that falls well shy of your usual set and condition parameters, but will have to do for the time being.

180. Sigh Young (also Old at Heart)
Being greatly disturbed by seeing Cy Young’s paunchy old man body on cards and in pictures, and wondering how in heck he could’ve ever won even a single game.

181. Yukstaposition (Also Ron Tompgrins, Jerry Amuseman, Bill Dene-Hee-Hee, Al Weiscrack or Ron Slay)
How some people try to get laughs by referring to the Johnny Bench, Nolan Ryan, Tom Seaver, Pete Rose, or Mike Schmidt rookie cards by using one-of-the-other-players-pictured’s names instead.

182. Covertigo
The uneasy feeling you get when you suspect the person who started a glowing thread about a card on ebay is actually the owner and seller of said card and is trying to keep it under the radar.

183. Unbridled Trekstacy
Looking absolutely forward to travelling a long way to attend a certain card show.

184. Nicokeen (also Spitloon)
A collector who loves picking up cards slathered in ancient tobacco residue or blotched with cracker jack stains.

185. Deals on Wheels
An ebay auction that proclaims, “Benefits charity.”

See also: Affabumpity - specifically using the term “Friendly bump.”

186. Greenbackbreak
The real (and quickly escalating) price of an auction win after the buyer’s premium, taxes, shipping and insurance are added in.

See also: Vigwig - an esteemed auction house that gets away with charging usurious buyer’s premiums.

187. Doughnanza (also The Closetta Stone)
Finding a truly awesome and highly valuable card out of nowhere, hidden inside some long forgotten, stored away box.

188. Fraudcaster
Talking happily about the baseball play-by-play men you grew up watching or listening to, and assuming everyone who isn’t from your neck of the woods knows exactly who you’re talking about...but they have no clue who these people are.

189. Rummagist
Someone who adores digging through the jam-packed discount boxes at a card show.

See also: Digamy - searching through bargain boxes on two different sellers’ adjoining tables at the same time.

See also: Rummagination - the hope that one of these bins holds a treasured card.

See also: Siftmate - the guy right next to you bumping your elbows as he’s digging through the box in front of him.

See also: Digmouth - a guy at the table who just keeps talking to you, when you want no part of it!

See also: Yearntable - looking at someone searching through a box of cards at the next vendor’s set-up, and wanting him to hurry the f*ck up, so you can dive in.

See also: High Truncation - feeling incredibly elated after stumbling upon a great error card or rare high number that isn’t marked as such, but when you ask the seller how much he wants for it, it turns out he knows EXACTLY what the card is.

190. Rawkus
Being very unhappy when someone uses the term ‘raw’ to describe ungraded cards.

191. Stuperefraction
Being absolutely bewildered by and not understanding a single thing about all of the shiny, modern day card sets.

192. Raising Baines
The tumult caused by lesser players being enshrined in the Hall of Fame.

193. Pehighnumbra
The portions of the country sitting outside of the main Topps distribution zones, and the stores located there never got boxes of the last series of baseball cards to sell to kids.

See also: Kicker Shock - going into a store as summer wanes and being stunned to find the baseball cards are no more, and they have been replaced by the latest football card wax packs.

See also: Highnumbskull - a collector who thinks he got a great deal on a bunch of vintage high numbers, only to realize later that the cards are actually from the much more common semi-high series.

194. Kepilogg
The fact that at some point your beloved Kellogg’s 3-D cards are going to shrivel up and crack. You don’t know when it will happen, but the same ending is in store for each and every one of them.

See also: Chorus Curls - everyone telling their own horror stories about how their Kellogg’s 3-D cards crumbled over time.

195. Mend the Bend!
Seeing a card inside a toploader with one of the corner layers bent up against the plastic, which causes you to scream to the heavens, “Why didn’t you push that corner down, back into place before scanning and posting it????!!!!!!!!!”

196. Used Card Salesman
An ebayer who adds words like “Pack Fresh!!!,” Undergraded!!!!," “Centered!!,” “Sharp!!!,” “Regrade???,” or “HOF!!” to his auction titles.

197. Graded Exchange Rate
The pursuit of a mathematical equation to forever solve vexing problems such as, “If a PSA 6 usually sells for X amount, how much less should I pay for the same card in an SGC 6 holder?”

See also: Whifferential (in beta testing) - the advanced formula that takes into account what grade you’re convinced your card will receive, in order to determine what (much lower) number it will actually receive.

See also: Onomapopeia - the litany of curses that flies out of your mouth the moment you find out what horrible grades your cards received.

198. Gravitassist
When one member shows dignity by stepping in to help another member score something great at no charge, because they were screwed over by someone else.

199. Reciprocobbal
A T206 Ty Cobb card with a Ty Cobb back.

200. Smilestone
Celebrating a highly notable post count number by offering up something entertaining.

201. Safelacker
Someone who talks a big game about having strongboxes and such, but you think, “Who are they kidding?” and know all of their Mantles are just sitting in a desk drawer, sandwiched between well-worn sudoku puzzle books and a slew of beef jerky wrappers.

202. Twinbilking
Winning two separate auctions from the same seller, but accidentally paying for one of them by its lonesome, so you then have to add shipping again when you pay for the second card.

203. In Your Stealhouse (also Situating Pretty)
Being the first person to see something at a great price, presumably because it must’ve been listed moments before you got there, so you snatch it right up.


And that's all she wrote. Now no one talk to me...I am freakin' tired!!!!!!!!
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Last edited by JollyElm; 01-17-2021 at 05:55 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-14-2021, 10:09 AM
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luciobar1980 luciobar1980 is offline
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Haha, I'm liking this.
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Old 01-14-2021, 11:24 AM
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luciobar1980 luciobar1980 is offline
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My favorite is Backslacker. Seriously!! Especially on pricey cards. Like wtf??
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Old 01-14-2021, 03:19 PM
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166. Hofkilter
When every single common card in your full set binder is absolutely gorgeous..but every Hall of Famer, noted rookie, or high numbered card has wrinkles, corner damage and 90/10 centering both ways.


This hits close to home! 😀
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Old 01-15-2021, 08:15 PM
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There are too many awesome ones to name my favorite. Nice job! So many of those "ism's" apply to me when collecting.

.
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Last edited by Leon; 01-15-2021 at 08:17 PM.
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