Milehigh Auction

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Posted By: Al C.risafulli

Marshall.



A photographer compared you to Kurt? Congratulations.

A janitor compared me to Einstein once. I guess I must bring the noise.

What's the name of the indie label that put you up in the multimillion dollar penthouse, Marshall? How did an indie label get the cash to afford a multimillion dollar penthouse? What indie label has maids? If you didn't want a major label deal, why is it that your website says one of your goals is to have a Top 10 single? How are you going to have a Top 10 single without major label backing?

Marshall, if you rock so hard and tore up South Beach, how come you only have 39 friends on your Myspace page, and there's not a single reference to your music "career" that I can find on a Google search, other than the ones you put on the internet yourself? Why is it that nobody has left a comment on your Myspace page in two years? I mean Marshall, you are THE MAN! You bring THE NOISE! Where's all the fans? If you and Marilyn Manson go hand-in-hand, why is it that he hasn't brought you along with him the way Trent Reznor did with Manson?

If you lived in a 2.5 million dollar penthouse with naked maids and the world's best ganja, how long did the indie label give you to pay back your debt? Because they're surely not cross-collateralizing the bill against your hefty advance for your self-released, six-song EP.

Please, Marshall. Explain to me why I can't find many reviews of your music? I mean, major labels are begging you to go to Los Angeles and show the world your talent - why haven't you recorded anything new since 2006? I mean Jesus, Marshall - the world is waiting for you to bring more noise! How long does it take such a talented musical icon, who was compared to Iggy Pop by an A&R guy, and who was compared to Kurt by a photographer, to record new music? Do we have to wait 17 years for your next noise, the way we had to wait 17 years for the awesome noise brought to us by Axl Rose?

Please! Explain!

But most importantly, I need to understand how an indie label can afford a 2.5 million dollar penthouse apartment in South Beach when they can't seem to help you update your website in three years.

Thanks in advance for enlightening me about how the independent music business works; I could use the education.

Eagerly awaiting your response,

-Al

edited to add more sarcasm.