A most difficult thread- helping a friend, Bill Hedin

wake.up.the.echoes · #1 09-18-2012, 02:03 PM

While this will mean absolutely nothing to most everybody on here, I am posting now to publically ask you (Leon) to delete my account from net54. Why? Because this thread makes me sick to my stomach. Vile. Why didn't I message you (Leon) in private to make this request? Frankly, because I would encourage other people to do the very same thing. My single withdrawal request might mean nothing, but maybe if enough people leave you won't be able to charge as much when you charge your advertisers for the right to send me unsolicited advertising emails.

Alan

My heart goes out to Bill and his family.

Edited to clarify the opinion I have stated: Just because I have been asked, I wanted to clarify my opinion, as stated. Bill Hedin should be free to distract himself in whatever manner he wishes during this terrible time in his life. I wish Bill Hedin and his family nothing but the best. My heart goes out to him in his time of need. If there were more people like Bill Hedin around here, I wouldn't have asked to leave the board in the first place. My request still stands. Thank you.

Leon · #2 09-18-2012, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wake.up.the.echoes

While this will mean absolutely nothing to most everybody on here, I am posting now to publically ask you (Leon) to delete my account from net54. Why? Because this thread makes me sick to my stomach. Vile. Why didn't I message you (Leon) in private to make this request? Frankly, because I would encourage other people to do the very same thing. My single withdrawal request might mean nothing, but maybe if enough people leave you won't be able to charge as much when you charge your advertisers for the right to send me unsolicited advertising emails.

Alan

Alan,
Your misgivings are so misguided I will just not comment. I wish the best for you and yours. If you leave you will never have to worry about the board anymore. As far as deleting your account, It won't happen as it would screw up too many threads. Happy collecting.

Peter_Spaeth · #3 09-18-2012, 02:24 PM

These are obviously difficult and delicate circumstances. But in light of what Bill said about his financial situation and the funds that were raised in response, $1200 of purchases in the past week justifies Leon raising the issue in my opinion.

wolf441 · #4 09-18-2012, 02:39 PM

Bill's quote today from the memorial thread seems pretty clear. I for one was happy and am happy to have donated. Having lost family members, I know that the funeral costs are astronomical and I also know that we often look to find comfort where we can in times of loss. If it is in card collecting, that's one of the nice things about our hobby. I appreciate that everyone will have their own opinion, but wanted to get mine out there. Best wishes to all.

Steve

Quote:

"Thank you, my friends
Dear Friends,
I want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers and donations in my time of need. You have all touched my heart and I will never forget this.

My God, all that money will certainly help with the funeral bills and I'm truly so very happy that you wonderful friends really made a difference.

The wake and funeral are coming up: wake is Wednesday night, 5-8 and the funeral is Thursday at 10 AM. The link is in the Bill Hedin thread. I can email it to you, or you can google Rebecca Hedin Framingham, MA obituary. It's on Legacy web site forever, too.

I've been surrounded by family and friends and that has kept me busy. I've been working on ebay with some family members who are buying cards for their collections as well as helping me pick up some cards to re-sell down the road. This keeps me busy and helps me in many ways.

Cards, afterall, have always been there for us through the good times and the bad times.

Thanks again for everyones help and prayers. I never expected any financial help, but your generosity is truly appreciated and I can't thank you all enough.

Here's to better times!

Regards,
Bill Hedin"

Unquote

kmac32 · #5 09-18-2012, 02:59 PM

Looks like Bill is occupying his time with eBay. Different people deal with grief in different ways. Not the way I would handle it, but I'm not Bill. I get the impression Bill is going into his comfort zone and if the board can help him in his time of need, more power to them. I also would have donated but I have my own health issues. That doesn't mean that I won't buy an occasional card. I do however watch more closely what I spend $$$ on these days.

Kmac

UOFLfan7 · #6 09-18-2012, 03:20 PM

I believe that in a time of tragedy one most continue on with normalicy. If the normal thing they do is buy and sell baseball cards, then they must continue to buy and sell baseball cards as that is the only way they can really get over the terrible tragedy that occured. Saying this however, if the purchases get to excessive, I would worry not that the money he is spending is coming from donations, but more so that he is trying to suffocate his pain by spending money excessively. You see this alot when a terrible tragedy occurs, people try to suffocate the feelings of grief and pain by spending money or overreating. This is not healthy and the person that is doing this needs support more than ever. I'm not saying that this is what is happenning in Bill's case, and I sincerely hope the best for him and his family.

I don't know Bill personally, but he seems respected on this site. I also know how hard it is to lose somebody you care about, now I have never lost a wife because I am only 16, but I have lost great grandparents, some that I was very close too. My best wishes to you and your family Bill. Stay strong and retain normalicy. If I had the money to I would donate, but sadly I lost all of my money do to careless spending (Something I need to get better at, as learning how to save money is extremely important in your success.) Once I regain some of the money I lost, I will be happy to donate if the option is still available, but I don't know how long it will take for me to regain my losses and for that I am sorry.

Once again best wishes,
Cameron W.C.P.

daves_resale_shop · #7 09-18-2012, 03:22 PM

I am happy to have donated... Bill is dealing with an overwhelming situation... I am sure his wife was his top priority in life and memorabilia his second... given his great lost I can understand his gravitation toward cards...

If the $25 that I donated goes to 52 Topps high numbers, than so be it...

Miconelegacy · #8 09-18-2012, 03:27 PM

Bill Sorry to hear of your loss. I never have really come over to these boards, and really don't post on the PSA boards anymore. I know a lot of people left there to come here.

Anyway I wanted to reach out to you as I had my wife pass away last October 24th. I offer my deepest sympathy, thoughts, and prayers to you and to your family.

I got beat up a bit about cards, but that was my escape, maybe it's yours to.

I'll learn how to message I guess, or feel free to message me when you want to. I can be just an ear or we can talk cards or whatever.

God Bless,

Mike Kelley

Clutch-Hitter · #9 09-18-2012, 11:44 PM

This board is a huge asset to the hobby, a large majority of which involves helping other collectors. So when an issue such as this appears, it will not go unnoticed. It seems like many people who donated do not personally know Mr Hedin but donated anyway. And based on the circumstances here, I think its a little odd, at least given the facts it is. The man loves cards, which are a distraction, something to look forward to, and is really going that route in this extremely difficult time. We know how it is. I cannot imagine facing what Mr Hedin is.

I've noticed a few things here on the board 1. Leon does a great job, 2. Barry Sloate has to really be peeved to say something about being peeved; level headed,

Whether rational or not, It would make sense to assume that Barry and/or Leon feel responsible for what may have been unusual. It had to be addressed.

Mr Hedin, I'm very sorry for your loss. I will be refunding you for the low dollar 33 Goudey tomorrow morning as my contribution, and by the way, I mailed it today. I hope it gives you an ounce of peace. Would have already refunded but didn't make the connection immediately. Best Regards

Good to see Kawika

ramram · #10 09-19-2012, 12:21 AM

Leon -

You and Barry did exactly what you needed to do. Once the additional information came to light, you were in a no win situation so you politely put it out there for everybody to make there own decision. Maybe the only thing you might have done different would have been to not allow any posts since it should be each individual's private decision after they digested that information.

What you two started was very kind.

Nuf said.

Rob M.

Leon · #11 09-19-2012, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramram

Leon -

You and Barry did exactly what you needed to do. Once the additional information came to light, you were in a no win situation so you politely put it out there for everybody to make there own decision. Maybe the only thing you might have done different would have been to not allow any posts since it should be each individual's private decision after they digested that information.

What you two started was very kind.

Nuf said.

Rob M.

I absolutely discussed locking the thread to start with, with Barry and/or one of the others. In the modus operandi of the board, "not locking it" was chosen. It wasn't a no-brainer though. I don't think there was a perfect solution here. It was more the"lesser of evils".

abothebear · #12 09-19-2012, 01:50 AM

A few years ago a family helped me and my family out big time, for over a year. Even though I loved them for it, I hated to see them out in public for fear of them making judgements about how I was spending my time and money (they were pretty awesome and probably didn't make judgements, but I was worried about it). One time I ran into them on the ski slope and I felt like a fool for being there even though it was a holiday and I was getting paid for an off day and a friend paid for my rental and ticket. I didn't want them to think I was squandering their generosity and skipping work to ski, but I also thought it would be super weird if I explained it to them when they didn't ask for an explanation. It was an unavoidably awkward situation. Sometimes a limited portion of the information distorts the reality, and there is no good way of sorting it out to everyone's satisfaction. And the only thing you are left with is trusting in everyone to be cool about it and that character over time will prove the good.

travrosty · #13 09-19-2012, 01:57 AM

People donate to help someone out. Did you check his grocery bill too to see if he bought donuts or a tub of ice cream instead of just the essentials?

I clicked on the link, expecting to see some 500 or 600 dollar bids. I saw a bunch of 10 dollar purchases. He didn't buy a lamborghini.

Would you feel better if you saw his picture in the local paper standing in the soup and bread line at the salvation army?

He never asked for the money, now everyone wants power of attorney over his finances? Forget Romney's tax returns, where is Bill's?

I know someone struggling very badly during this recession. He still takes his little kids out to the movies ocassionally. I don't think if anyone helped that poor bastard they are going to get their panties twisted because the kids went to see ice age 3 when they could have been using the money strictly for Tide and Colgate.

Here's the catch. When people heard he might have to sell his collection to finance the funeral, they sent in money generously. Now he doesn't have to sell his cards for the funeral. THAT"S THE POINT. IT WORKED! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU DID IT! Now that he doesn't have to mortgage the farm, which was the whole point after all, now you bitch?

That guy can't win, he didnt ask for the money, so don't blame him at all.
Maybe someone came to him and offered to pay for the whole funeral. He's suppose to tell everybody now? It's not anyone's business.

When someone sends you something in the mail you didn't ask for, you get to keep it. The whole idea of asking for donations to help someone out is that you send in a little bit and the strength of numbers makes the donations pile up into a substantial amount.

Then if you feel slighted after the fact, you are only out the little bit, and who cares? You need your 50 bucks back so bad, go rummage through the sympathy cards at the funeral and find it.

He didn't ask for any of this. Leave the guy alone.

teetwoohsix · #14 09-18-2012, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wake.up.the.echoes

While this will mean absolutely nothing to most everybody on here, I am posting now to publically ask you (Leon) to delete my account from net54. Why? Because this thread makes me sick to my stomach. Vile. Why didn't I message you (Leon) in private to make this request? Frankly, because I would encourage other people to do the very same thing. My single withdrawal request might mean nothing, but maybe if enough people leave you won't be able to charge as much when you charge your advertisers for the right to send me unsolicited advertising emails.

Alan

My heart goes out to Bill and his family.

Wow. You act like Leon started this thread for nefarious reasons-when it was Barry and Leon who started the project to help Bill in the first place. I read it as if Leon was just looking out for the board members, as he always does.
Thank you Leon for making tough calls-I'm sure this wasn't an easy thread to start-but you always look out for the board.

I still want my donation to go to Bill, and still send my deepest sympathies.

And thanks again for the great job you do here Leon.

Sincerely, Clayton

benjulmag · #15 09-18-2012, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teetwoohsix

Wow. You act like Leon started this thread for nefarious reasons-when it was Barry and Leon who started the project to help Bill in the first place. I read it as if Leon was just looking out for the board members, as he always does.
Thank you Leon for making tough calls-I'm sure this wasn't an easy thread to start-but you always look out for the board.

+1

whitehse · #16 09-18-2012, 04:29 PM

I fully understand why this thread was started as Leon is just looking out for the board members but I have to say I am saddened by this thread as well.

While I have been unable to contribute and hope to do so in the very near future I am saddened that this would even come up at this sad time in our friends life. He has just lost the love of his life and we are questioning his purchases on Ebay? let me tell you if my wife passed I would look to comfort myself and if this buying and selling a few cards on line so some money can be made, then who is anyone else to tell me what I can or cannot do. How many of us have taken to online resources at a very tough time in our lives and did something irrational such as make a purchase that we probably shouldnt have.

I guess my feelings are that if a giver freely gives money to a to a man in a time like this to help lesson his burden, the giver will be blessed for it regardless of how the receiver uses the money. I say if you gave money, accept your blessings and let Bill deal with this in his own way. It is on him how he uses the blessing that have came to him in this time of need. Unless we have been in the situation he is currently deal with, we have no idea how we would act as well

Andrew White

Griffins · #17 09-18-2012, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whitehse

I fully understand why this thread was started as Leon is just looking out for the board members but I have to say I am saddened by this thread as well.

While I have been unable to contribute and hope to do so in the very near future I am saddened that this would even come up at this sad time in our friends life. He has just lost the love of his life and we are questioning his purchases on Ebay? let me tell you if my wife passed I would look to comfort myself and if this buying and selling a few cards on line so some money can be made, then who is anyone else to tell me what I can or cannot do. How many of us have taken to online resources at a very tough time in our lives and did something irrational such as make a purchase that we probably shouldnt have.

I guess my feelings are that if a giver freely gives money to a to a man in a time like this to help lesson his burden, the giver will be blessed for it regardless of how the receiver uses the money. I say if you gave money, accept your blessings and let Bill deal with this in his own way. It is on him how he uses the blessing that have came to him in this time of need. Unless we have been in the situation he is currently deal with, we have no idea how we would act as well

Andrew White

My feelings on this parallel Andrew's and David's. Well said gentleman.

chris6net · #18 09-18-2012, 06:39 PM

When I first saw the thread about Bill,s situation and the fact that he was going to have to sell his collection due to his financial situation I felt touched and considered making a donation. I ultimately decided not to donate as I don,t know Bill personally and would prefer to make a donation to someone with a personal connection. Now after seeing that Bill has been spending about a thousand dollars a week on cards I feel a lot different. The argument here is that Bill should spend the money on cards to keep some normalcy in his life even if the money was donated under the pretense that he desperately needed money to pay for his wife,s funeral expenses as he was going to have to sell his collection to cover his extreme financial hardship. Bill my prayers are with you and your family in this tough time but even though I didn,t donate a part of me is upset since I feel that others were cheated.
I don,t want to sound callous in the tough times Bill is having but I feel that this whole situation has some severe credibility issues. I hope I am wrong and again my prayers are with Bill and his Family.
CN

Rickyy · #19 09-18-2012, 06:41 PM

Thank you Leon for updating us on this. I can certainly see both sides on this issue and everyone brought out good points... as for me...I just go with my heart and trust that the funds are used in good faith for its intended purpose during this time of sadness.

Ricky Y

7nohitter · #20 09-18-2012, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rickyy

Thank you Leon for updating us on this. I can certainly see both sides on this issue and everyone brought out good points... as for me...I just go with my heart and trust that the funds are used in good faith for its intended purpose during this time of sadness.

Ricky Y

+1

Jlighter · #21 09-18-2012, 06:52 PM

As I am sure many of the members are aware, there is an ethicists in The New York Times magazine, I am seriously considering sending this dilemma in(obviosuly names witheld) and getting his opinon. I'd like to know beforehand if anyone feels this is something that should be done.

Jake

Donscards · #22 09-18-2012, 06:53 PM

I have known Bill since the early 1980's and I feel for his loss so much---I know Billy has health problems over the years and he is such a good person. He doesnt deserve this latest barrage. He is a honest man with high intergrity. With the loss of a wife, how does one cope. So if he is on Ebay, it may allow him to forget a little. Also he stated, he has family using ebay and who knows what they are buying. I donated to Billy and would do so again. Please let us allow Bill to grieve with this terrible loss. Let us all move on. thank you, Don Hontz

Ladder7 · #23 09-18-2012, 06:52 PM

Who the Hell are we to judge. I'd be a freakin' basket case in his shoes.

If Bill wants to use some of the $ to purchase cards, gold or sprockets as a nest egg for the kids, I'm all for that. My donation wasn't exclusively for his beloved's burial. But any ancillary family purchases Bill deems necessary, without restriction.

Heck, many of us have made sports "investments" under the premise they could be liquidated as an emergency fund, college expenses etc. It's not any different than throwing it into a passbook account.

There is no rehearsal for this thing. I implore you guys to please let this now single father grieve as he sees fit. Thanks

wolf441 · #24 09-18-2012, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ladder7

Who the Hell are we to judge. I'd be a freakin' basket case in his shoes.

If Bill wants to use some of the $ to purchase cards, gold or sprockets as a nest egg for the kids, I'm all for that. My donation wasn't exclusively for his beloved's burial. But any ancillary family purchases Bill deems necessary, without restriction.

Heck, many of us have made sports "investments" under the premise they could be liquidated as an emergency fund, college expenses etc. It's not any different than throwing it into a passbook account.

There is no rehearsal for this thing. I implore you guys to please let this now single father grieve as he sees fit. Thanks

+1. Well said.

Sean1125 · #25 09-19-2012, 07:18 AM

Shortly after my grandmothers death I had one of the biggest card purchases I ever had, I made a good deal of money on it and as shallow as it sounds... The money helped cope... I had cried by her bed for hours when she couldn't even communicate back... I have to agree with the responses that you need to keep some bit of normalcy or you will never get on with your life - I don't know Bill and I am impartial to this matter, the only information I have is what I have read in this thread. Please excuse me if there is something I am missing. Buying cards doesn't mean you do not regret or care for your loved one.

Sean

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