Creative auction house descriptions

[Econteachert205]

Undergraded

[Peter_Spaeth]

Honest corner wear.

Better than the technical grade.

[drcy]

"Corners so sharp you could do a vasectomy on a mosquito." I can live without that one, even if true.
Also, "Best eva? Hellz yeah!"
Runners up are "gnarly" and "bitchin'" Bootylicious is okay depending on the context including pop report.
And anything that insults my intelligence. Which is everything. Though I did get a good chuckle out of Kant's Critique of Pure Reason.
Oh, and any auction descriptions spoken in a fake cockney accent.
Oh, and "the." Tired of that word.
Oh, I'm sure it's a great language an all and they're fine upstanding people, but I don't speak Mandarin. Last time, I thought I bid on a 1956 Topps partial set and ended up getting a plate of butter.
And what's with the background Muzak on the auction sites these days? When I'm trying to bid, I really can live without the symphonic version of U Can't Touch This.

Oh yeah, and actually put the item in a box or envelope. Don't just place a stamp and write the mailing address on the cabinet card. Or at the very least do it on the back. Twice that's happened this year.

[sycks22]

"Blazer"

[ullmandds]

Originally Posted by drcy

"Corners so sharp you could do a vasectomy on a mosquito." I can live without that one, even if true.
Also, "Best eva? Hellz yeah!"
Runners up are "gnarly" and "bitchin'" Bootylicious is okay depending on the context including pop report.
And anything that insults my intelligence. Which is everything. Though I did get a good chuckle out of Kant's Critique of Pure Reason.
Oh, and any auction descriptions spoken in a fake cockney accent.
Oh, and "the." Tired of that word.
Oh, I'm sure it's a great language an all and they're fine upstanding people, but I don't speak Mandarin. Last time, I thought I bid on a 1956 Topps partial set and ended up getting a plate of butter.
And what's with the background Muzak on the auction sites these days? When I'm trying to bid, I really can live without the symphonic version of U Can't Touch This.



Oh yeah, and actually put the item in a box or envelope. Don't just place a stamp and write the mailing address on the cabinet card. Or at the very least do it on the back. Twice that's happened this year.

R u making a mockery of this thread????

[frankbmd]

Or descriptions you may never see

"overgraded piece of cardboard that makes you want to upchuck at a price that only a loving mother would consider paying....."

[drcy]

"The scary thing about David is, when you get to know him, you realize he isn't trying to be funny."

[Runscott]

Originally Posted by drcy

"The scary thing about David is, when you get to know him, you realize he isn't trying to be funny."

"…and when he smiles, look for his blade."

"…if he is laughing, it is too late."

[glenv]

One major auction house "creatively" used "Hand Cut" instead of "Trimmed" for some Rice-Stix cards.

[barrysloate]

As someone who wrote auction lots for years, I will tell you it is not the easiest thing to get exactly right. If your description is too long, you bore the bidder and he is likely to glaze over it. If it's too short, you may not be creating the kind of excitement you might want. If you use too many superlatives and call every lot spectacular, you strain the credibility of your audience. But if you lowkey it too much, you kind of piss off the consignor, especially if the lot doesn't do as well as you hoped.

So it's really an art, and it takes practice to get it right. I think the number one thing every bidder wants to know is the specifics of condition. Most of the stuff around that description is fluff...but a little fluff is probably okay.

[matthew]

Originally Posted by Econteachert205

Undergraded

+1

[KCRfan1]

Words are in place
To help us all see
What our eyes don't tell us
We may read and believe

Made up words
Too good to be true
Help to inform
Me and you

That the card that we see
Is the card we must have
And to win the auction
Would make us most glad.

[bobbyw8469]

Originally Posted by matthew

+1

See...I don't think (undergraded) that is a bad term. If you have a 1.5 that looks like a 3, then pray tell, what do you call it?!?!?!?!?!

[Exhibitman]

Most of my favorites have already been covered but there are two that just annoy the hell out of me:

"Extreme rarity"
"Extremely rare"

Rare already covers it. Qualifying it is like putting the Deltas on double secret probation.

I generally dislike the verbal diarrhea that most AH writers seem to develop. I imagine they have a menu of random adjectives they can slap them together to create a description. Like:

"This impressive specimen from an ultra rare issue is the highest condition exemplar extant in the PSA database, with radiant color on the obverse and virtually unimprovable color on the back."

You can attach that verbiage to nearly any card. Or anything else.

Part of the problem is that the writers try to sound as erudite as possible on what I imagine is a second-rate education, which leads to some really funny sentences like this gem from Goodwin's recent auction:

"If you are contemplating adding one museum quality card to your collection, this jewel certainly qualifies as a grandeur selection."

WTF is a "grandeur selection"? Grandeur is a noun, as is selection. They might as well write that it qualifies as a card card.

[bobbyw8469]

On the other end of the spectrum you have Memory Lane.....

"Get it!"
"Bid to own"
"Joltin' Joe"

you get the idea.

[ullmandds]

Originally Posted by Exhibitman

Most of my favorites have already been covered but there are two that just annoy the hell out of me:

"Extreme rarity"
"Extremely rare"

Rare already covers it. Qualifying it is like putting the Deltas on double secret probation.

I generally dislike the verbal diarrhea that most AH writers seem to develop. I imagine they have a menu of random adjectives they can slap them together to create a description. Like:

"This impressive specimen from an ultra rare issue is the highest condition exemplar extant in the PSA database, with radiant color on the obverse and virtually unimprovable color on the back."

You can attach that verbiage to nearly any card. Or anything else.

Part of the problem is that the writers try to sound as erudite as possible on what I imagine is a second-rate education, which leads to some really funny sentences like this gem from Goodwin's recent auction:

"If you are contemplating adding one museum quality card to your collection, this jewel certainly qualifies as a grandeur selection."

WTF is a "grandeur selection"? Grandeur is a noun, as is selection. They might as well write that it qualifies as a card card.

Totally Agree.