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  #51  
Old 10-29-2022, 05:14 PM
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Leon Leon is offline
Leon
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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See also: Scambusher - someone who derives great fun from screwing with an obvious scammer.

Guilty as charged!


Quote:
Originally Posted by JollyElm View Post
“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and buy some cards once in a while, you could miss it."


I present to you Collectorisms Part XI - Section 1 of 3 (Damn straight it's a trilogy again, as I have had months of down-time with nothing better to do...so stay tuned for part 2!!)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #647 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Think doing this crap is easy? Just imagine the time spent spell-checking everything, when virtually every single ‘Collectorism’ is, by design, misspelled!! So, do a guy a favor and frickin' laugh, dammit!!!

Neither the writer nor the owner of the site will be liable for any brain damage arising from reading this nonsense. For comfortable and safe use, please read the Safety & Comfort Guide. Never commit arson. Not even once. If you find yourself so annoyed that you decide to jump into the freezing ocean to end your life, please swim towards the spacious door floating on the surface...but enjoy the coziness alone. DO NOT let anyone named Jack save himself. He's nothing but trouble.


Let's get ready to grumble!!!!!!!!!!!*



*Over the ridiculous amount of silly wordplay. It's quite 'pun'-ishing (get it?)!!



635. Slapnickerhappy (also Slapnick Comedy) (eponym)
The group demeanor of net54 members anytime an obvious scam jockey shows up and laughably thinks he can swindle the collectors here without everyone exposing him.

See also: A Show of Farce - a thread started to allow everyone to point out what a clown the scammer is.

See also: Acupuncturbulence - members systematically poking holes in this idiot’s claims.

See also: F*ck-It Brigade - the members all lining up to join the fray and pour crap on the scammer.

See also: Splat Personality - when this offender tries to pretend he is not the very person everyone in the thread is referring to, and his attempt fails miserably.

636. Youfirstniac (also Feedbucker)
A seller who, although you paid promptly for the card you won, will not leave you feedback until after you’ve received the item and left him positive feedback first.

637. Opinionomics
The determination of a card’s value based not on inherent market factors such as the give and take of supply and demand, or the specific attributes of the individual card, but solely and blindly on the number assigned to it by a Third Party Grader.

638. D.B. Recouper
Anyone attempting in vain to resell a card for a profit that he paid much too much for to begin with, just not comprehending that his money’s simply lost in the wind and it ain’t coming back.

639. Rawling’s Stoned (also Leathereal)
The incredibly rejuvenating and nostalgic high felt by breathing in the unparalleled delicious aroma of a brand new leather mitt.

640. High Scroller
Any collector who has the sheer audacity to set his eBay searches on the “Price + Shipping: highest first” option.

641. Cream of the Crap
The most important Hall of Famer or rookie cards, etc., from an inconsequential, inexpensive set.

642. The Golden Drool
In polite collecting society, when a member offers you enthusiastic props for a card you posted in the new pick-ups thread, it is encumbent upon you to return the favor and show equally great exuberance when he posts a new pick-up of his own.

643. Whetting Zoo
The first tables filled with incredible stuff that you immediately encounter as you walk into a card show, and they get your juices flowing.

See also: Swoop Kitchen - the state of being among the first collectors through the doors at a card show, greatly increasing your chances of grabbing an early cardboard feast before anyone else has a chance to even look at the menu.

644. Hardy Harchivist
Anyone bringing up (for a laugh) the infamous time a board member threatened a member called ‘Archive’ with legal action over a post, even though the guy issuing this threat was actually the very person who many years earlier wrote the now ‘archived’ post that is causing his current consternation.

645. Slambivalence
The happiness you feel when finally getting your cards back from a TPG, while also being quite depressed by how badly you got hammered on the grades.

See also: SSI (Slab Scene Investigation) - using all of the tools at your disposal to closely examine your newly graded card in an effort to decipher how it could’ve received the low grade it did.

646. Far Mint (FM) (slang)
A card in such horrifically bad shape that even its own mother couldn’t love it. The exact opposite of ‘near mint.’

647. Playoffrising
The sudden, marked increase in exorbitantly priced cards appearing on eBay of players who are currently excelling in the post-season.

See also: Playoffloading - the ultra-quick drop in asking prices when the player’s team has been eliminated.

648. Fanishment
When you are once again so annoyed by how your team’s season ended, that you angrily exclaim you will never root for them again.

649. Grinner Child
The heart-melting joy and happiness you still feel every time you catch a glimpse of a card that was a favorite of yours while growing up.

650. Coupon de Grâce
Any small and merciful reduction in price an inflexible seller finally agrees to which grants you the satisfaction of pretending you actually ‘won’ the negotiation.

651. Secret Highdentity
After many decades, it has still not been resolved with any certainty which high numbered cards in certain Topps sets were truly single/short prints.

652. Dinosourcing
Any old school seller still using Beckett and/or other printed reference guides to price his cards, when buyers have instant access to pertinent, in-depth and up-to-date data at their fingertips via their phones.

653. Snaggregate
The exact, pre-determined amount you are willing to bid to grab a card in an auction by already including all of the eventual fees - such as BP, taxes, shipping, etc. - for that maximum bid amount in your calculations.

654. Sock Schlop
The bizarre, random appearance of a foot or feet in an auction photo.

See also: Hoof Wit - a seller who allows this to happen.

655. Begoodled
When someone describes a card as being in “good shape” and you are unsure if they mean it as a general statement denoting “the card looks really nice” or “good” as in the specific low grade situated between “poor” and “very good.”

See also: Inexacterval - when someone refers to “1960’s cards” and you’re not sure if they mean the decade of the 1960s or the singular year of 1960.

656. Botchslapped
Making an unfortunate oversight when pricing a card, such as failing to realize it has a rare back or is a variation, and it causes you to ultimately let it go at a much lower price than you coulda/shoulda have gotten for it.

657. Fogeyism
Any newly created, semi-clever saying that attempts to mirror the fantastic old-time whimsical musings of Yogi Berra.

658. Gradio Silence
The act of listing a card for sale with just the TPG’s number grade, and not a single word to actually describe its shape or the pros and cons of the particular card itself.

659. Wikipediot
Anyone who correctly answers an impossibly tough question in a trivia thread, and you know damn well he just looked it up on-line.

See also: Quikipediately - the rate at which any post containing interesting information sends you off to find on-line resources to read up more on this cool player or topic.

See also: Alex Trebeckon - who is someone that is always starting enticing trivia threads?

660. Goosegeese
Having multiples of Leon Goslin cards.

661. Perfect Lame
When not a single person shows interest in the card or cards you posted for sale or trade in a thread.

662. Subtotalitarian
A collector using whatever means necessary to avoid paying taxes on a card purchase.

See also: Alcaponecating - a collector who refuses to risk legal jeopardy, so he makes sure each of his transactions is completed with every penny of proper taxes being collected or paid out.

See also: Tariffraff (slang) - the collectors looked down upon by others for insisting that taxes must be paid on card purchases.

See also: Feefalling - when a seller reluctantly agrees to allow you to use the taxless PayPal Friends & Family instead of Goods & Services.

663. Heir Supply
Those random boxes of cards and other items kept in the attic, basement or garage that you know you will never go through, so they will become someone else’s problem eventually.

664. Venewfangled
How ballfields went from having wonderfully enduring names that lit up a fan’s heart with nostalgia, to being renamed merely to reflect who’s ponying up the huge sponsorship fees that year.

See also: ‘My Corporate Bank Account is the Largest’ Arena (also Swankee Stadium) - any ballpark that was renamed to reflect a new corporate sponsor.

See also: Shea-What?! Stadium - when someone uses the ‘updated’ name of a ballpark and you have absolutely no idea what field it ‘used to be,’ what city it’s located in or even what team plays there.

665. Carpetbragger
The annoyance of someone snarkily boasting about a new player who just signed with his favorite team via a huge free agency deal, when you’ve been rooting for that guy for years on your team.

666. Fraudian Slip
When a scammer’s words or approach accidentally make his motives for deceit and trickery perfectly obvious for all to see.

See also: Swindling Kindling (also Scambit) - the initial message sent out to a potential target by a scammer to see if he’ll be able to burn you.

See also: Bufakke - when you become a target of scammers, possibly through on-line mistakes of your own, and the attempts to sell you bogus cards start hitting you in the face from all directions.

See also: Deep Fraud Turkey - any victim of a scam who missed all of the obvious signs and indications of deception.

See also: Tattoo-Timer - any scammer who has been outed to the collecting community and marked as a con artist.

See also: Scambusher - someone who derives great fun from screwing with an obvious scammer.

See also: Nigerian Princely Sum - the amount of money lost when a scammer gets the better of you.

667. “Is that a wax pack in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
What every collector hopes the hot girl at the dealer’s table (Where did she even come from??) will ask him with an earnest glint in her eye.

668. ‘Attic’ Condition
Long forgotten cards and memorabilia remaining in decently high condition due to being stored and preserved in a more dry, secure environment.

See also: ‘Basement’ Condition - long forgotten cards and memorabilia in lower, throwaway condition, as a result of being stored in damp, unkempt, moldy environs.

669. Spendurance
When your original bid doesn’t get bettered by someone else during the course of an auction’s run, and you end up taking the win.

670. Autograffliction
A disease causing people to exuberantly chase down and collect signed pieces.

See also: Hifalutink - a rare and pricey autograph

671. Pee-Emonition
The assumption that the person who wrote “PM sent” in the for sale thread you’re viewing has bought the card.

See also: Mute Mate - a member who curiously posts “PM sent” in your thread, but you never actually receive a message from him.

672. The Lord of the Swings
Any thread centered around the eternal, contentious question of, “Who was the best hitter in the history of the game?”

673. Florazontal
The engaging, wildly colorful layouts of 1955 and 1956 Topps cards.

674. I, Robought
Any card won through the utilization of a snipe app.

675. Flair Assumption
The supposition that some Hall of Famers whose career numbers do not seem stellar enough when compared to others to merit inclusion in Cooperstown, had their larger than life personalities to thank for their induction.

676. Environminty
Cards that may be technically off-center, but since they do not have four delineated borders and/or were designed with backgrounds that go fully to the edges - like 1962, 1963 and 1968 Topps sets - it’s not readily apparent or in any way concerning.

677. Nulti-Player
A vintage league leaders card that doesn’t have a single HOF’er pictured on it.

678. Dorsal Find
An amazing card you spot sticking out of the jumbled mishmash of stuff crammed inside an overflowing ‘discount’ box at a card show.

679. Buy Appeal
The internal debate of seeing a card at a great price for the particular grade, but knowing it is clearly ‘over-graded’ and would never receive the same number were it submitted today, and deciding if it’s a good move to buy it.

See also: Straitjacket Grade - a card that is criminally, insanely over or under-graded. “It looks nothing better than a straight 4, but it got a straitjacket 7!!”

See also: Low Grrrade - a card of yours so clearly undergraded that it makes you growl.

680. Glut Feeling
The worry that now is probably not the right time to try to sell a card and get your target price, because there is already an overabundance of the same card on eBay.

681. Faux Derek
A card curiously graded a 9.5, as there is nothing detectable to the human eye to separate it from a 10

See also: Boderek Jeter - any Derek Jeter card that is graded a perfect 10.

682. Record Crooks
The players either holding all-time records or being near the top of career lists, who got there by cheating.

683. “And thus it is written, the man able to remove creases from cards shall rule the world!”
A piece of wisdom found inscribed on an ancient cuneiform tablet.

684. Testimoney
The theoretical belief that at some point in the future a free agent will actually answer the question, “What made you decide to sign with the (name of team here)?” by stating, “For the gobs and gobs of money. A-duh!!!!!”

685. Neandertalk
When an old-time vintage card collector chats with a young, modern card collector about what things were like back in the good old collecting days and the kid doesn’t have a clue what the old guy is talking about.


End of section 1, so get a jump on inserting razor blades into candy bars. Halloween is almost here...
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  #52  
Old 11-02-2022, 03:10 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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"Just when I thought I was out, the cardboard keeps pulling me back in."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XI - Section 2 of 3


“Heaven is full of threads for which nobody ever bothered to ask..."


686. Portly Party (also Chub Club)
Looking at photos from a card show and giggling at the overabundance of balding, hat-wearing, middle-aged fatties walking around.

See also: Self-Factualization - when viewing these types of pics and you come to the sudden, horrific realization, “Wait...that’s EXACTLY what I look like these days!!"

687. Squeeze Pray
Trying to exert the perfect amount of finger pressure to the sides of a Card Saver to get it to stay open long enough to allow the comfortable insertion of a card without it snapping shut halfway through and damaging said card.

See also: Pliantagonist - a Card Saver that simply refuses to fall in line and properly remain open.

688. Thinker to Nevers to Perchance
The three stages of a collector’s purchasing decision:
1. “Wow...that’s a pretty nice card. I should consider grabbing it.”
2. “Whoa...no way!! That price is way too expensive.”
3. “Hmmm...you know what, I really want it. Maybe I can find a way to afford it.”

689. Six-Legged Paperweight
The guy planted in a chair in front of a table at a show, head tilted, staring down as he endlessly rifles through stacks of cards taken from the dealer’s large count storage boxes.

See also: SpongeBlob - when one of these self-important guys takes up a ton of space in front of a table and won’t cede ground to anyone else wanting to look at the dealer’s offerings.

690. Uppercrushment (also Starfoul)
The undeniable existence of a two-tiered grading system, wherein if you submit a valuable Hall of Famer and a common that are both in the exact same shape, the HOF’er will undoubtedly come back with a lower number on its slab than the nobody.

See also: Dearth Grader - the villainous way TPGs seem to purposely and consistently give lower, harsher grades to certain specific cards, creating a false scarcity of high grade examples.

691. Eye Deafness
The inability of any collector to accurately assess what grades his own cards will receive when being sent off to a TPG.

692. “Bubble, Bubble, Foil and Trouble”
A Shakespearean lamentation warning of the burst to come if you pursue shiny, newly-released modern day chase cards too vigorously as their prices quickly and unrealistically surge due to an inordinate amount of early collector enthusiasm.

See also: “Et Tu, eBay?” - the sorrowful reaction when your attempt to unload a card you greatly overpaid for falls way short of the price you really needed to get for it.

693. Sixodus
The huge, fresh glut of newly graded cards flooding eBay, all having ‘cert numbers’ beginning with the number 6, that are a result of PSA finally working their way through the massive, years long pandemic backlog.

See also: Frontsixer - any of these newly graded cards.

694. The Win Beneath My Wings
The appreciation for a friend or collecting colleague who purposely forgoes bidding in an auction to avoid screwing you over in an unnecessary bidding war, thus giving you a better chance of carrying the day.

695. Writed G
Using asterisks or other characters to replace certain letters in curse words to make them more reader-friendly.

696. Pat Benatarandfeather (slang)
Any thread that starts with someone singing the praises of a person, player, company or some other entity, but quickly devolves into others turning it into a festival of scorn and derision. (Come to think of it, this actually describes EVERY thread.)

697. Intentional Walk-Away
When you’ve set a maximum bid amount for something and once that price is met, come hell or high water, you will not bid another penny more.

See also: Retreating for Two - when the thought of the hell that will be unleashed on you by your wife for spending too much money on a silly little card causes you to stop bidding in an auction.

698. Plunkdrunk
The high that results from getting carried away by emotion and winning a card by bidding much more than you promised yourself you would.

See also: Yupswing - the moment you place the bid which takes you beyond your pre-established limit.

See also: Gung Ho No!!! - the cry of despair resulting from stupidly winning an auction through an incredibly high, nearly self-bankrupting bid.

699. Gunslingering Doubt
The painful regret of not throwing caution to the wind and pulling the trigger on a much higher bid amount than you had planned, because overpaying for a card that rarely comes up for auction is always the right move.

700. Deflation Inflation
When sellers still insist on listing their cards at exorbitantly high prices, seemingly refusing to acknowledge how values have come down significantly since their pandemic highs.

701. Contemporary Insanity
The disbelief over seeing the stunning king’s ransoms being paid for some modern day cards.

702. Hearticulation
Being a lifelong fan and refusing to call your beloved team by the random, ‘politically correct’ moniker it was suddenly changed to, and sticking with what the franchise has always been called.

See also: Wokerevokers - people who aren’t necessarily fans of the team, but have a love for the game’s traditions and team identities, and refuse to use the silly new name.

703. Flipper Upper
Any affordably priced card that you believe to be a strong candidate for a resubmission upgrade to a higher number.

See also: Uppraisal - the examination of a card to determine if it’s suitable for a resubmission attempt.

See also: Bumplump - a card selling for a higher price than it should, most likely due to the feeling it very well should be broken out and resubmitted for a higher grade.

704. Jigsawkward
Vintage cards that were issued as rectangular picture puzzle pieces, but when laid out do not come close to seamlessly fitting together to form the intended whole, due to the wildly inconsistent factory cutting practices of the time.

705. Spurnaround (also Reincardnation)
Taking items that for various reasons were originally rejected by PSA, and now sending the cards in to a different TPG for a new and deserving shot at slab life.

See also: Snubbish Bin (or Snuffedstuff) - the group of cards shunned by PSA that sit in Card Savers donning stickers indicating “MISCUT,” “MINSIZERQ,” etc.

See also: Dismissal Launch - the act of sending out these cards to the ‘new’ TPG.

See also: Gleevival - when your cards now come back slabbed with number grades.

See also: Lazarush - the thrill of having one of your cards rightfully coming back to life.

706. Promissory Bloat
When a seller’s description of the condition of the cards you bought from him turns out to be very understated and everything looks much better than expected.

See also: Midloweight - the importance of understanding that when someone lists a group of cards as being “mid-grade,” you shouldn’t be surprised if the majority of them turn out to be lower grade stuff.

707. Swishful Thinking
The realization that although it was never a rare card, your dream of owning a nice and affordable 1986-87 Fleer Michael Jordan rookie will never come to pass.

708. Thwarthanded (informal)
A vintage card forever ruined by an inauthentic, perhaps secretarial or ink stamped, signature on it.

See also: John Hancrock - the fake autograph found on one of these pieces.

See also: Posticide or Boooo! The Mail - when a card was ruined long ago in this manner after you requested an autograph through a fan letter.

709. Chi-Town Kubobs
The curious way Topps kept designing 1970’s-era Chicago Cubs team cards to be nothing but the ready-for-the-skewer floating heads of the players and coaching staff.

710. Dagnabbit Hole
A busy thread that has a link to a card, picture or something else that everyone’s talking about, but no one has added the actual image to the thread to make it easy for everyone to know what’s going on...so you annoyingly have no choice but to start clicking and following links to get up to speed.

711. “How could you tell he was a scammer?” “Simple. His asking price was quite reasonable.”
A plaintive gripe reflecting the state of baseball card sellers these days.

See also: Sense of Misdirection - the simple smarts and sound judgment which easily allows you to steer clear of card scammers.

712. The Grand Tillusion
The myth that selling your cards on eBay will be an easy way to get your coffers overflowing.

See also: The Point of No Returns - the confusion of seeing an eBayer stating that he doesn’t accept returns, when you’re pretty sure that everything on the site can be sent back for a refund if you follow proper protocols.

See also: Bridge Over Troubled Slaughter - saving yourself from heartache by setting up your auction with a reserve.

See also: Dark Side of the Boon - how the IRS is now forcefully inserting itself into your low value selling efforts made through PayPal and eBay.

See also: Stop Faking Sense - the wish for eBay to quit making nonsensical, unnecessary, and even harmful changes to their platform when nobody asked for them in the first place.

See also: Textile On Main St. - picking up a great, vintage game-worn uniform off of eBay.

713. Guano-it-All
Anyone posting their opinion in an opinion-based thread and concluding with, “End of discussion.”

714. Frank Flawed Wright
If you listen to the loud opinions being voiced in the collecting world, the apparent designer of each and every new TPG slab.

See also: Shabitat - the expressed disdain for a particular TPG’s holder.

715. Middlemerch
The prominent, drool-worthy cards kept front and center beneath the glass at a dealer’s table.

See also: Unobtaina-Table - a seller’s set-up at a show that has nothing but cards which are way beyond your means, but it’s exciting just to catch a glimpse of them anyway.

716. Booby Scratch
Seeing an otherwise gorgeous 1964 Topps card, only to turn it over and discover that some kid followed the directions and rubbed a coin across the blank box to reveal the cartoon answer.

See also: Scrapeheap - a group of these cards.

See also: Scratchscreech - the unhappy reaction to coming across such cards.

See also: Pristingy - the sacrifice of giving up knowing the answer to the tantalizing trivia question on the back of a 1964 card in order to keep it unscratched and unblemished.

See also: Drowntowner - any of the scant few 1964 Topps cards that do not feature the subject player breaking the surface of the photograph and jutting out into the ‘air’ of the white area.

717. Eightyoneing
No matter how great your favorite team is doing, you can never breathe securely until they meet the 81 victory threshold, ensuring they will NOT have a losing season.

718. Ownerslip (also Ransom Notation)
As the cardboard seller’s version of ‘proof of life,’ having your name and today’s date written on something in the picture next to the card you’re offering for sale, for the express purpose of proving to the viewer that not only do you own the card, but you have it in hand.

See also: Proofessor - someone who engages in this activity.

719. Disrobing the Piece
Presenting convincing evidence that a supposed game-worn item found as part of a relic card doesn’t comport with the facts and surely could not have been legitimately worn by the player.

720. Tempty Promise
When a dealer allays your fears by guaranteeing that if you send the card he’s offering to a TPG, it will come back graded.

See also: Stickinthecrawthentic - when the seller informs you that being slabbed as ‘authentic,’ and not receiving a number grade, does indeed count as fulfilling this pledge.

721. Applied Reprintsearch
The act of closely examining the back of a seemingly authentic card in hopes of not finding the word “reprint” there.

See also: Backjacked - discovering that the word “reprint” was deceptively removed from a card to make it appear to be a valuable and legitimate original.

722. Cardboard Orphan
Anyone who had to suffer the indignity of knowing his very own mother thew out his baseball card collection without even telling him.

See also: Forfeitorture - the painful realization that your mom suddenly ‘handed down’ your boxes of baseball cards to a family who has younger, more suitable children to enjoy them.

723. Weirdiful
Any cards, sets or other such collectibles that are undoubtedly as ugly as sin to 99% of all collectors, but are fascinating and desirable to you personally.

See also: Hecktacular - a card that is truly a cool pick-up, but not for the usual reasons. Could be a bizarre printing error, a wild miscut, or something else that makes it wonderfully odd.

724. Penny Pinch-Hitting
Wanting to buy a card, but the price is a bit too high for your budget, so you switch your focus and ‘settle’ for a less desirable, but affordable, alternative.

See also: Hoboasting - being excited about scoring something great that was cheap, cheap, cheap.

725. Telegrim
Any type of message, PM or other communication which informs you that you did not win an auction.

726. Aggrievolution (also Mittamorphoshitz)
The stupendously ridiculous MLB rule changes that have come out of nowhere recently and are simply anathema to the traditions and spirit of the beloved national pastime.


End of section 2, so now you have time to go and buy a Lotto ticket, because it's the only way to afford anything on eBay these days...
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Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-20-2023 at 02:07 PM.
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  #53  
Old 12-06-2022, 04:38 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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“And then? And then when I walked down the street people would've looked and they would've said, there goes the best there ever was in this game of puns and wordplay.”*

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XI - Section 3 of 3


*Which is entirely false, because this stuff is just monumentally tiring, amirite (that's a call-back to the first post in this nonsense thread)?


727. Denty-Header
A card having a crease running across the player’s face.

728. Golden Newbies
The cards produced after Topps stopped issuing sets in multiple series that you’ve always considered to be too ‘modern’ to bother getting graded, but now are old enough that they can carry some nice value.

729. “My horsehide is living rent-free in that guy’s mitt”
When one net54 member seems to have a weird obsession with another member, and his attempts to continually go after him are laughably in vain.

730. Brimmortals
The special category of players whose career numbers are a no-brainer for enshrinement in Cooperstown, but whose unforgiveable baseball sins have left them stranded forever on the threshold looking in.

See also: Hofogenous - the proper descriptive term used to indicate that a group of cards is ‘all’ Hall of Famers, except for the fact Pete Rose, Joe Jackson and/or other pariahs are actually a part of it.

731. Dotcomaraderie (also The Fellowship of the Grab)
The joy of different people with different likes, interests and personalities all meeting up on-line for a shared enthusiasm of baseball card collecting.

See also: Ballpayers - the card collecting community as a whole.

See also: Aarpool Lane - the more senior collectors who enjoy looking back and sharing nostalgic stories of the innocent, halcyon days of their card collecting youth.

732. Shtick Figures (also Packsimiles)
The colorful illustrations of baseball players found adorning vintage wrappers, boxes and other packaging which were obviously intended to resemble real major leaguers, but whose facial features were altered slightly to make them ‘different’ people.

733. Weakilateral
Card sets, like 1954 Topps and others, that appear to be off-centered just by the very nature of their layouts.

734. Short Border Crook
A seller on eBay who deceptively crops his picture to eliminate a little bit on all sides of a lower or mid-grade card to make it magically appear to have four perfectly sharp corners.

735. Detourist Trap
When a card gets caught up in the annoying and pointless over-examinations, delays and worries associated with eBay’s authenticity debacle.

See also: Crawlternate Route - when one of these overly-authenticated cards takes much too long to get into the hands of the buyer.

See also: The Set Break Swerve - the crafty inclusion of such algorithm-upsetting words as “set break” or “pack” in an auction listing to avoid leaving it susceptible to eBay's authentication policies.

736. Window Toast
A card in a holder that has become quite faded, most likely due to being regularly burned by the sun’s rays as it sat forever inside of a shopowner’s display case.

737. Mantoll
When trading for or buying a Mickey Mantle card, the need to always buck up more than it is currently worth, because both you and the other guy know full well it will continue soaring up and away in value from the moment you land it.

See also: Multimantler (slang) - a shorthand way of suggesting a card is valuable, in that a trader would have to offer up an assortment of pricey Mantle cards to get it off of your hands.

738. Netflixceptional
Any hobby story or occurrence that is so magnificent, it would make a must-see movie or TV series.

739. Blue Yonderers
The players and cards you can never go wrong with, because they will perpetualy continue to go up, up, up in value.

See also: Blue Chippopotamus - an elite baseball card that not only will always be very desirable and fat with value, but will continually and exponentially fatten in value.

See also: Trajectormenty - when you’ve been meaning to land a key card for some time, but it just keeps getting further out of your reach as it gets more and more expensive.

740. Pafkontrary
The belief that Topps’ 1952 offering counts as their first real entry into the baseball card marketplace, but that requires entirely ignoring the 1951 ‘Red Back’ and ‘Blue Back’ sets which were released just the year before.

741. Imaginotion
Getting lost in revery thinking about what it would be like to possess one of the most historically epic cards known to man.

See also: Boy Meets Grail - any nostalgic recounting of the time your younger self (or perhaps your son) first caught a glimpse of an illustrious, world famous card.

742. Demigodawful (also Halfpointless)
Any card having a numerical grade of 1.5, which means it doesn’t quite have the divine status of being totally, completely horrific, but falls just a hair shy of that dubious status.

743. Buy of the Tiger
The serious landing of a great old card of one of Detroit’s finest players, such as Ty Cobb, Hank Greenberg, Al Kaline or Charlie Gehringer.

744. Blowback to the Future
The anger over Topps ruining great old vintage cards by invasively stamping the fronts for contemporary buyback insert promotions.

745. “Four is the New Seven” (adage)
As old cards are regularly being hammered by the new brutality of the TPGs, lower slab numbers are not only the order of the day, but are now more acceptable to collectors than ever before.

See also: Higher Heightsing - with high grade examples of cards becoming a rarity due to harsher grading standards, when you see a vintage card with a high number sitting inside of a new holder, you know the graders TRULY deemed it to be outstanding.

See also: Apexceptional - a newly graded vintage card with a high number on the slab.

746. Sitcommerce
When apologists for notorious on-line price extortionists claim they have fine business models, and you can’t help but laugh and wonder, “If that’s the case, why don’t they buy up all of the same cards that others list on eBay for 1/4 of their price and sell them for a huge profit??”

747. Tirading Cards
The cards in your collection of players you find completely, utterly repugnant.

748. Sarcophagospel
The accepted belief that in order to sell a card for a decent price these days, you need to have it graded and situated inside of a slab.

749. Fandom Numbers
How a team’s devoted followers can tell you without hesitation what number uniform an average player from decades ago wore.

750. Breaker’s Dozen
The serendipitous discovery that a wax pack you opened up contained an additional card that pushed it past the number of cards the pack was supposed to hold.
Also applies to the insertion of an ‘extra’ chase card in a modern pack.

751. Swellebration
When a rare or expensive card comes up for auction and captures everyone’s attention so much that a thread is started to enthusiastically begin marveling about how high the bids are going and wondering what the final hammer price will be.

752. Slabsolutism
The state of needing to keep a collection uniform by ensuring all cards are only housed inside the holders of one’s preferred TPG.

See also: “Beauty is in the eye of the reholder” - the motto of such collectors.

753. Insamenity
When the same sellers bring the same boxes of ‘looked-through-a-million-times’ cards and the same wildly overpriced superstars to show after show after show and expect different results.

754. Calamnesty
When something goes very wrong during the course of a transaction, but you are satisfied that the other party wasn’t motivated by malicious intent.

See also: Walking on Neggshells - the internal debate of trying to decide if the relatively bad eBay experience you had merits leaving negative feedback for the seller.

755. Goncore
Any regular issue, not a tribute or special, card of a player appearing in a set the year after he had actually played in his final career game.

756. Batters Not Included
When an eBay seller has multiple cards showing in his pics, but issues a disclaimer stating that the auction is only for the single card listed in the title and not the other ones pictured.

757. Siameasly Twin
That no good so-and-so who collects the exact same stuff as you, and he’s seemingly always able to grab the cards you lust after right from under your nose.

See also: Caintemptible - when you become filled with a murderous rage as your ‘collecting brother’ smugly posts yet another new pick-up.

758. Fraughtical
The inherent issues and dangers faced when attempting to make a purchase from overseas.

759. Pigmentality
Using your familiarity with the specific colors Topps assigned to each team’s players in certain sets to quickly determine if the small portion of a card you can see popping out of other things has the right hues to potentially be an important card.

760. Booster Rooster
A member crowing words to the effect of, “What a great card! I can’t see this one lasting very long,” in someone else’s FS thread.

See also: Whine Seller - anyone who expresses disdain for the fact that no one is jumping on the cards he has put up for sale.

761. Close Horse
How cards of Hall of Fame relief pitcher, Hoyt Wilhem, always seemed to have him sporting yet another new team’s uniform each season.

762. Prigonometry
When a superstar switches teams via a trade or a huge free agency deal, and he simply expects the current wearer of ‘his’ uniform number on the new team to hand it over.

See also: Centeryielder - a player who willingly agrees to surrender his number to the new guy.

763. Plundervalued
An accounting term referring to buying a sizeable lot of cards with some pricey ones mixed in, and by applying the money spent across everything, including the commons, you are able to tell yourself you got the big cards at a super price.

764. Endless Cardboard in a Cardboardless World
The future of the card collecting hobby.

765. Prebay Rare
Cards that used to be crazy cool, because they were so scarce you would never catch a glimpse of one except in a baseball card magazine or price guide, but now can be readily seen anytime you want on eBay.

766. Weedsteed
When a section is overcrowded by newer and newer threads being started, but you have the guts to face it head on and post your new thread anyway.

767. Marital Defrayal
After buying an expensive card, swearing to your wife that it’s your full intention to ‘try’ to sell off other things of yours to get the money back.

768. The Gift of Grab
The ability to use your amiable personality and people skills to pursuade a seller to lower his price down closer to where you want it to be.

769. Bypasstros (also Living in the Pastrodome)
When you hear the Houston Astros mentioned and your brain skips past and can’t seem to acknowledge the fact that the team is ‘now’ an American League squad.

See also: Wisconsolable - still not being able to understand how, why or when the Milwaukee Brewers became a National League franchise.

770. Bent Grade
The way to differentiate slabbed cards with qualifiers from those having ‘straight’ grades.
“It’s OC, a bent 9.”

771. Scamputee
Any lovable card you own which has significant portions of it missing.

772. Platinum Bland
That certain highly valuable and treasured card which every collector is ‘supposed’ to drool over, but really does nothing for you personally.

See also: Desirablasphemy - making the mistake of voicing this opinion to other serious collectors.

773. Grift Basket
A large box of cards for sale that the dealer claims hasn’t been searched through or cherry-picked, but you know darned well every decent card above ‘common’ status has been summarily removed.

774. Unreasonable Reasonableness
When a seller who always lists his cards at ridiculously high prices says he is open to reasonable offers, but you have no idea what his definition of ‘reasonable’ could possibly be.

775. Refried BINs
When you message a seller offering to buy his card for a little bit less than what he’s listed it for, and his response is to immediately raise the Buy-It-Now price on the already overpriced card.

776. D.H. Flawrence
Anyone who actively writes, compiles and maintains checklists of official and unofficial errors and variations across baseball card sets.

777. Bilottoral
The duality of being a true collector who’s in it for the enjoyment, but also someone who is always striving to make sure his collection continually grows more and more valuable.

778. Historyonics
The melodrama of someone insisting his views on what a long dead ballplayer was like are indisputably accurate, although he has no first hand knowledge of the subject and all of his opinions are based upon 2nd, 3rd or 4th party accounts bent and twisted over a huge length of time.

779. Grime Reaper
When a card is so hard to find that its awful condition doesn’t even come into play, and you just grab it the moment an opportunity arises.

780. Drearview Mirror
The misery of only finding out after the fact that a card you’re always hunting for came up for sale recently and was landed by someone else.

781. Fringe Vanilla
The players whose career numbers are somewhat in the neighborhood of Cooperstown-worthy respectability, but don’t enjoy much, if any, serious support from baseball fans for enshrinement.

See also: Free-for-Hall - any thread that was ostensibly started to ‘discuss’ the merits of various enshrined Hall of Famers, but devolves into a rancorous, opinionated airing of grievances.

See also: cooperstown Hall of Participation (cHOP) (under construction) - a place to eat breakfast while putting a bunch of theoretical, non-standardized sabermetric baseball statistics through a blender to make them fit your opinion of whether or not a borderline player deserves enshrinement in The Hall of Fame.

782. “Why don’t you two get a (private chat) room!”
The frustrated cry of everyone reading a thread that has degenerated into nothing but an endless back and forth between a pair of headstrong members.

See also: Greeting a Dead Horse - other members being forced to open the thread every time one of these combatants issues a new post, simply to mark it as ‘read.’



Finally, the end of this trilogy!!!

But since you've been such good boys all year, a half-Krampus, half-Santa hybrid will show up at Christmas time to leave even more funny stuff coal in your net54 stockings...
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 03-09-2023 at 04:29 AM.
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  #54  
Old 12-23-2022, 05:24 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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Q: If Santa Claus fills in as the Buffalo Bills' defensive coordinator for tomorrow's Christmas Eve game, what is his main strategy going to be??

A: Blitzen!! Duh!!!



I present to you Collectorisms Part XII (Days of Christmas)


"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to roll your eyes."



***ALERT!!!!!!*** There is a lot to unwrap here (get it?), so take your time!!! Ho-ho-hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #829 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.


No plastic straws were used in creating this horsereindeershit, and no Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifles were used to shoot any kids' eyes out.


The only way to survive this stupidity is to start chugging mass quantities of rum-rich eggnog!!!!!!!!!!!




783. Infelleribility
The oft-heard quip that whenever you run across anything Bob Feller related, it is virtually guaranteed that the piece will have his autograph on it.

784. Flipmiffed
Although you know once you sell a card, the new owner is free to do with it whatever he wants, you still feel peeved when you see him quickly turn around and resell his new acquisition for a nice profit...a nice profit that ‘rightfully’ should’ve been yours.

785. Counter-refitter
A swindler who is able to seamlessly insert a phony replica or reprint card into an authentic slab to replace the valuable original he has removed.

786. Creeptocurrency
The attempt by someone you don’t know to buy something off of you via a strange new payment method you’ve heard of, but know nothing about and have no faith in.

787. Ballpark Testament
The stories, photographs and memories reflecting a wonderfully personal and enduring love for your team’s long-gone stadium, which had been their home in your earliest days of being a baseball fan.

788. Bequeazy
The troubled feeling of knowing that the people you leave your collection to after you pass away aren’t going to care one iota about how much you cherished and slaved over it for years and years, they’re just going to quickly sell everything off and grab the dough.

See also: “Death, Where is Thy Ka-ching?” - an expression noting how some inheritors don’t have a clue how to profitably liquidate their loved one’s collection.

789. Numeralpha Male
Any player who is immediately identifiable by nothing more than the mere mention of a uniform number - like 3, 9, 21, 24, 32, 99, etc.

See also: Co-Meekual - when the same number was worn by two different all-time greats, but one of them takes a back seat when it comes to instantly coming to the mind of most fans.

See also: Surnameous - any player who is immediately identifiable by the mere mention of his first name.

790. See Sawcery
The act of trying to magically establish a proper asking price for a card whose past sales numbers have consistently and wildly fluctuated up and down.

See also: Moving Starget - when this process involves a serious Hall of Famer card.

791. “A long bird in a short sky” (AKA Longbirding) (idiom)
The realization that in order to sell an epic card of yours, you need something other than eBay - like an auction house or the like - to get the right eyes on it and have the best chance of maximizing the sales price.

792. Sellevation
The act of purchasing a higher graded version of a card you own, and then selling off the original to help defray the cost of the upgrade.

793. Flipomatic Immunity
As long as it’s not cracked out of its slab, a card - even a completely overgraded one - will remain at the number the TPG deemed it to be and will forever enjoy the fruits and values associated with that particular grade.

794. Dough Strings Attached
Always knowing that once you accept a card as a gift from someone, even if you didn’t really want it in the first place, you will somehow, some way eventually end up paying for it.

795. Flawer Power
The love and satisfaction of landing a key, rare and valuable error card or variation.

796. Slabflection Hindrance (also Flashing Blights)
The unavoidable fact that you cannot snap a photograph of a graded card without all sorts of distracting reflections and shadows clouding and affecting the image.

See also: “Lights, Camera, Refraction!” - a jaunty expression of this reality.

See also: Diffractured - any picture of a graded card markedly affected by shadows and reflections.

See also: Mirror Scrimmage - playing the game of looking at the distorted backwards images being reflected in the photo of a TPG slab or the glass of a framed photo and trying to figure out what can be found there.

See also: Reflective Detective - a person who enjoys engaging in this activity.

See also: Faceholder - a picture where the reflected mug of the photographer is plainly visible.

See also: Phonedemental - the one constant in each of these photographs is the appearance of the rectangular silhouetted shadow of the picture taker’s cell phone.

797. Rerunaware
When someone again bumps his thread by noting “Still available,” seeming to be alone in not realizing his asking price is unreasonably high for the card.

See also: Skyhighlander - a seller committing this ‘offense.’

798. Behemother Effer!
The frustration involved with trying to complete a very large set.

799. Omission Control
The various checklist cover-up approaches that Topps used to disguise the fact that certain card numbers in certain sets did not actually exist.

800. Slack Jacket
The protective ‘armor’ afforded by the thick, reflective slab which by its very nature makes light creases, wrinkles, gum residue or other surface issues - that were plainly obvious when the card was in hand - ‘disappear’ due to the effort now required to even realize there are defects to be found.

See also: Cloak and Swagger - when a card’s appearance is greatly improved by a slab’s ability to conceal its shortcomings.

See also: Flyinhearted - a card that technically deserves the low grade it received, but has the strong eye appeal of a much higher grade.

See also: Mysterical Blindness - if a card ensconced in a holder has flaws that are no longer detectable by the person viewing it, do those flaws actually even exist or matter anymore?

801. Monkeyshrines
Deceptively using “HOF” when selling a card to raise the player’s status sky high, but he isn’t in Cooperstown or any other major sport’s Hall of Fame, but ‘just’ a minor state, college or team version.

802. Factcertainty
Any beliefs or assumptions that you’ve devised about specific cards or sets that may not have ever been proven to be literally true, but are certainly valid enough to you based on personal experience.

803. Cross-Postmortem
When someone makes a point of stating the card he’s selling is also being posted in other forums, and your first thought is, “So, your attempt to sell it at that ridiculous price is going to die a miserable death on other sites, too??”

See also: Uppermosting - when someone points out that their (already exorbitantly priced) cards are listed for even higher amounts on eBay due to the fees.

804. Pennywise-Ass
A person who, after determining what someone paid for the card he’s trying to trade for or buy off of him, attempts to use the knowledge to gain some sort of leverage.

805. Screwveneer
A crease or wrinkle appearing on the surface of a card, but not going through to the other side.

806. Freejects
The cards from from the junk wax era that were so overproduced, easily found and worthless that you aren't able to even give them away gratis.

807. Strung-Upcharge
The futile irritation of, after following all proper valuation protocols with a card submission, the TPG tells you that based on the grades your cards received, you owe them significantly higher fees.

See also: Embittersweet - feeling furious that you’re being stuck with unwarranted additional grading charges, but finding some solace in the fact that a higher grade ‘turned’ your card into a more valuable one.

See also: Slabductee - any card being held hostage by a TPG until the submitter pays the ‘ransom’ of higher service level fees.

808. Uncommonplace
Searching eBay to find information on something unusual you picked up, but not finding a single listing for one, so you’re left not knowing whether the piece is very rare or so run-of-the-mill that it’s not worth the listing fees involved in trying to sell one.

809. Youtuberculosis
A condition causing any rational person, after clicking on a link to watch a video about sportscards or such, to continue clicking on more and more tangential sports (and beyond) links.

810. Edgehog
A card so off-centered that its image is a mere hair away from hitting one or two borders and being labeled as ‘miscut.’

811. Ripdated
After hearing that an all-time great has just passed away, being startled to find his death date - today’s date - has already been edited in to his Wikipedia page bio.

See also: Yesterdais - any old picture or video from a Cooperstown induction ceremony which captures the gathered assembly of elderly all-time greats.

812. Cripple Digits
From a buyer’s perspective, the crushing amount of increase in price a card gains between one number grade and just a single number grade higher.

813. Passersbuying
Grabbing something at a card show that you are unfamiliar with, but it looks cool and just jumps off the dealer’s table at you.

814. Crowd Ofcourseing
Starting a thread to find opinions on something, when you already know full well that every responder is simply going to agree with your thoughts.

815. Flinchworm
Someone who ignores a seller’s claim that his price is firm and tries to talk him into shrinking back and letting it go for cheaper.

816. Momprovisations
The impromptu tactics your younger self was able to develop in order to keep your baseball card collection hidden away and safe from your mother’s desire to chuck it all away.

817. Squanderlust
The impulsive habit of making rash baseball card purchasing decisions, so you’re always forking over way too much money and ultimately turning all of your buys into downright bad moves.

See also: Möbius Trip - the simple fact that no matter how hard you try to avoid it, you will continue going round and round, stumbling through the same types of poor purchasing choices.

818. Indivisualism
The simple fact that different collectors looking at the same card at the same time will only see what they choose to see, and will have widely different assessments of its shape, beauty, desirability, value, etc.

819. Open Mick Night
Any thread started to again have members pile on their reverence and adulation for Mickey Mantle.

820. Sleepstakes
Waking up to find the bid you placed on something the night before came out on top and brought you home a big victory.

821. Let’s Make a Steal
Any eBay ‘Pick Your Card’ auction which has you spinning the game show-like wheel to get to the card you are thinking of buying, and it ends up looking nice with a price that is sweet.

822. Filosophistry
PSA’s practice of first in, last out (FILO), wherein the cards submitted ages ago are endlessly ignored and put on the back burner, while cards newly submitted at substantially higher grading fees are graded and sent out quickly.

See also: WAH Qualifier (in development) - ‘WAH’ would only appear on the slabs of cards that were resubmitted in their holders to PSA in an attempt to to receive a higher grade, but failed to do so. It stands for “Wrong Again, Honey.”

See also: FU - the only ‘qualifier’ virtually every customer would slap on PSA these days.

823. Memoremix
When someone talks about the first pack he ever opened as a kid, and names specific cards it held, although he believes the story to be true, his account is most likely an innocent amalgamation of different baseball card rememberances.

824. Smarmistice (also Waratorium)
Praying to the heavens that any of the self-involved members who constantly assess every freaking thing by using the theoretical stat of WAR, would just for once give it a rest and take a different approach.

825. Magnitrickation
How enlarged or high-def scans of any of your cards will always make them look in ridiculously worse shape than they actually are.

826. Adjectivitis
The condition affecting eBay sellers who greatly overdo the use of descriptive words to sell their superb, awesome, glorious, marvelous, magnificent, exceptional, heavenly treasures.

827. Disgustimate
Asking for opinions on what a card in awful shape will grade at if submitted to a TPG.

See also: Slop Hop - the big boost in monetary value a very low grade star card gets the moment it is graded and put into a slab.

828. Shopscotch
The act of jumping around to different sites in a search for a card you want to purchase.

829. Christmas Reprieve
When your significant other spends the entire year carping about your ‘dumb little hobby,’ but relents long enough to surprise you with a hobby-related gift for the holidays.

See also: Elf-Actualization - when you buy yourself a nice hobby piece for Christmas.


And to all a good night...
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-20-2023 at 02:42 PM.
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  #55  
Old 12-31-2022, 04:22 PM
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“We all get the exact same 365 days, but not the exact same cards...”


DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!

I present to you a special New Year's Eve bonus, Collectorisms Part XIII.


"Get busy collecting, or get busy dying!!"


No animatronic Dick Clarks were used in the creation of this debacle.




830. Sold Lang Syne
The melancholy of looking back on your past sales and thinking what a shame it was you decided to sell your cards when you did, because every one of them is now worth ten times as much.

831. Gnawman
Any obvious reseller/flipper who approaches you about lowering the cost or 'value' of a card you have up for sale or trade by using the tired old trope, “I need a little meat on the bone.”

832. Path of Fleece Resistance
Taking all of the rudimentary steps required to ensure a transaction has no real chance of being a scam job.

833. Tobacnology
Using creative and innovative investigative techniques to try to solve the puzzle of how the print sheets of T206 cards were laid out.

See also: “Tobacc in Black” (slang) - selling a T206 card for a nice profit.

834. Distractground
The clever attempt by a seller to utilize some sort of ornate or decorative background in his photo to draw the viewer’s eyes away from recognizing the inherent flaws of a card.

835. Amasstodon
A long-time collector sporting a massive accumulation of cards who comes to the realization that he doesn’t so much collect cards as he does stockpile them.

836. Divuljerk
Someone who inadvertently screws over other collectors by ‘accidentally’ letting slip to the masses a bit of insider information or a hobby secret that has always given the people in the know a distinct advantage in the collecting marketplace.

837. High Horseshit
Someone who feels his views on any subject falling within the parameters of the card collecting world are the only ‘rightful’ sentiments regarding the matter.

See also: IQ Pest - a member seemingly on an endless quest to prove to everyone that he’s the smartest person in every thread he posts in.

838. Donwestinated
The use of overly descriptive, high energy words and phrases to push and persuade people to buy your cards for sale.

839. Breadspread
The simple calculation of taking the price of a card you’re interested in buying and comparing it to how much money you yourself could readily turn around and sell it for (if the need ever arose), to determine if it is a worthwhile buy.

840. Eleventh Sour
As an auction nears its end, the frustrating internal debate of whether or not to place a last ditch effort, much-more-than-you-want-to-spend, bid.

841. Snaggressively Priced (also Sacriprice)
A seller offering his cards for sale at such bargains that they are sure to be immediately grabbed up by anyone seeing them.

842. Soughtomatic
When someone starts a new thread seeking to get hits off their need list from a certain year, you know without even looking that it will include all of the hard-to-get, big-money cards from that particular set.

843. The Buyonic Man (also Steve Costin’)
A collector who doesn’t even bat an eye when forking over a ton of money, even if he is greatly overpaying, for a card he wants at that moment.

844. Low Water Carp
The smallest amount paid for something hobby-related that your significant other can find on a credit card statement that will send her into a tizzy.

845. Mindseyers (also Roll Call-Stars)
The specific stand-out, notable cards that the vast majority of collectors immediately think of the moment a particular set is mentioned.

846. “I’d rather bitch in cardboard heaven than be content in hell.” (maxim)
The collecting fallibility of endlessly searching for new things to complain about, even when the hobby landscape looks and feels relatively promising.


And a very happy last remaining hours of 2022 to everyone!!!!
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-20-2023 at 04:05 PM.
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Old 01-02-2023, 03:40 PM
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Quote- "Get busy collecting, or get busy dying"?

I think a lot of us get busy collecting almost everyday! And as they say, every day above ground, is a good day!!

.
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Old 03-16-2023, 03:56 PM
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“By the pricking of my thumbs (undoubtedly from trying to remove a card from an overly snug toploader),
Some more gibberish this way comes..."



I present to you Collectorisms Part XIV - Section 1


***ALERT!!!!!!***
This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #863 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.


Happily, this is now a pet-friendly thread. So, a reminder: Never swing a bat at a hornet's nest. Never. Just walk away. Perhaps, go get yourself a Big Mac or whatever for lunch instead? It doesn't matter if you're wielding your wonderful late aunt's antique smoker in a playful, semi-drunk manner on a sunny afternoon long ago...winged, stinging insects with wicked alarm pheromones are the devil's doing!!! Not going to make that mistake again.
DO NOT read "The New Directory of Collectorisms" if you are allergic to "The New Directory of Collectorisms."



If Collecting was easy, everyone would do it!!*




847. Bidass
A renegade who has the temerity to place a bid for more than the minimally required increment in the ‘Live Auctions’ section.

848. Senile Implant
A card which has been on your need list forever that you unexpectedly stumble across hidden away somewhere in your stuff, and you can’t for the life of you remember ever owning it or placing it there.

849. Nobel Post Prize
Any comment, pick-up, uploaded pic, etc., which makes people exclaim, “You win the thread!”

See also: Havalanche - someone blowing everybody’s minds with their incredible stockpile of applicable cards in any ‘Show Us Your...’ thread.

850. Having a Sheet Tooth
A collector who enjoys expanding his collection of uncut printing pieces.

851. “If the card doesn’t fit, you mustn’t submit”
The time-honored reminder to always take the simple step of measuring out a card and comparing its size to other cards from the same set before sending it off to be graded.

852. Intoxicrated (also Drunk Slab)
A card housed inside of a holder with AA (Authentic Altered) on the label.

853. Betterwürsten (Ger.)
The obligatory addition of the phrase “some better, some worse” after giving a specific assessment of the overall condition of a group of cards.

854. Hannibal Collecter
Anyone who is perfectly fine with adding ‘skinned’ cards to his collection.

855. Soldfinger
A seller who is always able to turn your consignments into great victories for your bank account.

See also: Posse Galore - no matter how many times disreputable consignment persons or entities are exposed, they will always have a group of apologists waiting in line to sing their praises.

856. Misorienteer
Anyone uploading a picture which shows up rotated sideways, with its top and bottom being positioned wrongly to the left and right.

See also: Slantomime - the act of tilting one’s head to the side in order to ‘correctly’ view the picture in the thread.

See also: Tilting Tommy - anyone engaged in this type of (necessary) activity.

See also: Slanthropologist - a member who helps guide you through the process of correcting this uploaded picture problem.

857. Misundermistaken
When a card you auctioned off sells for seriously more than you could have ever imagined.

See also: Misovermistaken - when a card you auctioned off sells for a significantly lower amount than you fully expected it to.

858. “You Shoulda Put a Number On It”
The dismayed reaction to someone hyping an ungraded card they’re trying to sell, which makes you wonder, “If it’s so great, why didn’t you have it graded...like every single other card you sell??”

859. Frieze-Framer
Any card featuring the hallowed, world renowned Yankee Stadium ‘facade’ majestically lining the rooftop of the ballpark in the background.

860. Disapperson
The screenname of someone you’ve completely forgotten about - although he used to be an ever-present, regular poster on the site - that you run across while reading through an old, outdated thread.

861. “I flew too close to the sun on wings of cardboard”
A humble self-assessment after taking a great risk on a purchase, sale or other hobby decision that ultimately turned out to be a terribly poor move.

862. Wesunseldian (refer to #595) (eponym)
A player who seemingly spends an inordinate amount of time playing the role of co-star on other people’s cards.

863. Mountainearness
The claustrophobic feeling of being surrounded by backpack-wearing, outfitted-to-tackle-Kilimanjaro show-goers as they crowd out and bump into everyone around the tables.

See also: Cardsherpa - anyone at a show who is strapped into a large backpack.

864. Musical Rares
When a discovery is made of a crop of ‘lost’ cards - like E98s from the “Black Swamp Find” or the appearance of dozens of cases of 1972 Topps football high numbers - and you’re left standing as the ones you’ve always owned and treasured instantly become a lot less scarce.

See also: A Fate Worse Than Dearth - the rueful realization that in one fell swoop this newly found group of cards has severely lowered the value of yours.

865. Ghestwriter (also Secretarialist)
The clubhouse person who was responsible for ‘autographing’ items in place of a star player who couldn’t be bothered to do so.

866. Snakebelly Pricing
When a seller refuses to put price tags on the fronts of his slabs and holders for all to see, and instead must remove each card from his display case and consult the sticker on its underside to tell you what he’s asking for it.

See also: Great Wit Shark - a predatory seller who thinks his wonderful jocularity, charm and hobby banter is enough to make you ignore his extortionate prices.

867. Crop Smirkles
The entertainment and joy derived from looking at wildly miscut cards.

868. Eyevestigation
A request for members to examine a picture of a card or other piece you have questions about, in the hope that effective insights, opinions and answers can be offered to you.

See also: “Mr. Roarke says hello.” - a gentle way to tell you the item you are seeking information on is nothing more than a fantasy piece.

869. Past-Salesmanship
The skill of effectively moving cards by ensuring your asking prices are very much in line with what similar ones have sold for recently.

See also: Lessen-Lesson - any information that allows a seller to see more clearly and wisely lower his price on a card.

870. Swilljaimet (eponym)
The garbage a scandalous member wants everyone to swallow as he dodges legitimate questions about his integrity and starts playing the victim in a thread he started in a silly attempt at damage control.

See also: 12-Sidestep Program - the process of someone pretending to come here seeking ‘hobby redemption’ (whatever that is), while avoiding answering any direct questions put to him or actually owning up to any of the misdeeds he was shown to have perpetrated.

871. Steinblech
Any long-winded, novel-length post in a thread that you have no desire to read.

See also: Stubtitles - when somebody sums up another member’s lengthy TLDR (“too long, didn’t read”) post in a short and simple, concise retelling of the main points.

See also: Count TLDRacula - someone whose overly long, drawn-out, and/or lecturing post saps the very lifeblood from your soul.

872. Blurbanking
The purposeful use of slightly hazy or unclear pictures of a card in order to obscure its shortcomings - like the true condition of its corners - and profit off of a buyer’s assumption that it’s in better shape than it is.

873. Historical Lackuracy
How common sense, logic and anecdotal evidence leaves no doubt that the year of issue date of a card set is different from what it has always been accepted to be.

See also: Year and Loathing - the disgust in knowing that although you can prove the date of issue on a TPG’s labels for a particular card set is wrong, there’s no chance they’ll ever agree to correct it.

874. Capernicus
An expert in the field of supporting or opposing the identification and/or dating of a game used hat.

875. Overwanter
Someone posting cards for trade which are generally collected by ‘everyone,’ but whose need list is comprised of extremely tough gets or things that are much more valuable than what he’s offering in return.

876. Back and Frothing
When talks about a proposed sale or trade of a card go from being polite and courteous negotiations to swiftly heading downhill and straight into the crapper.

877. Binder Banter
Any discussion centered around the joys and pains of trying to complete full sets.

878. Nopuncts (NP’s)
Members whose posts are run-on sentences without a single capital letter, period, comma or other punctuation mark used to separate thoughts or topic changes and let the reader know where one sentence ends and a new one begins.

879. Sideklicks
Any live links embedded in a member’s signature/footer.

880. Cardboard Inversiality
The law of nature stating that the higher the card numbers in a set go, the fewer of them you will have in your boxes.



End of section 1...so, head outside and feel how the growing warmth means the start of the baseball season is nearly upon us at last!!!
__________________
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“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 03-17-2023 at 03:35 PM.
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  #58  
Old 03-17-2023, 10:05 AM
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This is awesome. There are too many good one for me to list. I did create one term a while ago, you could add to the list if you want...Kreindleritis.

https://www.net54baseball.com/showthread.php?t=132908
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My signed 1934 Goudey set(in progress).
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Other interests/sets/collectibles.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/96571220@N08/albums

My for sale or trade photobucket album
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  #59  
Old 03-17-2023, 04:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lordstan View Post
This is awesome. There are too many good one for me to list. I did create one term a while ago, you could add to the list if you want...Kreindleritis.

https://www.net54baseball.com/showthread.php?t=132908
Thanks! Since you're probably the only person still reading this stuff, stay tuned for the 'Part 2' drop in a couple of days.
__________________
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https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.
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  #60  
Old 03-18-2023, 12:47 PM
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Darren, as I have said before, you should be a university professor teaching alternative English. John
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  #61  
Old 03-30-2023, 05:03 PM
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"I only regret that I have but one long, boring thread to give for my hobby..."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XIV - Section 2




881. Populrarity
A card whose ‘scarcity’ is due to the number on the slab having a small population, rather than the card itself being a truly rare piece.

882. Sniffsnuffery (or Having a Nose for Noes)
How you can immediately tell something is amiss with a supposedly vintage card, because it simply doesn’t smell the way cards from that era do.

883. Dud Ringer
Someone who won’t stop insisting that the individual pictured in his old photograph is a very noteworthy and historical person, when it clearly is not.

884. Snobbyist
A collector who takes his involvement in the leisurely pursuit of cards much, much too seriously.

See also: “Careful of that ceiling fan!” - a polite way to tell him to get off of his high horse.

885. Phonaticism
Surging headlong into negotiation battles at card shows with your cell phone - and the vast amount of past-sales data and other effective ammunition it holds - leading the charge.

886. The Popman Always Rings Twice (proverb)
The supposition that PSA willfully gives cards lower grades than they deserve, for the express purpose of grabbing additional revenue from collectors who are fated to resubmit them in an attempt to receive higher numbers.

887. Rolodexterity
Whether fees are involved or not, a dealer/collector putting his far-reaching hobby contacts and client lists to work to help a somebody chase down an item he’s been seeking.

See also: Finder’s Flea - a fellow collector who has the ability to help you locate something you’re after, but won’t commit to helping unless he’s able to personally benefit from the transaction.

888. Acronymble
A card that will hold the same monetary resale value regardless of which TPG’s holder it happens to be housed in or crossed over to.

889. Woodwinding
The use of OBO (“or best offer”) as a coda in a ‘for sale’ post.

890. “Sammy Slippers”
A collector whose first thought about attending an upcoming show is, “Man, I gotta wear the right shoes, so my aching feet and back don’t send me hobbling towards the exits after ten minutes.”

891. Return on Infestment
Making a killing on card sales, because the people overpaying for your stuff are part of the tidal wave of newbies recently jumping into the hobby with a lack of collecting knowledge, but plenty of cash to throw around.

See also: “Like shooting fish on a bubble” (idiom) - the ease of recording quick profits following the intense swelling of the market during and after the pandemic.

892. Backpattery
The universal desire of receiving an abundant amount of complimentary pats on the back from other members after posting a card in the ‘new pick-ups’ thread.

See also: Haulpapering - when you open the ‘new pick-ups’ thread and see a member’s joy over his latest addition, and then you see his screenname under “Last Post” in other threads and know he has just posted the same card in those as well.

893. Slabo-Masochist
A collector who finds pleasure in seeking out cards housed in newer slabs where the graders took a special delight in inflicting harsh pain and humiliation on submitters.

894. Gilly Route
When members take the path of using letter-like symbols and such to camouflage their real names, while still leaving them identifiable.

See also: Guise and LOLs - when one of these disguised names is done in a humorous fashion.

895. Shelf Papering
A seller exclaiming “Under Book!” to describe the asking price of his card.

896. Iwish Exit (slang)
When you quickly bail on an auction after the bidding has gotten much too high, much too early, because you can’t even dream of having enough money to ultimately win it.

See also: Battering Scram - an early bid in an auction so high that it’s clear intent is to chase everyone else away.

897. Schmucker Punched
The resentment of seeing a vintage die-cut, perforated card - that was designed to be punched out by a kid - which was ACTUALLY punched out.

898. Qualifya Obscūra (Latin)
A graded card listing where the seller hides the acronym for the qualifier in a random part of the title to avoid making it obvious that the card has said qualifier, such as “1960 Topps PSA 8 #563 Mickey Mantle All-Star Vintage Hall Of Fame OC NY Yankees.”

899. Lackbluster
The dopey playacting strategy of approaching someone about a card and then purposely downplaying your actual interest in it - “Well, I may, sorta, could possibly be interested in it” - to get him to sweeten the deal or lower the price to make it worthwhile for you to take away such a ‘humdrum’ card.

900. Raccoonteur
A collector who loves to share entertaining stories of his experiences foraging through garage sale tables or the discount bins at card shows.

901. eBayviously
The “Duh!!”-worthy common sense that when someone asks for help seeking out a card, you never have to refer him to eBay, because it’s naturally the first place he looked and where he will continue to look.

902. Integerity
When card purchases are made strictly as investments, the familiar phrase of “buy the card, not the holder” is flipped on its head to now become “buy the number on the holder, not the card.”

903. Nitprick
Someone intent on doing deep dives into people’s posts to invent something to bitch about.

See also: Thread Lice - members who seemingly always need to scratch the itch of bringing negativity to the threads they visit.

See also: Lesser of Two Weevils - when two annoying members are going after each other in a thread and you have to decide which of the pests you should side with in this particular battle.

See also: Scold Shoulder - when someone acts like an ass in a thread, and you debate whether you should call him out on his BS or just ignore it and let the fool have his fun.

904. Double Post-Op
After someone inadvertently ‘double posts’ and you feel the need to examine both of them to see if they are actually word for word identical or if differences can be found.

905. WiseGIY
An eBay seller basically telling you to go grade-it-yourself as he uses "see scan for condition" as his only assessment of the card he’s auctioning off.

906. Scarredboard
After selling a card to someone, the heartbreak of seeing him showing it off and taking great pride in his new pick-up, and you’re left wondering if you made a huge mistake in letting it go.

907. Heatnik
A spirited collector of Nolan Ryan cards and memorabilia.

908. Pausterity
The decision a collector faces of whether to buy a card (that he can’t afford) right now, to finally make it his forevermore, or to put the purchase on hold in the hopes of finding a much more reasonably priced one down the road.

909. Slabstract
A card sitting inside of any strange holder that was not issued by one of the commonly-accepted leading TPG’s, and usually by a company you’ve never heard of before.

910. Voice Train-Rec
When grammar, misspellings and/or general unreadability make it obvious that someone used their phone’s text-to-speech function and didn’t take even a second to read what their post actually says before blindly hitting ‘send.’

911. Franticizing
The urge to hit a card show floor running, darting around to the tables with the goal of trying to unearth and get to treasured dream cards before anyone else has the chance to ‘steal’ them away from you.

912. Wiffle Ball Scholar
Someone whose opinions on all things baseball are taken with a grain of salt, because his vast experience in playing the game amounts to nothing more than being easily struck out by his little niece at family barbecues.

See also: “Joebuck Yourself!” - the universal exclamation of frustration when once again the last person on Earth you would ever want calling a game happens to be the person calling the game you’ve tuned in to watch.

See also: Bobcostasshole - any athletically-challenged, self-satisfied, lecturing narcissist sitting behind the mic.

913. Blunderlined
Cards that were printed with annoying factory ‘crop’ lines clearly visible.

See also: Wallenda - when the crop line floats high above the top of the card’s image.

See also: Trip Wired - when the crop line is strung across the very bottom of the card.

914. Circle Backache
When you spot a card you want at a show at the right price and you don’t immediately grab it, you know full well when you decide to return to that dealer’s table later, it will be long gone.

915. Cost Suppressant (refer to #25)
The deliberate removal of the asking price of a card in a thread after it has been sold.

See also: Sticker Stifler - a seller who chooses to edit out the price of his card to make it now read something to the effect of “$SOLD.”

See also: Dollarsense - the argument that leaving the sales price in for everyone to see is beneficial to the entire collecting community.

See also: Stetsman - someone who abides by the principal of leaving his asking price in and unchanged following a sale.

916. Dope Springs Eternal
The sad fact that no matter how many effective safeguards are put in place, there will always be people falling victim to card-buying scams that are blatantly obvious to everyone else.


And section 2 comes to an end...so now you have time to hit the all-u-can-eat buffet tables of your life and then sleep like a prince!!
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-13-2023 at 06:23 PM.
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  #62  
Old 05-11-2023, 03:43 PM
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"Sons of Net54!

Of eBay!

My brothers in cardboard!

I see in your eyes the same fear of losing an auction that would take the heart of me.


aragornwithcards.jpg

A day may come when the courage of Collectors fails, when we forsake other members’ threads and break all bonds of fellowship by no longer paying attention to each other’s posts...but it is NOT this day.

An hour of complainers and card doctors and apologists when the Age of Collectors comes crashing down...but it is NOT this day!

This day...WE COLLECT!!!!!



Translation: I present to you Collectorisms Part XV - Section 1


***ALERT!!!!!!***
My precious...this is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #934 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.


No orcs were harmed during the creation of this post.
The all-seeing eye of Sauron is never used as a means to take a front row seat while your wives, girlfriends or daughters are in the shower. On occasion, however, he may sneak a peak at your naked, soapy body to give himself a well-deserved chuckle.
All Ents are 100% recyclable.




917. Upsized-Downsizing
Heinously taking an old card which happened to naturally measure out wider and/or taller than it was meant to be, and trimming it down to the ‘correct’ size...giving it newly and illegitimately perfected edges and corners.

918. Nickelwagsing
Responding to anyone snidely saying he knows exactly what you paid for a card you have for sale or trade by remarking, “Yeah...and someone paid five cents for a pack of cigarettes and got a T-206 Honus Wagner, so what’s your point??”

919. Bimwitting
Using the acronym “BMWT” in a ‘For sale’ listing to indicate delivery via “bubble-mailer with tracking.”

920. Recurriations
The lesser cousins of ‘true’ error and variation cards whose collectability is based on the appearance of routine print anomalies and oddities, such as fish eyes, print dots, color streaks, border gaps, splotches, offsets, etc., on them.

See also: Printanomilator - a spirited collector of such material.

See also: Grasping at Flaws - the reality that if you search for these types of printing aberrations, there will always be an inexhaustible supply of ‘new’ discoveries to be found.

921. Accumulabeler (slang)
A collector who routinely cracks cards out of their slabs, but doesn’t send the flips back to the TPGs to have the cert numbers removed from the pop reports.

See also: Depopt - when the cert number and/or other parts of the label of a graded card has been purposely blacked out or obscured in some fashion in a posted picture.

922. “You’re like four sharp corners on a round card”
The use of baseball card imagery to tell someone that he’s full of sh*t.

923. Snoozemovery (Snoozemover)
Under the precept of “if you snooze, you lose,” a seller deciding that he has given a potential buyer more than enough time to act, but since no deal is forthcoming, it is time to move on and let someone else have a crack at his item instead.

See also: Prebumptial Agreement - making a ‘low-ball’ offer to someone in the B/S/T, and he agrees to let you have the card IF after a final bumping of the thread, no one takes it at his original asking price.

924. “Syd”
Anyone referring to himself as a ‘Collector, Investor, Dealer.’

925. OKCD (Ordinary Kid Collecting ‘Disorder’)
The approach of collecting cards that mirrors how you did it as a boy, where centering, sharp corners, print clarity, etc., doesn’t come into play, and all that matters is getting your hands on the cards you want regardless of their shape.

926. Shoddy Double
When two of the same cards are sitting in holders with the exact same grade, but one looks a helluva lot worse than the other.

See also: Separated at Worth - the disparity between the looks and appeal, and therefore the monetary value, of two such ‘identical’ cards.

927. Mr. Magood Enough
The figurative Topps employee whose eyesight was responsible for ensuring the print sheets and cutting equipment were perfectly aligned and calibrated to create nothing but 50/50 centered cards.

928. Lead Winged Angel (or Saint Amisstopher)
A seller wrongly enjoying a glorious eBay rating, because the excessive amount of negatives he regularly receives are drowned out by the multitudes of obligatory positives he gets because of the sheer volume of cards he sells.

929. Flurrier
A card having too much print ‘snow’ affecting the image.

930. Addy Andy
Anyone still putting his personal e-mail address in their buying and selling posts, leaving the flood gates wide open for scammers.

See also: Google Glomster - a scammer who contacts you about buying one of his cards, but any image search will immediately return a photo of the exact same card he’s claiming to own.

931. Check Sold Prices Data Twice, Purchase Once (idiom)
A warning to be sure to double-check the fairness of an asking price (based on past sales) before making a mistake and spending a foolishly unreasonable amount on a card.

932. The Big Ho-Hah
The kerfuffle over different people having different pronunciations of Honus Wagner’s first name moniker.

933. Refractroulette
The obsessive, addictive mindset of getting a ‘fix’ by constantly throwing away money breaking open modern packs and boxes in the hope of finally hitting it big with a monstrous score.

934. Sneezeball (or Gesundheight of Stupidity) (derogative)
With ridiculous new rules making major league games fly by in the blink of an eye, the simple act of reaching for a tissue will cause you to miss three full innings.

935. Chupacardra
A mystical card caught between two realities, because although it can be found listed in ‘official’ on-line set checklists, no one has ever produced firm evidence that it truly exists.

936. Vamoosence (also Exit Page Left)
When you’ve had more than enough with a thread (or the people in it) and decide it’s time to leave it behind for good, but you do so without first making a grand announcement that this will be your final post in the thread.

See also: Withdrawbridge - the single post that finally tells you this thread has gone to the dogs and it’s time to make your exit.

937. M.V.C.
The main focus (the ‘most valuable card’) of any group of cards put up for sale.
“That one’s clearly the MVC!”

938. Rounding Upleap
Claiming how great your, for example, PSA 7 card is by stating, “I’ve seen PSA 8’s that are not nearly as nice as this one.”

939. “With friends and family like this, who needs enemies??!!”
A plaintive exhortation after being screwed over by using PayPal Friends & Family instead of opting for the safety of the Goods & Services option.

940. Lostening
The act of selling a card at fair market price, but in doing so you get back less than what you yourself paid for the card.

941. Parting is Such Swift Sorrow (maxim)
Although accompanied by an outpouring of grief and warm remembrances, the depressing way each ‘Sad News...’ thread about a player or collector passing away is fated to quickly disappear from the front page as the wheels of time continue to surge ahead.

942. Rage Parade
Taking a jealous trip through any ‘Post your (name of auction house here) wins’ thread only to see all of the celebration and jubilation surrounding people’s great pick-ups...pieces that you yourself were really hoping to win, but were outbid on.

943. Pompomposity
The new tactic sweeping the eBay community where sellers ostentatiously photograph their cards sitting proudly on clear plastic display stand easels to enthusiastically present them in a reverential light.

944. NSFWS (Not Safe for Wife to See)
Shorthand for any buy that makes you fear for your life thinking how your spouse is going to react when she gets wind of how much money you ‘threw away’ on a card.

945. Bugger-Bargainer (or Buggener) (informal)
A potential buyer whose goal isn’t to get a seller to come down a bit to a more ‘fair’ price for a card, but whose clear objective is nothing short of getting an absolute steal for himself.

946. Self-Interwresting
When a poster is seeking help with a situation he’s involved in and someone chimes in to say, “I had something similar happen to me...” and goes on to steer away the focus of the thread to make it about his problem instead.

947. Downumeralization
The technique of agreeing to trade a higher-graded, valuable card to someone for a lower-graded version of the same card, so in the end you will still own one, but you benefit by receiving other noteworthy cards along with it to bridge the value gap.

948. “One Step Up, Two Steps Back...Seven Steps Sideways”
An assessment of the difficulty in trying to keep in tune and current in the constantly shifting vintage card marketplace.

949. “Deleted with Prejudice” (refer to #168)
The legal term informing people that when a member edited out his post in a thread to make it say “delete,” his original words did not contain anything controversial, argumentative, or derogatory, and were removed for a harmless reason.

950. Scrubbish Binning
The act of pretending you’re doing something noble by donating boxes of cards to a local thrift shop or charity...but let’s face it, it was either this or just throw out the worthless heap of junky cards.

See also: Emptied Gesture - when you have the gall to first remove every single thing that could conceivably be called a ‘good’ card from the amassment before making the faux donation.



End of section 1...so, now you have 5 minutes to kill before moving on to the next thread. I recommend using it to watch a baseball game, but after it's finished you'll still have 3 more minutes to waste!!!
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“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
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Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

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All days we collect!!
Good stuff, Darren.
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Old 06-30-2023, 03:43 PM
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"Like you all, I yearn to breathe free...but I would yearn much better if I had a plateful of grilled Fourth of July Italian sausage slathered in Kraft Original barbecue sauce to chomp on, so let’s get this over with..."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XV - Section 2




951. Crash Flow
The valuable cards you know you could immediately sell off for a nice bit of coin were something to suddenly arise in your life to financially drain you.

See also: Goldenholdens - the cards you claim there’s no way in heck you will ever sell.

952. Letter-Numbo-Jumbo (refer to #423)
Although organized in a logical fashion, how the ACC card classifications (a capitalized initial followed by a seemingly random number) aren’t exactly self-explanatory or user friendly to anyone not already in the know.

See also: Setymology - the straightforward, non-cryptic manner in which card issues evolved into being simply designated by the year of release followed by the brand or producer of said cards.

953. Which Hunt
A thread featuring someone weighing the pros and cons of two of the same cards, and seeking opinions on what people think is the better move, buying the first one or the second one.

See also: Middle-Manhunt - seeing if someone can put you in touch privately with a particular eBay seller, because you’re interested in purchasing one of his listings off-site to avoid the fees.

954. Scanitized
An auction image which has been deliberately and deceptively altered digitally to ‘purify’ the card and make it appear to be in much better shape than it is, and a far cry from what you will actually receive in the mail.

955. Putting Your Best Face Forward
How Topps used the same gigantic headshots of players for their 1956 card set that they already used just the year before in the 1955 set.

956. Collectomaniacal
The hardcore, take no prisoners mindset of going after something you really, really want badly.

957. Rapporical Question
The sales tactic of a show dealer asking you something related to the team featured on the hat, shirt or jersey you’re wearing in an attempt to form a quick kinship and draw you in as a customer.

958. Vanishing Tact
The ability to respectfully leave a dealer’s table you’ve spent a decent amount of time at without feeling guilty about not buying anything from him.

See also: Nod Walker - the guy who takes a brief survey of a seller’s items as he quickly walks the length of the table, offers a polite, wordless acknowledgement, and then moves on to the next table.

959. Blank Checkmate
When an auction consisting of two big spenders continually topping each other by bidding more and more insanely high comes to a close with one of them finally victorious.

960. All that Glosses is Not Cardboard (aphorism)
A warning that not every supposedly ‘real’ and desirable baseball card that looks to be legitimate will turn out to be so.

See also: Mentafool (“Meant to fool”) - any supposed ‘collectible’ that was created for the express purpose of tricking people into believing it is an authentic piece of vintage memorabilia.

961. Hiddengemity (also Homer Pile)
Striking it big by finding a very unexpected and valuable card buried in the random jumble of commons in a lot of miscellaneous cards you bought.

See also: Forgive-Back - although you’ve done nothing wrong, the feeling of contrition over benefitting so greatly from a purchase that it makes you contact the seller and offer him additional money to absolve yourself of guilt.

962. Circuitous Net
Through seemingly taking a convoluted route going from Point A to Point B to Point C, the protection and safety afforded to buyers and sellers through the eBay authentication process.

963. Table Hussy (or Buy-Candy) (slang)
An attractive girl who is purposely placed out front and center at a seller’s table to draw in potential customers by giving the chubby, balding masses something nicer than baseball cards to clumsily gawk at.

See also: Infatubaited - getting reeled in by the invisible hook which compels you to invent a reason, ANY REASON, to go visit the hottie’s table.

See also: Impressure (or Sweatoric) - the tension of digging deep, striving to find something witty or humorous to say - that she hasn’t heard a million times before from other card collecting slobs - in an effort to win her over.

See also: Chatastrophic - when your attempt to impress her with your amusing ‘ad-libbed’ banter fails miserably, as you knew it would.

See also: Breast Buy - foolishly allowing yourself to be beguiled by her charms and swayed into dropping good money on an ill-advised, boneheaded purchase.

See also: “Hot help is hard to find” - a plaintive bemoaning of not having such a lady to play the role of cardboard temptress at your own show table.

964. “Uncle” Bidding
The final, throwing-in-the-towel bid you make in an auction, which says, “That’s it. I’m not going any higher.”

965. Shortcrops
Hand-cut cards, such as Post, Hostess, Bazooka, etc., which were left without the appropriate, designated borders fully present and intact.

966. Pile Pusher (or Accumulame Ass (derogative))
Someone trying to score a big money card off of you, NOT by offering an equally pricey and desirable card in return, but through ‘matching’ the high value of your single card with an accumulative group of low-value stuff.

967. Garlicvampiring (“Garlvamping”)
Offering cards, either purposely or non-purposely, to someone in a trade attempt that he in no way, shape or form has any interest in or use for.
“I only collect pre-war stuff. He garlvamped me with those ‘58 Topps.”

968. L’eggo My Neggo
The attempt to have a negative feedback rightfully removed from your eBay account.

969. Stockupational Hazard
The guesswork every seller faces as he tries to decide what mix of boxes, individual cards and other stuff from his expansive inventory is the ‘right’ assortment to bring (or NOT bring) along to most effectively fill his limited space and make the show he’s heading to a success.

See also: Carchives - the additional material brought to the show that remains within reach outside in the dealer’s vehicle.

970. Nostaljump
The true happiness that comes with deciding it’s time to go back and try to complete the first set that started you opening packs and collecting cards as a kid.

971. Oneandunning (also Funding Forward)
The act of only buying a card once. Instead of wasting money on a lower grade ‘placeholder’ card (which you’ll only grow to hate), putting those funds towards buying an example that will truly suit you.

972. No-Bliss Oblige (Fr. derivative)
An expression noting that the act of collecting extends beyond the mere amassment of memorabilia, and requires people to fulfill obligations to the community of collectors as a whole, such as giving props to people for their big scores, even when it gives you no satisfaction to do so.

973. The Unboughtens
Those cards that always appear relisted on eBay or as a constant presence in dealers’ display cases at shows, because their prices are beyond ridiculous.

See also: Flasking Price - a price on a card so high that it makes you wonder, “What’s this guy been drinking??!!”

See also: Bemuseum Pricing - a seller so clueless about how absurd his prices are that you can’t help but laugh.

See also: The Blind Leading the Deaf (derogative) - an assessment of dealers whose pricing is not only a refusal to see what cards actually sell for, but who also won’t listen no matter how much documented proof of recent sales prices is presented to them.

974. Phenomination
An enthusiastic reaction to what someone wrote stating, “This is the leading candidate for post (or thread) of the year!!”

See also: Falling on Deaf Cheers - not getting the pats on the back or shining reactions you were fully expecting to receive from one of your posts or a thread you started.

975. Lumber-Card
Any photo showing a player weighing his options of what club to use as he hovers over a sea of choices sticking out of the bat rack.

976. Token Hearted
The mindset of a ‘type’ collector whose goal is to obtain but a single, symbolic example of each relevant set on their list.

977. CIQ (“sick”)
A Collector’s IQ, - the measurement of a hobbyist’s overall depth of knowledge in the card collecting arts and sciences.
“Man, that guy really knows his stuff. He’s got a sick CIQ!!”

978. "The more collecting changes, the more it doesn’t stay the same." (proverb)
It started with men opening packs of cigarettes and handing cards to boys outside of tobacco shops, then grew into kids spending their allowance to chew rock-hard gum as they tore open new wax packs...and has now devolved into investors paying thousands of dollars to ‘own’ a tiny ‘fractional share’ of a card they will never actually touch.


And section 2 is at an end.



A free and timely piece of advice:
When your little niece throws that first heater of a pitch straight at your head during your annual Independence Day BBQ Wiffle Ball game, she's setting your ass up!!!! WITHOUT QUESTION her next pitch is going to be a wickedly slow monster of a curve ball, but everyone knows her control has been off lately! She’ll try to drop it low and outside, but as God is my witness, she’s going to end up hanging it. Wait on it and BOOM!! give that sucker a long, delicious ride over the roof!!! If you want to add an obnoxious bat flip to celebrate as the tears stream down her chubby little cheeks, that's up to you.

Happy 4th!!!!!!!!!
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Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 03-17-2024 at 03:43 PM.
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Old 07-04-2023, 05:44 PM
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DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!

I present to you a special (and way too late in the day) Fourth of July bonus, Collectorisms Part XVI.


"For want of a grilled hot dog bathed in relish and spicy mustard, I would let my cardboard kingdom fall!!"


No fingers were lost as M-80s exploded all around during the creation of this ill-advised addendum.
Clearly not enough time (I mean not even close, as a sneeze lasted longer) was devoted to writing down thoughts, as I was overly busy chugging beers.




979. Red, White and Blew It
The bad business move of accidentally having your eBay auction end on the Fourth of July, meaning only a tiny fraction of people across the country are even checking the site.

See also: Windependence Day - making a huge score off of eBay, because you were the ‘only’ person paying attention to the auction.

980. Rhubarbecue
Fueled by a bit too much ‘overserving’ in the backyard, the annual rebirth of the snarky, heated arguments you, your family members, friends and neighbors get into about which teams and players are the best.

See also: Riffle Ball - how said arguments continue and grow more intense when the element of an ego-driven ‘fun’ game is added to the mix.

981. Uncle Sham
A well known, supposedly ‘great guy’ who uses his good name and reputation in the hobby to scam people.

982. Liarworks
The overabundant use of airy and colorful positive spin words a seller gives a card to raise its standing to fraudulently great heights.

983. Yankee Doodle Candy
Whether it be Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Reggie, Jeter or Judge, the glorious cards of The Bronx Bombers you cherish so greatly.

See also: The Boston Scree Party - the wicked enjoyment Sox fans have downing beers and piling on more and more bitter hatred towards the New Yawk Yankees.

See also: We Hold These Ruths to Be Self-Evident - love or hate the Yanks, everyone knows that each and every Babe Ruth card holds a precious, valuable and storied place in all collectors’ hearts.

984. Mold Glory
The great cards in your collection that you adore so much even though they aren’t even within a country mile of being in nice shape.

See also: The Pursuit of Crappiness - the inalienable right of finding joy in seeking out lower grade cards to add to your collection.

985. Sworn on the Cobb
The goal of doing whatever is possible to finally land any career contemporary Ty Cobb card.

986. Declaration of Grindependence
The proclamation made amid all of the heartache that comes from pursuing cards, that you swear you will make more of a legitimate effort to just enjoy the hell out of the hobby.

See also: “I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Pipe Dream” - the assertion that no matter how hard it gets, you are still going to do whatever it takes to reach your collecting goals...no matter how far OUT of reach they continue to be.

987. Firewatermelon
That huge and not well thought out ‘juicy’ purchase your inebriated self makes off of eBay in the late, waning hours of the holiday, leaving your wallet with a big hangover come the 5th.

See also: Pyrochecknics - when your significant other goes ballistic after discovering how much of a hit the checking account took from this stupid pick-up.



Merry Fourth of July to everyone!!
__________________
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https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-20-2023 at 05:15 PM.
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Old 07-27-2023, 05:51 PM
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We interrupt this broadcast!!!!!!!!!!


Presented for your perusal is a special, 'The National' inspired, collection of utter caca for the brain-dead hobbyist, AKA Collectorisms Part XVII - Section 1.


"And so it is written, let the bald, middle-aged, paunchy men gather together and rejoice!!!"


Collectorisms may cause drowsiness in people who are allergic to Collectorisms.
Deep dish pizza is the work of the devil. Thin crust NY pizza with sloppy grease, cheese and sauce spilling everywhere is the ambrosia of the Gods. Opinions may vary...but if they do, yours is wrong.




988. Grave New World
The dystopian state of present-day card shows, where tables only sell mass-produced, technologically-engineered modern cards with a low number of ‘selectively bred’ chase cards inserted to bring favor and fortune to the privileged few, while the ‘non-conformist’ collectors of vintage cardboard are shunned.

989. Snagriculture
The science of plotting out your approach to a card show floor, deciding which sections and booths to visit, and in what order, to best take advantage of your opportunities to grab cards that are ripe for the picking in order to harvest a nice crop of collectibles.

See also: Booth Sleuth - someone amassing as much information as possible beforehand to determine which dealers are stocking the types of stuff he’s looking for.

990. Expaf
An adjective noting that something is “expensive as f*ck.”

991. Grab n’ Slab
The act of buying a card at a show and immediately heading to an on-site TPG’s booth to have it graded.

992. Gawkwardness
The state of a seller having to politely sit there as countless people slowly and methodically stare at his cards and then cruise on to the next table without buying anything.

993. Abetter Half (or Minfin (“Minister of Finance”)) (slang)
The wife of a card collector who tightly controls the purse strings, and no purchase decision can ever be made without her express, collaborative involvement and say-so.

See also: Hobby Bobbitting - the understanding that if you were ever stupid enough to cross her by making an unsanctioned purchase for your collection, you know exactly what will happen to you.

994. Showsupial
Any card show attendee who foregoes lugging around a backpack, bag or other tote and has nothing to hold his new purchases in except for his pockets.

995. “The reports of the death of high vintage card prices have been greatly exaggerated.”
A Mark Twainsian lament reflecting the fact that although some people select specific data to claim the overall prices of old cards have dropped significantly, that is absolutely NOT the case for the everyday collector.

996. Purchismo
Walking around a card show with your chin held high, knowing nothing’s going to stop you from going home with the specific cards you came here to get, prices be damned.

997. Thicktabler
Someone who insists on getting to a show at the earliest day and time possible, so the tables will still be full of the good stuff and not yet thinned out by the masses.

See also: Fleerosion - how a good amount of sellers on the last day of a show have already packed up their goods and hit the road.

998. FOMOOO (“Cowing”)
An acronym for the people at home who are relishing in the ‘fun of missing out on overpaying’ for cards at 'The National.'

999. Paraloopers
Collectors well practiced in the art of high-magnification precision who drop into each table with their loupe at the ready, giving each card they’re interested in a full and proper examination.

1000. Exodash
The act of waiting for a dealer’s attention to be drawn away by someone else, so you can seamlessly disengage from his table without feeling the need to awkwardly offer him parting words after not buying anything.

See also: Dial L for Leaver - the act of pretending to get a phone call in order to make slipping away from someone’s booth effortlessly easy.

1001. “May the cards be ever in your favor.”
The dutiful and expected acknowledgment that card show attendees offer to one another.

1002. Cobbslobb
A seller with an inordinate number of valuable Ty Cobb cards on display and/or in his collection.

1003. Fillanthropist
An attendee with a good heart who goes out of his way to help someone else who’s not at the show fill a hole in their want list by tracking down a card and arranging for its purchase.

1004. Crowdmouth (also Showsemite Sam)
That superficial, self-appointed ‘expert’ seller who takes himself too seriously as he yaps away and waves money around to make sure everyone around his table knows how impressive he is. He’s your best friend while you’re looking at his cards, but his bitter enemy the moment you pass on his prices and walk away.

1005. Brawn Sugar
Cards of steroids-era players on display.

1006. All Flash, No Cash
A dealer’s bitter assessment of the vivacious, personable show-goer who eagerly spends time engaging him in lively conversations at his table, but walks away without buying anything.

See also: Panashionate - an attendee who strongly revels in the social aspect of the hobby, showing a sparkling flair for happily chatting up both dealers and buyers alike.

1007. Booza Nova (Portuguese)
Someone new to the site with scant few posts who RSVPs to the annual Net54baseball dinner held during 'The National' to share the free drinks with other members.

See also: Chugger Duplo (“Double Chugger”) - when he also includes a plus one.

1008. Wine, Women and Cardboard
A tripartite motto expressing the gloriously hedonistic view that there are only three things that any adult male should ever consider spending money on.

1009. Scoopemupper
The serendipitous discovery of a card in a bargain bin whose value obviously exceeds the low price.

See also: Cheap Choicing - after finding the first one you want, scouring through the huge masses of stuff in order to find other desirable-enough cards to reach the stated threshold (“5 Cards for $10!,” e.g.) on the discount bin signage.

1010. A King on His Throne of Plastic
That seller sitting regally without a care in the world at his table of highly-graded, big-money cards for sale, never seemingly bothered that no one can even afford to buy any of his golden wares.

1011. 31 Cravers (slang)
A term for a seller’s display case filled with sugary sweet cards, each more drool-worthy than the previous.

1012. “Il collezionista che non raccoglie ciò che raccolgo è mio amico” (“The collector who doesn’t collect what I collect is my friend”) (Ital.)
A time-honored maxim stating that when the element of competition is removed, two people are better able to enjoy the hobby together.

1013. Shoestring Theory
The belief that although your card-buying budget is minimal at best, it is still possible to find a way to direct your money into making wonderfully epic purchases.

1014. Sympathology
The sickness of a seller thinking he’s fooling anyone when he puts on a show of pretend sadness as he says, “I’m going to take a bath on this, but I’ll let you have it for...” as he states his ridiculous price.

See also: Sales Fall - when someone with dollar signs in their eyes approaches a dealer’s table to ask if he’s interested in buying their ‘valuable’ cards, but it’s just the obligatory box of junk wax era stuff.

1015. Non Comps Mentis
The medical term for sellers who flat-out refuse to even consider taking recent past sales data into account when pricing their cards.

See also: My Cardboard, My Choice - the simple reality that the owner of a card can set his asking price at whatever the heck he wants.

1016. Travelation
The delight in making a first-time journey to a card show and finding it was very much all that it was cracked up to be and absolutely worth the trip.

1017. Mantle Acuity
The sharp perception and ability to know exactly whether or not purchasing this Mantle right now at this price will turn out to be a good, profitable decision later.

1018. Sparefishing
On the hunt to grab more and more doubles to keep your boxes of trade bait brimming.

See also: Twin Culling - buying a card to knock it off of your need list, only to later discover that you didn’t actually need it anymore.

1019. Vicuriously
When the joy of comfortably sitting at home to look through other people’s pictures and videos from a show is tempered by the fact that now you have all sorts of questions you really want answered.

1020. Shamaraderie
The false belief that a true sense of community exists among card collectors, when we know damn well we’re all just swimming in a kiddie pool filled with blood-thirsty sharks.


And section 1 fizzles out.



I wish you all much luck in leaving early to beat the traffic!!
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-29-2023 at 02:15 PM.
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Old 08-17-2023, 03:34 PM
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"You say it’s two weeks too late, but since life and health and other things have gotten in the way, I say it’s just 50 weeks early (for next year’s National)."


At long last, I present to you Collectorisms Part XVII - Section 2



1021. Halcyonslaught
The incredibly nostalgic feelings that come rushing in and bring you back to your youth the moment you walk into a card show.

1022. Table Tilt
The standard, stationary pose of standing still at a dealer’s table with your head angled slightly downward to stare at the cards on display there.

See also: Bent Neck Speed - the extremely slow, deliberate pace taken by these guys as they examine the dealer’s wares.

1023. Hormonetization (refer to #963)
A dealer’s purposeful placement of an attractive girl to work his table, so the horny rabble with more dollars than sense will hopefully be more inclined to hand over their dough to her than to the chubby, bearded sellers found at every other table.

1024. Roverviewer
Anyone posting an on-line video exploration of a large card show floor.

See also: Remarko Polo - a person guiding viewers through his extensive video navigation of the show by offering real-time commentary and insights along the way.

See also: Sir Walter Golly - someone filled with wonderment whose focus is discovering awe-worthy treasures on display to zoom in on and highlight to the people at home.

See also: Vasco da Gambience - anybody presenting a general overview of the look, feel and atmosphere of the event, being sure to include all aspects of the show whether they appeal to him personally or not.

See also: Erik the Bread - a deep-pocketed collector whose purpose in filming is to highlight the big-money purchases he’s planning on making.

See also: Brief Ericson - a videographer who only offers short, cursory explorations of table treasures before quickly moving on to the next ones, never giving the viewer enough time to let all of the magnificence sink in.

See also: Captain Crook - someone making a point of noting how outlandish a particular dealer’s prices are.

See also: Ferdinand Magellunch - a guy who inexplicably keeps the camera rolling as he takes time to eat, forcing his viewers to listen to him yap away as he stuffs his face.

See also: Samuel de Chumplain - that loud, over-the-top card show ‘guide’ who’s all style (well, to himself at least) and no substance, and you’re left quickly clicking out of his video to get away from it.

1025. The Pelican Grief
The annoyance of having to continually dodge countless portable cases being wheeled around the crowded floor by other showgoers.

1026. Nextrovert
A showgoer happily moving from table to table, joyously chatting everyone up.

See also: Yentabler (Yid.) - that guy who shows up at your booth and just won’t stop chattering away at you, even though you clearly have plenty of other potential customers who need attending to.

1027. The Stench of a Thousand Buffalo (loosely translated Ojibwe)
The hot, putrid and stifling air quality inside of a poorly ventilated show venue.

See also: "Air Conditioning, Air Conditioning, Air Conditioning" - an adage expressing the three most important factors in determining where to hold a large card collectors convention.

See also: Breaksweatus Operandi (BO) (Lat.) - the unchanging, odiferous mode of slobs who never think of taking their fellow showgoers into account as they once again leave their deodorant sticks back home and unused.

See also: Smellpox - the rancid haze that envelops and infects you as you stand tightly crammed in around the dealer tables.

See also: Tactfoulness - the purposeful use of your malodorous ‘fragrance’ to make people scatter and free up space around you, so you have more room at the tables to comfortably operate in.

See also: Flop Sweat Equity - although you regret your stink is affecting people, you know the gamey odors emanating from your body were earned honestly through your hard work in the card show trenches.

1028. Flooraging
The act of bouncing around a show to see what interesting things you might come across.

1029. Past Sales Frustrata
The exasperation of a seller trying to justify his asking price to you by quoting an abnormally high outlier of a recent sale amount for the same card, and your reaction is, “Yeah, but whoever paid that much is a frickin’ moron!!”

1030. Seen-It Route
Plotting tomorrow’s show navigation itinerary to avoid the areas you already fully explored today.

1031. Swine Dining
Due to the lack of properly laid out concessions areas at a card show, having no choice but to sit on the floor and eat like an animal.

See also: Chaireography - the act of waiting, watching and planning out moves to jump in and grab someone’s seat the moment they finish eating and get up to leave.

1032. Distractivated
Having the usual cards and sets you’re always looking for in mind when you suddenly come across something cool or exciting at a booth that sends you careening off into a completely different direction, and your brain shouts, “I wanna start collecting those cards, too!"

See also: UCO (“Unidentified Cardboard Object”) - when you have no clue what something is, but you take a chance and buy it anyway, just in case it turns out to be something great.

1033. Walking Head
A guy whose video ‘of a show’ is nothing more than his face staring into the camera the whole time as he prattles on and on during his wanderings around the venue.

See also: Cambassador - a self-styled hobby luminary who spends his time on-camera interviewing and hobnobbing with dealers, attendees and any card world personalities and ‘celebrities’ he crosses paths with.

See also: Uberindulgence - someone so full of himself that he actually feels compelled to include footage of him travelling to the venue in his video.

1034. Collextras
The throngs of card collecting showgoers who guest star in the backgrounds of any videos and photographs being shot.

1035. Drools of Engagement (slang)
The unspoken understanding that if you are filming a video at a show, the moment an even marginally attractive girl comes into frame, you stop what you’re doing and leave the camera on her, because everyone watching your video will be shouting, “Screw the card tables!! Follow the girl!!!!!!”

1036. Roam-Spun Wisdom
The useful, beneficial knowledge that you are able to relay to other showgoers that comes from your extensive exploration of a show venue.

1037. Bear Trapture
The feeling of euphoria that comes when a glorious item on display stops you dead in your tracks as you’re walking past a dealer’s table.

1038. “Someday My Short Prints Will Come”
The starry-eyed, wishful longing that somewhere down the line you will finally obtain the last tough high numbers you still need, and your dream of completing that vintage Topps set will come true at last.

1039. Bi-Popular
Big stars whose cards and collectibles are highly sought after regardless of whether you are ‘solely’ a modern collector or a vintage collector.

See also: Omnivoracious - a collector of ‘everything,’ who’s always on the hunt to gobble up any vintage or modern era pieces that appeal to him.

See also: Sadaharu Ohtani - a celebratory name combination tying together Japan’s all time greatest ‘vintage’ slugger with its current modern-day phenom.

1040. Cohobbytation
When two separate dealers share space at a show table or booth.

1041. Horth (“Hotel Room Talking Head”)
A guy (always in close-up for some reason) reporting and summarizing his impressions of a card show at the end of the day from the comfort of his lodgings.

See also: Nosecaster - anyone who has his camera stupidly situated low and pointing upward at his face, so the viewer is forced to have a front-row seat to the inner workings of his nostrils.

See also: News Wanker - when one of these people offering their reports from the card show is too bumbling or uninteresting or self-involved or tiresome (take your pick) for your liking.

See also: Holiday Spinn - when you can’t understand what he’s talking about or where he’s coming from, because you were at the show and your experience was entirely different than his.

1042. Gramboozled (or Widowhoodwinked)
When a little old lady selling her dear, late husband’s collection gets absolutely ripped off without even knowing it.

1043. Jaywalk-In Purchase
When someone approaches a dealer to ask him if he’s interested in buying something he brought to the show, and a random onlooker inserts himself into the situation and offers to buy it for more than what the dealer is offering.

1044. Coopersdownpayment
The strategy of buying up cards of a player you feel stands a better than average shot of getting into the Hall of Fame through the voting of one of the various ‘veterans’ subcommittees.

1045. Holdering Out
Deciding whether waiting until you can find the card you’re hunting for in your preferred TPG’s slab or buying the one right in front of you in a different TPG’s slab is the right move.

1046. Refractornese
The strange, unintelligible-to-vintage-collectors vocabulary and phraseology belonging to collectors of modern day cards.

1047. Go-Go Booths
The exciting dealer set-ups you love heading to, because they have the post-war vintage cards you’re searching for in abundance.

See also: Floorsaken - a great seller you run across whose location has been hidden from the masses due to the poor layout of the venue and through no fault of his own.

See also: Tabooth - a dealer whose table you avoid like the plague and would never even consider visiting, due to personal experience, reputation or other factors.

1048. Dollar Lost Averaging
Realizing you greatly overpaid for a card, the process of looking through the other stuff you bought to find things you got great deals on, so you can ‘increase’ what you paid for them in your personal ledger and effectively ‘lower’ the actual price paid for the original card.

1049. A Labor of Glove
The joy of searching out and finding game-used pieces of equipment..

1050. YouBoobs
The annoying ‘content creators’ found everywhere with their cameras out shooting videos to be uploaded to their on-line channels.

See also: ZooTubers - the herdlike presence of these guys roaming the show floor.

1051. Highlowlights
The best of your self-admitted underwhelming or pedestrian pick-ups from a show where you didn’t actually bring home much of anything you would deem ‘good.’

1052. OIMBY (acronym)
A pointlessly obvious phrase denoting that when it comes to planning where a large collectors convention should be held, the only acceptable answer for both buyers and sellers alike would be a location in close proximity to them, or ‘ONLY in my back yard.’



And the music is finally over, so I will turn out the lights until next time.
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-29-2023 at 03:27 PM.
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  #68  
Old 09-14-2023, 05:25 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
D@rrΣn Hu.ghΣs
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 7,331
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"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine wordplay, puns, drollery, and attempted witticisms...

MaryPoppinsSpoonfulofSugar.jpg

...go down, in a most (hopefully) delightful way!!!!"


Presented for chimney sweepers and collectors alike (or both at the same time, as their is no rule against chimney sweeps being collectors), Collectorisms Part XVIII - Section 1.


Collectorisms may cause psychotic breakdowns in those prone to such reactions. Please consult the included Collectorisms brochure for further information.




1053. Downton Hobbey
The opulent state of existence the more affluent members of net54 enjoy as they gravitate together and continually pat each other on the back over their latest obscene purchases, while paying little attention to the lowly interests of the budgetary peasants who also call the site home.

See also: Coy Polloi - the monied collectors who fly under the radar, because their modest, more down-to-earth posting activities don’t leave the impression they have huge budgets to work with.

See also: Westminster Slabbey - any thread serving as a glorious display venue for their museum-worthy pieces.

1054. Scallywagner
Any of the legion of Honus Wagner cards and pieces that due to the use of virtually the same image, bear a striking resemblance to his legendary T206 card.

See also: Wags-Adjacent Premium (WAP) - his greatness as a player aside, the higher than ‘normal’ prices each one of these pieces commands, because of the permanent association with his T206 card, the crown jewel of collecting,
“Man, I really took a ‘wapping’ on that M116 Honus card!”

1055. The Multiple Bid Absurdity Principle
The rationale that any bid made during the course of an auction is a wasted bid, because it harms you by needlessly and artificially raising the price of the item. Logically speaking, the ONLY bid one should ever make is an all-in, last moment snipe bid.

1056. Swapaganda
The half-truths, lies and hyperbole at play when someone is trying to convince you that the trade offer HE’S proposing will clearly make you, NOT him, the ‘winner’ of the deal.

See also: One-Way Streep - when a trader involved in this type of self-serving activity is putting on an Academy Award-worthy performance.

1057. Fulcrumble
In hindsight, the precise post that takes a thread that was cruising along normally and begins steering it downhill into a shit show.

1058. “The Future’s So Dim, I Gotta Wear Grades”
As you sadly decide it’s time to begin planning for the hereafter, step one is to make sure each and every one of your cardboard assets is housed in a respectable TPG’s slab for a straightforward and easy liquidation by your eventual heirs.

See also: Zero Sum Claim - the fear that after you’re gone, your wife will lose out big-time by selling your cards for the fictionally low prices you ‘swore’ to her you paid for them.

1059. Divorchestration
Having a strategical arrangement in place which will conceal the existence and/or value of your collection for maximum effect, so your no-good, dirty, road whore of a soon-to-be-ex-wife won’t be able to take you to the cardboard cleaners.

1060. Adverlution
The realization that many of the sponsors you so fondly tied directly to the N.Y. Mets as a young fan (Schaefer Beer, e.g.) had already filled the exact same role as the mainstays of the Brooklyn Dodgers years before.

1061. Umbilical Cards
The collectibles that still remain at your childhood home, and not only did your mother NOT throw them out, she has kept them safe and properly stored for you.

1062. Slabpremacy
The hierarchical structure of the Third Party Grader world where the sales prices realized of the same cards with the same number grades will vary widely depending on which TPG’s holders the cards sit in.

See also: “Tux the Rich!” - a seller’s hope that seeing more and more big money cards sitting inside of SGC holders will further elevate the TPG’s status and begin bringing the sales prices realized numbers closer to what the same grades sell for in rival PSA holders.

See also: Law of Diminishing Diminishments (AKA Bottom Barrel Parity) - in layman’s terms, the lower you go down the number grade scale, the less disparity will be found between the sold prices of cards in PSA holders versus those housed in other slabs.

See also: Plastic Turtleharing - deciding what works best for you personally as a seller, going with SGC to get your cards back quickly, but they will likely sell for lower prices, or sending them off to PSA, which will take an interminable amount of time, but should yield greater resale results.

1063. OPCOC
The proper descriptive acronym for Canadian O-Pee-Chee cards, since every one of them is bound to be found severely off-centered.

1064. Eavesdropportunist
Someone who sees what specific cards or items are being discussed or sought after in threads, and surprise, surprise, he suddenly posts a new FS listing in the B/S/T selling one of the very items being talked about, as if it’s just some sort of a random coincidence...NOT.

1065. “Put it in the tool belt”
An expression noting that the hammer has come down and the auction is over.

1066. Top-Dropper
When a large group of cards from a specific set is offered for sale or trade and, of course, the range of numbers included in the lot stops dead before reaching the high series.

1067. Gregmorrisified (eponym)
When you no longer bid in a particular seller’s auctions, because his fine, trusted stature in the hobby has made bidders flock to his offerings and considerably raise the prices of each card well beyond what they ‘should’ be.

1068. Frankensteinbeck
Anyone regaling you with entertaining sagas and recountings of their experiences collecting the T206 ‘monster.’

See also: Snagatha Christie - someone telling a fascinating and entertaining tale, complete with twists and turns and surprises, about how he came to own a particular card.

1069. Goosejuicer
Any of the storied card dealers from long ago who came across great bulk discoveries of previously rare, impossible-to-find cards, and slowly milked their golden finds for all they were worth.

1070. Seman-ticks
Members who try to shift the direction of a thread by arguing over the specific meaning of a word or words used by the OP, when his intent was as clear as day to anyone not trying to suck the life out of a thread for their own enjoyment.

See also: Pedantichrist - an overly exhausting know-it-all who attempts to use these trivial word games to his advantage.

1071. RevenooBSTer
Someone fresh to net54 whose entire low post count tally is comprised of nothing but ‘for sale’ listings in the free B/S/T section.

1072. Orville Breadenbacher
Anyone who is set to make a killing after his TPG submission popped with great number grades.

1073. Ignorvitation
When someone expresses his annoyance at something you wrote, so you invite him to simply add you to their ‘ignore list.’

See also: Witless Protection - the technicalities in play which allow members who are so full of opinions about everything, to still not be required to have their names appear in their posts.

1074. Ship-Shopping (slang)
After winning an auction, scouring through the seller’s other items to take advantage of his “additional cards ship for free” policy.

See also: Defrayvity - the act of buying another card or cards in order to distribute the single shipping cost equally across multiple items and effectively lower the end cost of the original card you bought.

1075. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Questions
When the photograph used on a card leaves you cluelessly wondering, “What in high heck was going on the moment this picture was snapped??”

1076. Same Shoot, Different Day
Any cards of a player appearing in either the same set or a set from a different year where the photos used aren’t the same, but were obviously taken during the very same photoshoot

1077. Shrilliteracy
When an eBay auction screams “READ!!!” in the title, but when you look at the description, there is nothing additional there to warrant the inclusion of such a demand.

1078. Curbin’ Planner
Someone who, because he’s moving away or some other factor, has decided it’s time to gather together his boxes of junk cards and leave them on the street for the garbage man to haul away.

See also: Street Swoopers - the people who furtively creep in to dig through the refuse left out on the curb in hopes of finding desirable collectibles hidden inside the rubbish heap.

1079. Dabble Vision
Having a main collecting focus, but also occasionally picking up items from other specific sets or issues that you have come to take a fancy to.

1080. Pastposement
Any team card which featured a photograph taken years before and didn’t reflect the club’s 'current' roster.

1081. Tykeoon
The self-assured, modern card collecting juvenile found at shows who has great market savvy, cash to burn and an advanced set of negotiation skills.

See also: Teenageriatric - a young collector possessing a wealth of vintage card knowledge far beyond his years.

1082. Proptimizing
When scammers are sure to feature all sorts of obviously authentic low-value cards mixed in with their big-money forgeries to bolster the impression to their ‘audience’ that everything in the lot as a whole is legitimate.

1083. Backflapper
Someone whose natural inclination is to house slabs in protective card sleeves by having the resealable adhesive strip ‘hidden’ on the back side of the card holder.

See also: Frontflapper - someone who is more at home having the sealant flap situated on the front side of the card holder for easier access.

1084. Craigslast
When a list is compiled, from best to worst, of platforms you can trust to successfully conduct collectibles commerce on, it is rather obvious which site will always occupy the space at the very bottom.


And section 1 comes to an inglorious end.
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-20-2023 at 03:57 PM.
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  #69  
Old 09-17-2023, 05:04 PM
Leon's Avatar
Leon Leon is offline
Leon
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: near Dallas
Posts: 34,200
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I think my collecting centers around this one-

1079. Dabble Vision
Having a main collecting focus, but also occasionally picking up items from other specific sets or issues that you have come to take a fancy to.

.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JollyElm View Post
"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine wordplay, puns, drollery, and attempted witticisms...

Attachment 589244

...go down, in a most (hopefully) delightful way!!!!"


Presented for chimney sweepers and collectors alike (or both at the same time, as their is no rule against chimney sweeps being collectors), Collectorisms Part XVIII - Section 1.


Collectorisms may cause psychotic breakdowns in those prone to such reactions. Please consult the included Collectorisms brochure for further information.




1053. Downton Hobbey
The opulent state of existence the more affluent members of net54 enjoy as they gravitate together and continually pat each other on the back over their latest obscene purchases, while paying little attention to the lowly interests of the budgetary peasants who also call the site home.

See also: Coy Polloi - the monied collectors who fly under the radar, because their modest, more down-to-earth posting activities don’t leave the impression they have huge budgets to work with.

See also: Westminster Slabbey - any thread serving as a glorious display venue for their museum-worthy pieces.

1054. Scallywagner
Any of the legion of Honus Wagner cards and pieces that due to the use of virtually the same image, bear a striking resemblance to his legendary T206 card.

See also: Wags-Adjacent Premium (WAP) - his greatness as a player aside, the higher than ‘normal’ prices each one of these pieces commands, because of the permanent association with his T206 card, the crown jewel of collecting,
“Man, I really took a ‘wapping’ on that M116 Honus card!”

1055. The Multiple Bid Absurdity Principle
The rationale that any bid made during the course of an auction is a wasted bid, because it harms you by needlessly and artificially raising the price of the item. Logically speaking, the ONLY bid one should ever make is an all-in, last moment snipe bid.

1056. Swapaganda
The half-truths, lies and hyperbole at play when someone is laughably trying to convince you that the trade offer HE’S proposing will clearly make you, not him, the ‘winner’ of the deal.

1057. Fulcrumble
In hindsight, the precise post that takes a thread that was cruising along normally and begins steering it downhill into a shit show.

1058. “The Future’s So Dim, I Gotta Wear Grades”
As you sadly decide it’s time to begin planning for the hereafter, step one is to make sure each and every one of your cardboard assets is housed in a respectable TPG’s slab for a straightforward and easy liquidation by your eventual heirs.

See also: Zero Sum Claim - the fear that after you’re gone, your wife will lose out big-time by selling your cards for the fictionally low prices you ‘swore’ to her you paid for them.

1059. Divorchestration
Having a strategical arrangement in place which will conceal the existence and/or value of your collection for maximum effect, so your no-good, dirty, road whore of a soon-to-be-ex-wife won’t be able to take you to the cardboard cleaners.

1060. Adverlution
The realization that many of the sponsors you so fondly tied directly to the N.Y. Mets as a young fan (Schaefer Beer, e.g.) had already filled the exact same role as the mainstays of the Brooklyn Dodgers years before.

1061. Umbilical Cards
The collectibles that still remain at your childhood home, and not only did your mother NOT throw them out, she has kept them safe and properly stored for you.

1062. Slabpremacy
The hierarchical structure of the Third Party Grader world where the sales prices realized of the same cards with the same number grades will vary widely depending on which TPG’s holders the cards sit in.

See also: “Tux the Rich!” - a seller’s hope that seeing more and more big money cards sitting inside of SGC holders will further elevate the TPG’s status and begin bringing the sales prices realized numbers closer to what the same grades sell for in rival PSA holders.

See also: Law of Diminishing Diminishments (AKA Bottom Barrel Parity) - in layman’s terms, the lower you go down the number grade scale, the less disparity will be found between the sold prices of cards in PSA holders versus those housed in other slabs.

See also: Plastic Turtleharing - deciding what works best for you personally as a seller, going with SGC to get your cards back quickly, but they will likely sell for lower prices, or sending them off to PSA, which will take an interminable amount of time, but should yield greater resale results.

1063. OPCOC
The proper descriptive acronym for Canadian O-Pee-Chee cards, since every one of them is bound to be found severely off-centered.

1064. Eavesdropportunist
Someone who sees what specific cards or items are being discussed or sought after in threads, and surprise, surprise, he suddenly posts a new FS listing in the B/S/T selling one of the very items being talked about, as if it’s just some sort of a random coincidence...NOT.

1065. “Put it in the tool belt”
An expression noting that the hammer has come down and the auction is over.

1066. Top-Dropper
When a large group of cards from a specific set is offered for sale or trade and, of course, the range of numbers included in the lot stops dead before reaching the high series.

1067. Gregmorrisified (eponym)
When you no longer bid in a particular seller’s auctions, because his fine, trusted stature in the hobby has made bidders flock to his offerings and considerably raise the prices of each card well beyond what they ‘should’ be.

1068. Frankensteinbeck
Anyone regaling you with entertaining sagas and recountings of their experiences collecting the T206 ‘monster.’

See also: Snagatha Christie - someone telling a fascinating and entertaining tale, complete with twists and turns and surprises, about how he came to own a particular card.

1069. Goosejuicer
Any of the storied card dealers from long ago who came across great bulk discoveries of previously rare, impossible-to-find cards, and slowly milked their golden finds for all they were worth.

1070. Semanticks
Members who try to shift the direction of a thread by arguing over the specific meaning of a word or words used by the OP, when the meaning was as clear as day to anyone not trying to suck the life out of a thread for their own pathetic enjoyment.

1071. RevenooBSTer
Someone fresh to net54 whose entire low post count tally is comprised of nothing but ‘for sale’ listings in the free B/S/T section.

1072. Orville Breadenbacher
Anyone who is set to make a killing after his TPG submission popped with great number grades.

1073. Ignorvitation
When someone expresses his annoyance at something you wrote, so you invite him to simply add you to their ‘ignore list.’

See also: Witless Protection - the technicalities in play which allow members who are so full of opinions about everything, to still not be required to have their names appear in their posts.

1074. Ship-Shopping (slang)
After winning an auction, scouring through the seller’s other items to take advantage of his “additional cards ship for free” policy.

See also: Defrayvity - the act of buying another card or cards in order to distribute the single shipping cost equally across multiple items and effectively lower the end cost of the original card you bought.

1075. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Questions
When the photograph used on a card leaves you cluelessly wondering, “What in high heck was going on the moment this picture was snapped??”

1076. Same Shoot, Different Day
Any cards of a player appearing in either the same set or a set from a different year where the photos used aren’t the same, but were obviously taken during the very same photoshoot

1077. Shrilliteracy
When an eBay auction screams “READ!!!” in the title, but when you look at the description, there is nothing additional there to warrant the inclusion of such a demand.

1078. Curbin’ Planner
Someone who, because he’s moving away or some other factor, has decided it’s time to gather together his boxes of junk cards and leave them on the street for the garbage man to haul away.

See also: Street Swoopers - the people who furtively creep in to dig through the refuse left out on the curb in hopes of finding desirable collectibles hidden inside the rubbish heap.

1079. Dabble Vision
Having a main collecting focus, but also occasionally picking up items from other specific sets or issues that you have come to take a fancy to.

1080. Pastposement
Any team card which featured a photograph taken years before and didn’t reflect the club’s 'current' roster.

1081. Tykeoon
The self-assured, modern card collecting juvenile found at shows who has great market savvy, cash to burn and an advanced set of negotiation skills.

See also: Teenageriatric - a young collector possessing a wealth of vintage card knowledge far beyond his years.

1082. Proptimizing
When scammers are sure to feature all sorts of obviously authentic low-value cards mixed in with their big-money forgeries to bolster the impression to their ‘audience’ that everything in the lot as a whole is legitimate.

1083. Backflapper
Someone whose natural inclination is to house slabs in protective card sleeves by having the resealable adhesive strip ‘hidden’ on the back side of the card holder.

See also: Frontflapper - someone who is more at home having the sealant flap situated on the front side of the card holder for easier access.

1084. Craigslast
When a list is compiled, from best to worst, of platforms you can trust to successfully conduct collectibles commerce on, it is rather obvious which site will always occupy the space at the very bottom.


And section 1 comes to an inglorious end.
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Leon Luckey
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  #70  
Old 09-18-2023, 10:03 AM
ClementeFanOh ClementeFanOh is offline
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Location: Ohio
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“Dabble vision”- perfect. I have that diagnosis! Trent King
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  #71  
Old 09-18-2023, 11:52 AM
Yoda Yoda is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 1,888
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Just remember when sweeping chimneys not to keep your cards on your person. Soot is not good for them.
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  #72  
Old 10-27-2023, 02:41 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 7,331
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If there was ever a time the world needed something that was Rolling On The Floor Laughing Our Asses Off At Ourselves funny, it would be now!! But before you go searching for something funny, why not unpack all of this garbage first...



Spurred on by my first solo TPG submission (check it out here with links to 'before' and 'blind reveal' videos: https://www.net54baseball.com/showthread.php?t=340670), I sheepishly present Collectorisms Part XVIII - Section 2.


Collectorisms are NO LONGER gluten-free.




1085. Submissionary Position
The viewpoint that once you send off cards to be graded, whether it‘s due to unjustifiably low grades, long delays, excessive fees or other issues and complications, you’re just waiting to get screwed.

1086. Pocket Pretty (slang)
A card that looks majestic while sitting unexamined in a binder page, but once you remove it and give it a once over, the otherwise unseen flaws that make it ‘unworthy’ of grading become readily apparent.

See also: Marilyn Shunroe - an otherwise absolutely gorgeous example of this unfortuante phenomenon.

1087. Flip Mining
The process of digging through your boxes, binders and other accumulations of cards in search of potential ‘gems’ to be sent off for grading and ultimately put into ‘flips.’

See also: Numeralgorithm - when deciding what to have graded, the process of taking the amount you paid for a card and adding the estimated grading/shipping fees to it to arrive at a minimum grade number it would need to receive to make the card ‘valuable’ enough for its submission to be worthwhile.

See also: Mossed and Found - the discovery of a great card in an old, hasn’t-seen-the-light-of-day-in-years box which is a perfect candidate for grading.

See also: Optimisplacedism - digging through the boxes of cards you’ve dug through a thousand times before in the hope of still finding something ‘overlooked’ there.

See also: Nullifind - coming across a beautiful card during your search that you can’t believe you haven’t already sent in to be graded before, but once you inspect it and see its ‘hidden’ problems, you remember exactly why you didn’t submit it any of the other times you could have.

1088. Attached Detachment
The psychological disorder at play when you fool yourself into believing you’re actually capable of separating yourself enough from the emotional attachment you have to your own cards to offer an unbiased prediction of what grades they deserve.

See also: Disexpectant - having the resolve to truly respect and accept the ‘lower than they should be’ grades you know your cards are slated to receive.

1089. Fuctuation
The varying degrees of foul language - ranging from mild annoyance to screaming to the heavens in a blind rage - flying out of your mouth as you first learn what grades each of your cards received in your TPG submission.

1090. Pack Freshtration
The exasperation of sending a card off to a TPG that you can find nothing wrong with and still looks as sweet as it did the day it first came out of a pack, but it comes back with a much lower grade than it deserves.

See also: Ripple Crippled - the close re-examination of a now-slabbed, supposedly wrongly undergraded card that leads to some sort of, “Oh, dammit, I didn’t see that tiny wrinkle when I sent it in,” moment.

1091. Upinionated
The funny way your attitude towards a card you’ve had forever and liked well enough suddenly transitions into a joyous ‘marching bands down Main Street’ revelry once it comes back from a TPG with a high number on the slab...even though it is literally the same card it was before.

See also: Gradulation - the big-time props you get from other collectors which is based solely on the grade numbers your cards received.

1092. “Live by the Soared, Die by the Floored” (proverb)
If you’re happy with the high grades your cards receive from a TPG, then you also have to be content with and accept the low grade numbers they may give your other cards, too.

1093. Popper Games
Any thread centered around asking people to guess what grades they think the pictured cards will receive.

1094. Starfirster
When deciding to work on building a complete set, the preference to go after the big money cards (Hall of Famers, rookies, etc.) right away, and not leave them to become an ever-increasing financial burden later on down the road.

See also: Starlaster - taking the less stressful completion route of checking off as many of the common, lower cost cards you can, and leaving the arduous task of securing the big money cards for some hypothetical point in the future.

See also: Low-Card Diet - chasing the easier and generally less expensive low number series cards first.

See also: High-Card Diet - chasing the rarer and more expensive high number series cards first.

See also: “Sometimes the cards we want the least are the cards we want the most” - the frustrating plaint of any complete set chaser when he reaches the point of being forced to buy cards he couldn’t care less about in order to mark them off of the checklist.

1095. Unacknowledge is Power
The perhaps morally corrupt dilemma of knowing if you choose NOT to disclose to an obviously clueless seller how valuable their item truly is - worth significantly more than they realize - it will turn into a major score for you at their expense.

1096. Yestergraded
The indication that a card was slabbed back when grading standards weren’t nearly as harsh as they are today, so there’s little chance it would ever receive as high a number now.

See also: Etched in Sand - the impermanence of any number on any slab, because if a card is cracked out and resubmitted, there’s no guarantee whatsoever it will ever come back with the same grade it has now.

1097. Cardslabic Equation
Although the ‘buy the card, not the slab’ mantra is uttered constantly, the truth is everyone has their own way of blending together what the card itself looks like with what the number on the holder SAYS IT IS, to determine its proper value to them personally.

1098. Unformation (refer to #836)
The bits of insider knowledge about specific cards or sets you’ve acquired or discovered for yourself over the years that ‘only’ you know about, so you keep these hobby secrets closely guarded to avoid hampering your ability to use them to your advantage.

See also: Yapprehensive (also Proprietwary) - always being mindful of keeping your big mouth shut and not inadvertently spilling the beans about these exclusive insights to the competition.

See also: Keeping Two Sets of Looks (or Shadow Need List) - having a want list that is shared publicly, while also having a second one that’s ‘for your eyes only’ and includes the ‘secret’ cards you’re always on the hunt for.

1099. Uverprotective
Being vigilant in the use of light-filtering precautions to ensure the sun's ultraviolet (UV) rays don’t get the opportunity to unduly bear down on your exhibited collectibles and cause fading, discoloration, and the eventual deterioration of the pieces.

1100. Cathedrool
The unbridled passion for seeing old photos capturing the magnificence of long ago bulldozed ballparks.

1101. Provenonsense
When the story of where a claimed-to-be-authentic piece originated from turns out to be nothing but a load of bull.

1102. Type Yay Personality
An exuberant hobbyist who enthusiastically collects because he loves the joyous celebration of grabbing the cards he desires so much.

1103. Incanduskant
The far less than bright - and inadequate for examining cards - lighting conditions found at every card show venue on the planet.

See also: Murky Turkey (slang) - a card which looked quite nice to you in the dim environs of the show floor, but once examined under ‘normal’ lighting at home, turns out to be a very ill-advised purchase.

See also: Dreary Farmer - a card show attendee who’s more apt to reap rewards, because he’s wisely equipped himself with the proper hand-held lighting tools to effectively cut through the shadowy gloom.

1104. Multislabulous
Assembling a set where each card is graded, but not exclusively housed in a single TPG’s holders.

1105. Linklaxity
The posting of nothing but a live link in a thread without including any sort of base context as to why it’s there or where it leads to if clicked on.

1106. Subsequentropy
The scientific concept that the worst time to buy a piece of memorabilia associated with a historical event or milestone - like a no-hitter, World Championship, etc. - is during the wildly unstable and chaotic pricing timeframe immediately following the event.

1107. Self-Fulfoolment
When a dimwit fraud using images taken from the internet doesn’t realize that he’s actually trying to sell you YOUR OWN DAMN CARD.

1108. Defaultered Reality
Whenever you see an extremely old card in high grade, you must operate from a base of automatically assuming it has been altered in some way...until you are convinced otherwise.

1109. Worm Blooded
Someone with a knack for being the ‘early bird’ on certain cards or sets, so they are able to affordably buy what they want long before the huge increases in popularity and prices start happening.

1110. Authenticrater
The seemingly random occurrences of pieces falling through the cracks and into the abyss, wrongly rejected by eBay’s authenticity program.

1111. “We’re going to need a bigger bloat”
An expression noting that even though the values of your biggest cards have ballooned extraordinarily, you’re still not going to sell until the sales prices swell even further.

1112. Kinfirmation
The finding of a second example of an error, variation or ‘recurriation’ card you’ve discovered, verifying that it is not simply a ‘one-off’ and there are others just like it out there somewhere.

1113. The Overpayment Necessity
The stark logic that it is absoutely imperative for some buyers to markedly overpay for cards, because without that upward push in the sales prices realized data, the value of our own cards will never rise.

1114. Scuff-Shuffling
The act of quickly and recklessly looking through stacks of graded cards (not in protective sleeves) without having a care in the world for all of the friction and scraping the holders are being subjected to as you whip through them.

See also: Scrape Stacker - a person engaged in this activity.

1115. Crockstars (slang)
The players in smaller, off-beat, or insert vintage sets who must’ve been considered the cream of the MLB crop at the time to warrant their inclusion, but in hindsight are nothing more than permanent residents of your ‘commons’ box.

1116. “Is there a card doctor in the house??”
Whether with nefarious intent or not, any thread asking for help in ‘improving’ the look of a card.

1117. Drawbactuality
When a card looks ridiculously undergraded, so the seller/owner explains what its (unseen to on-line viewers) obvious problems are in hand that make the grade exactly right.

1118. “Never trust a collector who trusts you back” (maxim)
The sad fact that every single collector is always sitting on the razor’s edge of deciding what’s the right or wrong thing to do in any given situation.

See also: High Road Rage - when you purposely do the morally right thing in a tricky situation to avoid screwing someone over, but in the end you yourself end up getting screwed.

1119. Nightsnagging
Any West Coast bidder using the two or three ‘extra’ hours to score auction wins as a huge portion of his competition lies asleep in bed due to the time difference.

See also: Discounting Sheep - a mocking way to describe the money you’ve saved as your competition was too busy getting some shut-eye to bid in the auction.

1120. Whatiffication
The gaudy asking price of any unopened vintage pack, which is set under the assumption that however unlikely, it very much could hold one of the treasured cards from the set.

See also: Prognosticatalyst - the attempt to drive up the bids on an unopened piece by really pushing the fact that there’s a good chance it does indeed hold the celebrated card everyone is dreaming about.

See also: Fortune-Seller - an owner who’s hoping to make big bank off of this prophesying selling strategy.

See also: Rackefeller - someone owning an unopened rack pack with a majorly valuable card showing.

1121. Print Sheesh
The stark realization of seeing a pic of an uncut print sheet from long ago and how miniscule the ratio of HOFers to commons actually was inside of the packs kids were opening.

1122. Past Life Progression
When a card has been broken out and regraded, but it came back at a lower number, so the seller includes pics of the old, higher-numbered flip to basically claim, “I swear it’s in much better shape than it looks! Here’s proof!”


With section 2 coming to an end, I've done all I could to make us laugh at ourselves. Want more of it? Take off your clothes and face your wife or girlfriend. The yuks will be a-flying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (No offense.)
__________________
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https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

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“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-27-2023 at 03:11 PM.
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  #73  
Old 10-28-2023, 10:40 AM
Yoda Yoda is offline
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Derek, I think it is time to find a literary agent and then a niche publishing company and allow these pearls of collecting jargon loose on unsuspecting public. I think it would be a runaway best seller among card addicts if not a candidate for a Nobel Prize for literature. If nothing else, it would bring smiles to many, like myself.
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Old 10-28-2023, 02:10 PM
robw1959 robw1959 is offline
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I can't believe I've been here since 2012, but just came across this thread for the first time! Ailing a little bit today, but the first 50 put a smile on my face. I actually copied and pasted everything - to the tune of 182 Word document pages on my hard drive, so I'll have plenty of perusing to do in the days to come. Thank you, my brother, for this labor of love. It is right in my wheelhouse, personally, and so amazing to behold. I need time to take it all in.
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  #75  
Old 10-28-2023, 02:55 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoda View Post
Derek, I think it is time to find a literary agent and then a niche publishing company and allow these pearls of collecting jargon loose on unsuspecting public. I think it would be a runaway best seller among card addicts if not a candidate for a Nobel Prize for literature. If nothing else, it would bring smiles to many, like myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robw1959 View Post
I can't believe I've been here since 2012, but just came across this thread for the first time! Ailing a little bit today, but the first 50 put a smile on my face. I actually copied and pasted everything - to the tune of 182 Word document pages on my hard drive, so I'll have plenty of perusing to do in the days to come. Thank you, my brother, for this labor of love. It is right in my wheelhouse, personally, and so amazing to behold. I need time to take it all in.
I gotta be honest, guys, I've just assumed no one reads any of this stuff anymore, but I still plug away trying to make a little fun of us all. And the revisions keep coming in an attempt to continually improve/update what's already here.

So, thank you, Yodes & Rob (whoa...sounds like a 1970s singer/songwriter duo), you've given me the strength to carry on.

With appreciation,
Elms (or is it, perchance, Derek?)
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.
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  #76  
Old 11-22-2023, 03:33 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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It's that gloriously delicious time of year again...



...you know, when you burrow under the huge pile of coats amassed on the bed and slowly wait for all of your relatives to eventually hit the road.


Presented for both white meat and dark meat fans alike (and for those who don't give a flying f*ck either way), a very special Collectorisms Part XIX, now stuffed (get it?) with more puns and wordplay than ever before!!!!


Collectorisms will not interfere with Thanksgiving football game viewership. We suggest you ask a young niece or nephew to read them aloud to you as you scream at your fantasy football players on the TV.




First, let's start with some small appetizers...


1123. Eat, Drink & Be Wary
The way in which collectors celebrate holidays, enjoying themselves while always being mindful that they can never take their eye off of the ball and miss out on opportunities that may present themselves that day.

See also: Gobble Hobbled - losing your sense of time in the wake of a tryptophanic stupor on Thanksgiving Day, which causes you to completely miss the ending of an auction you were hoping to bid in and win.

1124. Bring Your Yappetite
The excitement of knowing that the family event you’re attending will have other collectors there, so you’ll finally be able to gloriously chat away with like-minded folk.

1125. Counting Your Lessings
The disappointment of seeing the low, sub-par winning bid of an auction that you inadvertently scheduled to end on a major holiday, when eBay traffic is presumably at its lowest.

1126. Turkey Chaster
Someone who decides that Thanksgiving is a day for family, so he’ll remain righteous and chaste and not sully it by hunting for cardboard on any of his devices.

1127. Snarecrow (slang)
Anyone putting a huge, early auction bid stake in the ground to warn potential competitors, “You better stay far away! This card will be mine!”

1128. Smashed Potaters
Any cards which feature and celebrate players blasting historic home run ‘taters.’


And now on to the main course..


1129. Maizmantelaron (“Mays/Mantle/Aaron”)
A descriptor used to generally indicate the types of vintage Topps-era cards to be found.
“The card show was cool. ‘Maizmantelaron’ as far as the eyes could see.”

1130. Bogus Halfsies
The silly “Take 50% Off Marked Prices!!” bins sighted at card shows, when anyone who hasn’t failed first grade math understands that taking half off of something that’s priced three or four times as much as it should be doesn’t magically turn it into a bargain.

See also: Hypercentaging - the act of dealers ensuring that every card found in their “Take 50% Off Marked Prices!!” sections has an excessively high, fake ‘regular price’ attached to it.

1131. On-Hand/In-Handing
The card show sales tactic of justifying much higher than eBay prices by telling customers, “It’s worth it, because you’re here in person, so there’s no wait time. You can actually take possession of this card right now.”

1132. Card Submission Serenity Prayer
An invocation which helps card collectors remain level-headed and composed when they face the trials and tribulations of the grading process:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the grades I cannot change,
courage to resubmit and change the grades I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”

1133. Gratifictitious
When someone pretends there’s a lot of interest in a card he’s offering by bumping a thread with, “Thanks for the many inquiries, still available.”

1134. Alreadyhads
Cards that are shown off in the new pick-ups thread which aren’t technically new, such as cards of yours that just came back from being graded, etc.

1135. Sacramentality (also Godspiel)
The mindset of using “God bless!,” “Shalom!” or other brief religious phrases in an eBay listing to give the impression that you’re a virtuous and reliable seller.

See also: Flock Fleecer (or The Passion of the Heist) - when such usage is obviously nothing more than an unholy pretense to sucker ‘believers’ in and take their money.

1136. Trapdoorsman
Someone bumping their ‘for sale’ thread with an ominous “Final price drop.”

1137. Happy Scour
Taking an optimistic final lap around the floor in the waning hours of a card show to look for dealers - readying to pack up their tables - who might now be willing to drop the prices on their unsold cards, so they can score some quick and easy last-minute cash before heading out the door.

See also: Loss Weeders - the cards a seller accepts lowball offers on at the end of a show to add some final greenbacks to his coffers, while also thinning out his unsold inventory a bit.

1138. Golden Chimney
The additional premium you know you’ll pay when bidding on an item being offered by an eminent, highly advertised auction house, because they get more traffic and consequently more bidding competition than smaller auction houses do.

See also: Victory Penalty (VP) - the buyer’s premium paid on top of the ‘hammer price’ in an auction.

See also: License to Shill - any auction outfit that allows consigners (and/or people directly connected to them) to bid on their own pieces.

1139. Lostponement
When a card that has been lost in the mail forever and forgotten about suddenly decides to turn up in your mailbox out of nowhere a long time later.

See also: Prodigal Card - the item residing in such a package.

1140. Paranoia is a collector’s best weapon (truism)
If your first thought about each and every collecting interaction is, “This frickin’ guy is trying to pull a fast one on me,” then you’re going to go far in the cardboard world, kid.

1141. Deadboarding
Someone thinking they’re clever by once again trotting out the tired old phrase “buying pictures of dead guys on cardboard” to refer to card collecting.

1142. “He’d hit the ‘Buy It Now’ button for the Brooklyn Bridge.”
An expression noting how someone seems to be especially clueless, gullible and ready to fall for scams.

See also: Brooklynbridgiot - a less than charitable description of such a person.

See also: Schadenfraud (German derivative) - experiencing feelings of pleasure or self-satisfaction after learning someone got taken by a scammer, because all of the signs were there from the get-go and the fool obviously should’ve known better.

See also: Infomerciful - the compassionate act of seeing someone clearly not in the know and about to make a huge purchasing or selling mistake, and stepping in to save him by sharing insights as to why it would be a very bad move to make.

1143. Upslope/Downsloping
The strategic approach of not only seeing if the asking price of a card is in line with recent sales, but digging a bit deeper to determine if that data reflects a card whose value is on the rise or in a troubling decline.

1144. Absent Finded
Unexpectedly stumbling across a card in your home that you have no recollection of ever putting in its current location and were quite convinced you had lost long ago.

1145. “Tomb for one more, honey!”
A phrase denoting you’ve found yet another card to add to the growing TPG submission order you’re assembling.

1146. Green Eyedometer
A measure of the degree of personal jealousy and envy felt by a collector after being blown away by a pick-up made by someone else.

See also: Impressure Gauge - wondering, after making an incredible pick-up, how strong the awed and dazzled reactions are going to be after you post the pics of your new acquisition.

See also: Acclaimpishment - posting a pick-up, not because of your excitement over it, but just to bask in all of the pats on the back that are surely to come from everyone.

1147. Snark Shield
When a member feels compelled to start his post by expressly stating that he’s asking a “Serious question,” so as not to be on the receiving end of the sarcasm to come.

1148. Vision Guessed
The quest to zero in and determine what grade a card ‘should’ receive based on nothing beyond closely examining it with your own two eyes and perhaps using a magnifying lens.

1149. The Rising Tide Sinks All Boats (maxim)
When the continuing rise in prices of mainstream card sets forces collectors to shift their focus to other more affordable pursuits, they find the prices of those cards have climbed way up into the stratosphere as well.

1150. Fullblack Position
The involuntary (wrongful) assumption that if a 1971 Topps card has fully black and unblemished coverage on all sides, corners and edges, then no other aspects of it matter and it will come back with a high number grade.

See also: Blackstabbed - the angry feeling of betrayal when a richly black 1971 card comes back graded lower than it should’ve been, usually accompanied by an utterance of, “But...but there’s not a single bit of white wear in the black!!”

1151. Obsolentimental
When a very old, long-dead thread is suddenly brought back to life via a new post.

See also: Howard Carder - the member who is responsible for digging up and bringing the ancient thread back from the dead.

1152. “Collectito, ergo sum.” (loose Latin)
The philosophical dictum stating that the very act of realizing you are seeking out new collectibles to obtain indubitably proves that you do, in fact, exist.

1153. PeeCeeing
The act of buying something for your personal collection, and not for resale.

1154. Minimaxification
The purchase of a card deemed ungradeable by one TPG - because it didn’t meet the minimum size requirements - in the hopes that another TPG will see it differently, put a number on it and ultimately turn it into a big moneymaker for you.

1155. Affordignoredability
As people complain that certain underappreciated HOFers’ cards ‘should’ be much more expensive than they are, the wise collector stocks up on those cards for the very fact that they’re still quite modestly priced.

1156. Melidoing (eponym)
The act of laying a vintage card you’re getting ready to submit for grading on top of a modern card to ensure it measures out properly.
(Etymology - derived from the use of a 1993 Topps Melido Perez card in this fashion.)

See also: Thinnocuous - any cards that came out of the factory naturally cut a little shorter top-to-bottom or side-to-side than what they were ‘supposed’ to be.

1157. Shaken, Not Blurred
An explanation noting that the image on the card you’re showing on-line is properly focused and not blurry in real life, and the only reason it doesn’t look sharp is a result of your poor, shaky-handed picture taking efforts.

1158. Toutlook
The Topps method of always including the next series checklist in with the current series of cards to tell kids, “Better save up your pennies, because look at what great things are coming next!”

See also: On Side Kick in the Ass - seeing all of the magical cards in the high series on the last checklist, but when you hit the store to spend your allowance and finally complete your set, you’re crushed to find all of the baseball has been done away with and replaced with new boxes of football cards.


And on that appropriate football note, this chapter comes to an end.


Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody!!!!!!!!!
__________________
All the cool kids love my YouTube Channel:
Elm's Adventures in Cardboard Land

https://www.youtube.com/@TheJollyElm

Looking to trade? Here's my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980s.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 11-23-2023 at 02:54 PM.
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